Tying it All Together

My latest book on Amazon. Tying it All Together

Don’t you sometimes wish that you could tie everything in your life together? Career, relationships, marriage, and parenting. That all these aspects of your life to harmoniously work. Instead, our lives get fragmented, one minute our job is on top of the world, the next we’re in divorce court. Nothing ever seems to run hitting on all eight cylinders running smooth. The trouble is one part of our life can crater with a trickle down in all other areas of our life.

Chapter 1

I can’t | I don’t have

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”—Thomas A. Edison

First, we get out of our language anything to do with lack. The “I can’t” or “I don’t have” is not part of the English language of your new life.

Second, nay Sayers are just that. People who can’t do a thing themselves and naturally you can’t either if you listen to that bilge. What you’re now looking for are Mentors, people who uplift you.

Throughout history, people have done things that others said could not be done. Or invented products that folks needed. All the while, naysayers are “It can’t be done.” Horse hockey!

Limiting beliefs placed in our sub-conscious over years of saying I can’t. Also not limited to just that phrase. Years and years of self-defeating language has us convinced we cannot.

Dogpile on top of that, family, friends, managers, whomever, telling you that you don’t have what it takes, you don’t have the education, people who do that are gifted. What? You can teach yourself anything.

Okay, I give. You can’t teach yourself to be a brain surgeon. My point with this statement is I doubt you’re looking to become a brain surgeon, don’t overthink what your ability can or cannot achieve. Start, try, give it a shot, jump, swim, begin is the point!

So, in this chapter, we’re going to start replacing limiting language and thoughts. How you say, well I have an answer for that. Without this step in the process, later in the book, you will have more difficulty if you don’t make the changes now.

What do we have to change:

  1. Replace limiting thoughts with thoughts of okay how do I achieve this (the what is irrelevant at this point).
  2. Be aware of the language, the words that we use. I can’t, is NO longer a word in your mind’s dictionary. Don’t worry; I am going to share how to get rid of this stuff.
  3. Self-defeating actions. Self-sabotage, and worst of all, procrastination.

There is a lot more to the life changes than just the three I listed. You get a general idea.  As we move through chapters, we will cover a great deal more ground.

For many years we teach ourselves unknowingly that we can’t achieve certain things. Limiting beliefs are ingrained in our subconscious mind over the years. Taking time now to change this old habit and create new ones will take work and time.

What I have found that helps me declutter my mind so that I can see myself in a better state-of-mind, meditation. Learning to meditate can get you back in touch with your inner self.

Getting rid of limiting beliefs takes retraining our mind not once to say, “I can’t do that.”
“I don’t have what it takes to achieve this.” In your meditation practice, you begin to see yourself through your mind’s eye in the place you want to be — not just a physical place, but where you see yourself emotionally.

Our brain will tell us to run from something that raises our stress level. It’s like what Marathon runners experience when they hit what is called the wall. That point late in the race where the brain is saying you can’t make another step, stop, your mind is telling you that your legs are injured. Push past this without risk of injury to your body.

Studies that prove it’s the brain talking to you, not physical injury. Pushing through this emotional wall is possible.

This bond your brain has with flight will be hard to break. Meditation is a daily practice. It’s the best way I have found to quiet my mind so I can reprogram my thoughts for growth, not defeat.

Let’s cover a few points on how easy it is to begin to meditate before you start if you have a spouse or partner have them give you a brief shoulder neck massage before beginning your practice — the tension out of your body as much as possible.

“Everything that’s created comes out of silence. Your thoughts emerge from the nothingness of silence. Your words come out of this void. Your very essence emerged from emptiness. All creativity requires some stillness.”—Wayne Dyer

Let’s begin:

  1. Pick a time when you can have thirty minutes to an hour to yourself. With no interruption. My favorite place is my bedroom. I can either sit on the floor with my back to the bed or lay down (don’t fall asleep).
  2. Music playing, outdoor sounds, ocean, rain, can be calming and help you relax. It’s best if you can use headphones. You can find lots of cool stuff on YouTube® that’s commercial free. I find that with headphones, I can concentrate my mind more sharply.
  3. Take several deep cleansing breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. Helps clear your body and ease tension.
  4. Then with the eye’s closed in a relaxed posture. Breathe. Follow your breathing with your mind, nice slow breaths filling your body with oxygen. It’s good to feel your belly as it moves up and down. Get a rhythm.
  5. Begin to relax your feet, move up your legs into your hips, and let your body go. Breath and relax all the tension out of your body. Just focus for a time on relaxing your body.
  6. As you relax feel yourself floating, imagine your light enough to float on clouds.
  7. When relaxed and breathing rhythmically. Begin to focus your minds-eye towards happiness. See yourself happy. That can take any form you like. Use your imagination to see yourself happy. What is something YOU love to do? What makes you the most comfortable. It could be from childhood or adulthood: no right or wrong way, just a happy place.
  8. Placing your mind there now begin to allow that emotion to fill your body. Feel it from the balls of your feet to the crown of your head. Feel happiness; fill your body. Allow yourself to be in this bliss. Stay as-long-as you like.
  9. As you begin to come out of your meditation, slowly allow your body to unwind, let go of any thought and be in the moment. Open your eye’s and smile.
  10. Begin this process tonight! What you will learn in this book is we act now, not tomorrow! Procrastination is not in our vocabulary anymore. Begin today, please, and thank you.

If you want to make it through times when you will hit the Marathon wall, and it’s like you just got hit by a Mack truck, you must train to overcome what we will have to face as you begin this process.

You will have challenges to be sure. Don’t worry; our emotional training starts here. You will find the strength. So exciting.

Years and years of Garbage is overflowing your mind. This book is a garbage truck.

The “I can’t” do this or that. Who says? 99% of the time you. How do you know if you’re not even willing to try? Saying this to yourself, I can’t is conditioned into your mind so profoundly that you believe whatever your head is telling you. Hard to imagine that we can lie to ourselves unknowingly. It’s packaged to a negative response you accept.

We’ve all heard the story of breaking the four-minute mile. Once achieved, then many athletes now can claim they can run four-minute miles.

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”—Nelson Mandela 

Twenty years ago, if you would have asked anyone in my family, do you think Robert will write books years from now. They would have laughed until they peed their pants. Not even my friends would have believed this to be true.

Fear is also going to hold you back. We all fear failure. The difference between success and failure is people stop because they get scared. “I have a family I can’t risk failure!” Ask yourself if you have enough money to stand a year-long layoff (heaven forbid) if tomorrow your company said we’re cutting back?

We’re all a paycheck away from disaster most of our lives. So, don’t use this as an excuse.

What if I could show you a way to conquer fear enough to allow you to formulate a plan to save your life, strengthen your family, and will enable you to walk with peace-of-mind. Be great, wouldn’t it?

Okay, follow along.

Everything you’ve learned in life plays it safe; I am going to teach you how to play it smart.

Stop buying the sack of manure you sell yourself every day that you can’t. Get the I’m shy; I’m weak, I’m feeble, get that the hell out of your vocabulary.

How?

Every time you say I can’t, take a rubber band and pop the crap out of your arm.  However, take a moment to say that was the old me, the NEW ME CAN! I can be happy; I can be in shape, I can learn more, I can have a happy marriage, I can have great kids, I can, I can, I can!

If you screw up guess what you’re not alone. Acknowledge, you had a time of weakness but your back. Guess what you can make a mistake and get right back on track. Right now, I want you to stop and run a mile as fast as you can no walking. Could you do it! Probably not is my guess. Could you if you trained for a month or so? Sure.

You’re not going to overcome this the first time. You’re not going to change without practice. Set in your phone reminders that buzz, ding, ring, whatever. Tell yourself to smile, or be strong, put an affirmation as a reminder.

Put all the good in your noodle today that you can plunge into your brain. Guess what we do this over and over. Day after day!

Shy people hello. Man are we going to need to get outside our comfort zone. Fear not time to train. How can we overcome fear?

“People who ask confidently get more than those who are hesitant and uncertain. When you’ve figured out what you want to ask for, do it with certainty, boldness, and confidence. Don’t be shy or feel intimidated by the experience. You may face some unexpected criticism but be prepared for it with confidence.”—Jack Canfield

Here are some fun ideas:

  1. Find social meetups. Places that you can go to a book club, movie review club anywhere that you must socially interact with friendly people. Nice folks won’t eat you I promise.
  2. The best way to get outside yourself is to help someone in need. Can even be an animal shelter. Put yourself in situations where you can gain strength. Social interaction helping someone is a blessing beyond words. Single parents take your kids.
  3. Go to Yoga, meditation classes; take a cooking class.

Finding ways to strengthen our life resolve is just a matter of getting off our butt and doing it. I wish I could say something or give you a pill. My friends, we must work to achieve. Good news, it’s not hard, most of these costs no money.

Through your meditation practice, when you visualize yourself, see yourself healthy, assertive, and happy. Show your subconscious what you want it will manifest for you. Take this to prayer, let God know you no longer say I can’t, or I don’t have.

God will supply abundance in all areas of your life. Keep in mind this is not about starting a business, jobs, or material things. Yes, it’s a part of if you want it to be. This book is teaching you how to have an all-encompassing life. Mind, Body, Soul.

When you find yourself in a difficult situation, go to God in prayer, let him know that you need help, what I do when times in my head get dark. I say, “God has me” over and over. Eventually, I get calm.

In times of stress, let God know you’re not losing anymore. Power your way through. Even if you see no hope at all, hold onto hope with blind faith. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Talking later in the book, we will do an entire chapter on Resources vs. Resourcefulness. When you can master how to be resourceful the I can’t, and I don’t will go straight out the window. Also, strengthen your ability to fend off fear.

Fear manifests when you don’t have a solution. Then your mind starts to say “oh boy we’re going to crash” and away your head goes, and down you go. Think about being able to on command say “I have an app for that” metaphorically speaking.

You can know in your heart that today; an answer does not exist. Give me some time to sort this out and away you go. Having that knowledge to, in a sense, trick your mind into saying “we got this” will give you the inner strength to overcome any obstacle.

Click on the book cover to view on Amazon:

book, eBook, paperback book

Faith or Give Up

What happens when you stay in faith even amid ruin? I can actually answer that!

Last month was shaping up to be brutal income wise. Negativity, in my own mind, was snowballing to the point I was in a very dark place. My day job is sales, and we no longer get commission vouchers to know where we are during the month with no real way to track. Not the fairest method to manage sales people “not my monkey not my circus.”

Handed deal after deal saying credit was not sufficient to purchase. Yet no notes that the company even tried beyond sending it in. Finance you have to walk on more difficult credit customers. Since this was my job for the last 25 plus years of my career. Particularly hard for me when I know some could be deals.

hope, prayer, freedom

Letting all this get to me it clouded my brain. Frustration took over.

Somehow through all of this, I mustered up the courage to continue to let God know that I was still here. Over-and-over I would say, “God has me.” Staring a mountain of debt in the face each month is tedious.

During the month, I would take time to just let God know I don’t see a way, so please make a way. I freely admit most of the time, I was really stressing out. Somehow though I was able to show God that it might only be a mustard seed of faith, I have hope.

Finally arrived pay-day. Contemplated how I would survive the month, what was I going to lose, on-and-on. Had asked God many times to please show me he is with me, that I don’t want to be in this dark hole.

My friend, who works in accounting stopped in my office to hand me my paycheck. As I sat in my chair, bracing myself for the worst. Opening the envelope to immediately look at the dollar amount. I had to stare at it for a moment to realize it was so much more than I imagined it would be. “Oh, my” and I began to cry.

Not only could I meet the obligations, but I also have enough left to pay extra. Not any other time in my life did I feel so humbled.

Keep in mind we are not privy to our income. Sales commissions can range from $100 to thousands, but we have no real way to know. So opening your paycheck is literally like seeing a lottery ticket. It may win big or may not win at all.

The point to all of this is, stay in faith. Even when you cannot see a way, a way is being made if you let God know, do the work you need to every day. I admit honestly if giving myself a grade, it would be a D-, yet as the bible says:

Matthew 17:20 King James Version (KJV)

20 And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; it shall remove; nothing shall be impossible unto you.

We all struggle through tough moments, and it is very hard not to lose faith and hope. For many years in my life, something like this last month, I would have thrown in the towel long before God could provide a miracle.

You just have to talk to God.

Comments & Questions: