How to start a civil conversation when you and your spouse, significant other, are fighting to the point you can’t say a nice word. This takes both you coming to the table as a cease-fire.
This is a fantastic way to have a civil conversation. What our goal will be is to talk without fighting. If you can begin a civil discourse, then you can start to find healing words and a way back to happiness.
For this, to work, you have to both agree to NOT talk about your fight. This is a total cease-fire of all ugliness! Each must come with an open heart.
- Make a time where you can sit down totally uninterrupted. No alcohol, no wine, just coffee or a soda. The two of you ONLY. Kids need to-go-to grandmas.
- Each of you agrees with no curse words.
- Rock, paper, scissors to see who talks first. Best two out of three if needed.
So what is the conversation going to be?
Give this some thought before you sit down. Assuming you are agreed.
Pick something about your life that your partner does not really know about you. The story can be about anything except for a topic that Segways into your argument.
The whole point of this is to talk about something that allows the two of you to communicate! Each takes a turn in telling a story, having a conversation that is merely the two of you talking.
If you’ve completed this, we have one more exercise.
What made you fall in love with each other? Have a conversation about what makes you happy together.
If you can do these two things then perhaps what you’re arguing about is not that big a deal. Sometimes, we just need to talk civilly and then remember why we love one another.