Faith or Give Up

What happens when you stay in faith even amid ruin? I can actually answer that!

Last month was shaping up to be brutal income wise. Negativity, in my own mind, was snowballing to the point I was in a very dark place. My day job is sales, and we no longer get commission vouchers to know where we are during the month with no real way to track. Not the fairest method to manage sales people “not my monkey not my circus.”

Handed deal after deal saying credit was not sufficient to purchase. Yet no notes that the company even tried beyond sending it in. Finance you have to walk on more difficult credit customers. Since this was my job for the last 25 plus years of my career. Particularly hard for me when I know some could be deals.

hope, prayer, freedom

Letting all this get to me it clouded my brain. Frustration took over.

Somehow through all of this, I mustered up the courage to continue to let God know that I was still here. Over-and-over I would say, “God has me.” Staring a mountain of debt in the face each month is tedious.

During the month, I would take time to just let God know I don’t see a way, so please make a way. I freely admit most of the time, I was really stressing out. Somehow though I was able to show God that it might only be a mustard seed of faith, I have hope.

Finally arrived pay-day. Contemplated how I would survive the month, what was I going to lose, on-and-on. Had asked God many times to please show me he is with me, that I don’t want to be in this dark hole.

My friend, who works in accounting stopped in my office to hand me my paycheck. As I sat in my chair, bracing myself for the worst. Opening the envelope to immediately look at the dollar amount. I had to stare at it for a moment to realize it was so much more than I imagined it would be. “Oh, my” and I began to cry.

Not only could I meet the obligations, but I also have enough left to pay extra. Not any other time in my life did I feel so humbled.

Keep in mind we are not privy to our income. Sales commissions can range from $100 to thousands, but we have no real way to know. So opening your paycheck is literally like seeing a lottery ticket. It may win big or may not win at all.

The point to all of this is, stay in faith. Even when you cannot see a way, a way is being made if you let God know, do the work you need to every day. I admit honestly if giving myself a grade, it would be a D-, yet as the bible says:

Matthew 17:20 King James Version (KJV)

20 And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; it shall remove; nothing shall be impossible unto you.

We all struggle through tough moments, and it is very hard not to lose faith and hope. For many years in my life, something like this last month, I would have thrown in the towel long before God could provide a miracle.

You just have to talk to God.

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Stay in Faith Even When You Feel Hurt

Faith is something I am learning does pay off. For the last few months more so than any other time in my life, faith guides my life, but it does have its challenges!

Today for example: not only do I not want a divorce, but I also have to pay for it. Even though I don’t want a divorce it’s God has seen fit for my life to take a new direction. So faith will mean that I accept this, don’t freak out.

The choice I am making is to be okay with the divorce. My destiny is not with my current wife. So instead of curling up into a ball in my bed, I choose to accept the separation. Doesn’t mean I have to like it I do not. Believe in God requires faith and sometimes faith involves sacrifice. None of us have to like it, but if you want God’s promises in your life, then you have to embrace change.

In the midst of a break-up, we all want to believe we can’t live without our spouse. The pain of loss is the same as if they (God forbid) passed away. The damage is painful, and it damn well hurts. However, when you examine the fact that what is happening is for a more significant reason not yet revealed. Where I was in my life I through “all-in” with my faith that God has a plan for my life.

Looking back on my life the pattern has been the same. So breaking old paradigms, setting a new course and letting life open up without me imposing my will. Don’t misunderstand I do things to make sure my life is moving forward. The amazing thing is that God has blessed me with many new things.

faith in God

Not new things like guy toys. What he has given me are strength and modern wisdom. The power to let go of my marriage to see what God’s plan is for my life. This indeed has been a journey of tears and sorrow. I pwill freely admit times hurt like hell, put myself in a very dark place in my head. Depression kicked my ass for a time.

It’s when at my darkest moment, contemplating hurting myself. Because life didn’t make sense for me to even stay on this earth. It was at this moment that it came to me, that if I was going to save my own life despite the fact that I honestly felt worthless.

Spiritual life here I come! It’s taken prayer, visualization, church, and Christian friends to help guide my way. In my darkest moments, I tell God I am not losing this time I am with God. If you’ve read my blog, you will know the miracles that have blessed my life in the last few months. Without hesitation, my life right now is a miracle gift from God.

So today when it sucks that I have to move on and forward. “I am.” Just like any other day I pray to God “this time is for you, not I and I am not losing anymore.”

If you’re going through a break-up or divorce. I as you feel the pain, loss, and hurt. Just don’t believe life is over. It’s not easy, but if you decide you win this time, your new destiny will be more than you imagined or asked God for. Stay strong and please send me a note below if you need to vent!

God Bless!!!

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