spouse

What Debt Promises

/ Robert Bruton / Leave a comment

What I can promise you, debt will bring if you don’t manage debt and let debt manage you!

For so many people in this world, debt can be debilitating. Shopping with friends and you get asked: “would you like to apply for a credit card?” You qualify and here we go.

Most young people are never really taught the importance of good credit and managing money properly.

Debt – noun

something, typically money that is owed or due.

credit card, credit card bill, bankruptcy

Here are the promises debt makes and will keep:

  1. Constant stress over how you will pay your credit cards or other bills at the end of the month.
  2. Family stress. The number one killer of marriages is money. Buy homes we cannot afford, cars, furniture, clothes, on and on. Until the end of the month, and the dining table is covered in bills!
  3. Parents working one or two jobs to make it from one paycheck to the next. Waking up to find children grown and bitter. Why? You were never there! To busy trying to make a living, you forget to have an experience.
  4. The barrage of endless phone calls letting you know the obvious. You’re behind and we need a payment!
  5. Picking which bill gets paid and who does not get any money this month.
  6. Food vs. Credit
  7. Feeling as though one wrong move and financially, you are ruined. Stress beyond limits!
  8. Dark moments, suicidal thoughts all over bills.
  9. Keeping up with the Jones’s only to find ourselves in bankruptcy.
  10. Bad credit and loss of buying power. High rates of interest.

Imagine someone in your family deathly ill and you cannot come up with the money to travel. Another of debt’s promises!

Emotional purchases will sink your financial boat the quickest.

For example:

You go into a car dealership to buy a new car. You have a budget and payment in mind. Shopped online and narrowed down your search. All good stuff.

Upon arrival at the dealership, you begin to browse. “Wow look at this color, look at this car, check out these accessories.” All, of course, are on vehicles outside your budget. The internal battle begins. Metaphorically we’ve taken a raging alcoholic into a bar and said, don’t drink anything I will be back in an hour to pick you up! Only to come back and find your alcoholic passed out drunk.

If you do not control your spending, your debts will overtake your life. Guaranteed! Not too many things in this life come with a guarantee but debt does.

I have worked around consumer credit for thirty years now. Debt has also overtaken my life because I allowed it to get totally out of hand. The ten promises above are indicative of my own life. Poor choices have cost me plenty.

Parents or young people starting out. Educate yourself about credit and debt. Buying that beautiful $300 shirt that will make you look amazing. Won’t look so amazing at the end of the month if the money is not there to pay for it.

Sure, you can make the minimum payment and the $300 shirt becomes a $2000 shirt. Do the math on 26% interest and see what happens to the cost of just one item. Living paycheck-to-paycheck over several years. Chipping away at maxed-out credit cards will overtake your financial life.

Properly managed credit will make sure that your life will be filled with joy. Buying power and forethought to pay will allow you to own homes, cars, beautiful furniture, and other assets. With little to no stress.

TAKE EMOTION OUT OF ANY FINANCIAL EQUATION!

It does not sound fun, but the wake behind poor decisions can last years. Worse still ruin any chance you have of being a homeowner.

Imagine a mortgage broker coming back to you and saying, “unfortunately, YOUR credit will not allow us to give you a loan.” Devastating. Your credit prevents you and your spouse from homeownership. Sounds damned harsh because it is.

What can help:

  • Check out books by great financial folks like Dave Ramsey, Suze Orman, let experts guide you.
  • Check out the credit reporting agencies: Equifax, Trans Union, and Experian. Lots of excellent free resources.

If you have credit issues, you can recover. Start back small and work your way again. There is always hope and with diligence, you will be back on track.

Questions or comments:

God Is Your Coach

/ Robert Bruton / Leave a comment

My new book, God is Your Coach out in Paperback and available on Kindle.

Take a look at chapter one:

Chapter 1

The Title Fight

In this corner, wearing depression, despair, and no hope Me!

In the black corner wearing out my life, the enemy!

The enemy will work to keep you sufficiently depressed so that you won’t take steps towards a new life. The attack can come in many forms, depression, self-doubt, or just merely giving in that this won’t work. Hogwash!

Change comes at a price. We’ve all heard the adage; nothing in this life is free. Nothing worth having is free. A beautiful life is worth the price we will pay to enjoy. There is hope, and it will come. However, we do have to navigate some attacks on our life.

As change begins to take hold in our life, smiles on our face, a pep in our step and peace in our mind. Everything appears to be moving nicely. All the sudden the rug gets pulled out from under our feet and smash we go.

The first thing that comes to us is excellent “this doesn’t work.” I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! Precisely what the enemy wants you to believe. Loser, failure, and nothing you will try will work. All lies! Here is the rub, stay in faith. What??? I can hear you screaming. Will get to this further in the book, keep going.

Spiritual warfare for those of you new to a Christian life can disenchant most from staying with God. As humans, we tend to allow pain to numb our senses in a way that we accept a sort of mediocrity for our lives. Sad! How the enemy keeps us leashed — never allowing us to wander off too far.

You’re not too old, too weak, too young, or any other moniker you can place to defeat yourself. Are you not tired of kicking your ass? I know I was and that has prompted this book.

Beginning this process, you will come out swinging. Strong bold, and you feel that you can conquer the world. Then you take a shot to the gut that puts you right to the ground. Everything starts falling apart; all your work seems to be running down the drain.

Depression and self-doubt overtake your mind. Spiritual warfare has arrived. Keep in mind that trials and tribulations can take on any negative form. We’re using these analogies to set an expectation that whatever form attacks take they’re relentless.

Here are a couple of things you can do to help you with immediate changes in your state-of-mind:

  1. Take 60 seconds and breathe. Cleansing breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. Breathing will relax tension.
  2. Get outside and walk to the end of the block. Walking will relieve tension. Focus on the beauty around you.
  3. If you can get to a quiet place to meditate, relax your mind. Good, contemplate music.
  4. You can almost immediately change your state of mind listening to music that moves you. Music is incredibly healing at the moment. Get your feet to move.

Changing your state-of-mind can bring peace. Everything is going to be okay; you have to get your head there. The preceding was temp solutions to get your head out of a dark place.

No matter the obstacles in your life, they’re all temporary. Think about some hard-times in your life. If you’re past them, something terrible that happened ten years ago, that at the time seemed devastating. You must see, you’re still here, everything is most likely calmer, settled and most importantly over. The monster is defeated.

This next part of the chapter is one of two articles I have written and included in this eBook that I think help bolster the message I want to get across in this eBook. Bits and pieces may be redundant, but I trust you will overlook that to receive the news.

When your feet hit the floor in the morning, let the Devil say, “Oh Shit He’s up!”

Our minds can exhaust us to the point we feel like we’ve been in a heavyweight title fight. Pardon the cliché, but you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. What I want to prepare you for is the title fight that is coming. The enemy will see a change in you for good. All the sudden, you went from being depressed to having hope.

Jesus paid for your sins on the cross. I am not going to pretend to be a theologian and quote scripture. What I did do is start attending a great Bible-based church. Began to study the word of God. You have protection from the enemy; you can yourself cast him out of your head (No you’re not Reagan McNeil from the Exorcist). God supplies all the tools you need. You must show up for work.

Part of your job will be to follow the path I am laying down. Find an excellent Bible-based Church. Not hard to find and you may need to attend a couple before you see one that you feel is home. You will need the tools, and foundation for Christ to win the fight to come.

The enemy will come at you hard. WHY, because he is afraid to lose you to the right side. He wants your soul; he wants you to fail! You have free will so that it will become a choice. I would cry so hard thinking God seems pissed at me for all the things I have done in my life and losing hope that God wanted nothing to do with me. NOT TRUE! Learning from the study, Church and the Bible God loves me. It is the enemy that has the hold on us, not God. Rest easy dear friends. It is good and evil in this world it took me a while to understand. Sharing this first thing will sound a bit scary. You will have a better understanding that the difficulties to come are manageable with the right tools. God says, “No weapon formed against me will prosper.” Remember you have all the promises the Bible says we have. You must start believing with unwavering faith. God wants you to think about it before you receive it. Try it; this is where I stumbled hard.

Friends would tell me that God will never give you more than you can handle. I hated hearing that. The problem is it’s true. You can’t fight for the heavyweight championship of the world without getting knocked on your backside a few times. You will find the strength just as I did. Even from the darkest depths of your mind, a path to peace is available for anyone who seeks order.

Women readers who are moms can relate to this. Labor pains are excruciating, but the result is the greatest joy of your life. Once you go through labor and deliver yourself from hell, you’ve created in your head. The sooner the greatest joy in your life will be at hand.

Remembering always that the enemy will fill your mind with doubt, fear, this will never work. What happens is when you believe you’ll quit. Then the enemy wins. The only loser in this fight is you. It may seem as though God is not listening to you. He is, I thought this so many times. I would scream at God in my vehicle “get in the game” why are you forsaking me. He is not; the devil is treacherous in your mind.

You will learn to live with your soul, not your head. The mind will never win over your destiny. What you can control is how quickly you see your future reveal itself. Frustration, hate, anger, despair will only cause you to delay your life moving forward. You must begin to see yourself happy, joyous, and free of pain. Don’t scream, “I can’t do it.” If you do, you’re right. None of this is easy to hear; I get that!

What I am telling you is if you get knocked down get up. Tell yourself NOT THIS TIME; I get to win this time. Get that loser mentality out of your head. It won’t come all at once. You must recondition your mind for good. If you have suffered for a long-time change won’t happen overnight.

The mind will fight you to the point of utter exhaustion during a marathon where you will hit the wall many times. Just like marathon runners, you convince yourself that it’s a mind trick; it’s not your reality. Reality is you already have, peace, love, and happiness. We as Christians must learn to accept it. You think acceptance would be easy, for most it’s not. Stay in faith even when you don’t seem to have confidence in anything. Tell God you don’t see a way, but you trust he will make a move!

One of the most important things I can tell you. Don’t help God, don’t impose your will on a situation that needs Gods hand not yours — for example, separated from your spouse. It’s a situation that you did not want, hit you out of the blue and you’re heartbroken. You call your spouse saying I promise I will change; I love you, please let’s work it out. That’s imposing your will. It’s not you are helping even though you think you’re fighting for your marriage. STOP!

If you want to trust God for a change in your life follow along in this book, I share what mistakes I made so you can have greater insight. You need to believe that God is handling the heart of both you and your spouse. You are jumping in does not help. Trust that if you give your marriage to God, asking him for his will be done. Someone asked me two questions:

Do you want a perfect, loving, happy marriage?

Do you want your spouse back with no change?

Relationships meant to be will be. Maybe, God is moving this person out of your life to make room for your deep down in your soul exact right person to appear when we let our destiny unfold naturally what a blessed life we will have.

It’s not always easy to see clearly during times of adversity. Remember we’re in a title fight for our life. The enemy will put horrible, terrible things in our head or before us. We can get betrayed; our life shattered into pieces.

How you get up and tell the enemy “that’s all you got” I have the power of God almighty who controls my life. A quote I love, “when your feet hit the floor in the morning, the Devil says oh shit he’s up. “Anything beats living a life of misery. It’s where I am at, and I pray you are too. Now is our time and “I ain’t going down no more”—Rocky Balboa

The fight will come hard, but if you keep reading, you will find the help you need to get up and fight even harder. The tools you will learn will make those fights fewer. Your spiritual armor will see you through.

Stay strong because God is getting ready to show out in your life in ways you could never have imagined. Your blessings are on the other side of this battle; what was meant for your harm God will bless your life in ways that only he can.

The stronger the attack, the bigger the blessing. Crazy, but when you get kicked right in the gut hard. When you walk trusting God, you know, he is getting you ready to show out in your life! The pain you may encounter along the way in strengthening your resolve. Helping you be able to face anything the enemy throws in your approach to disrupt your life.

Everything I am writing about what I have experienced. So, if you’re saying what does this guy know about my pain, he won’t understand what I’m going through in my life. It’s because I’ve lived it same as you.  I choose not to lose any more! Hope you come along!

Are you ready for some good news?

What if you could look at all this doom & gloom as coaching experience. That with a different perspective to life’s challenges you could get through with expectations of winning. You’re excited to face these challenges with a new open mind. You believe now that you will win no matter the obstacles.

Well, friends get ready for chapter two because you are about to learn how to WIN!

To purchase this book click the cover to visit Amazon:

book, ebook, God is your coach

Investment in Your Own Success vs. Sacrifice

/ Robert Bruton / Leave a comment

The buzzwords “what sacrifice are you willing to pay?” Is your life of happiness, joy, abundance really a sacrifice? 

Throw the word sacrifice out the window and replace it with; Investment in my own success!

After thinking about this a lot. What I have come to learn is I am not making any sacrifice in my life. To some degree in my life, I have since you hear over-and-over again. Sacrifice, what you are prepared to do? What I am sure of is I am ready to make an investment in my own success.

joy, happiness, success

Some of you will be saying the sacrifice I have to make is time. I am going to have to work night & day to complete my dreams. Work weekends, never having a life. Horse Manure!

Making an investment in your own success also includes time. For those of you that say I don’t have time, I suppose you don’t understand how to manage time properly. Don’t scream! Here me out.

Activity vs. Productivity
You can be busy as hell all day long. What did you accomplish? Learn to fill your day with productivity. Organize is the key! 

When you can learn the difference between these to words, time will begin to heal itself. Here are some examples that will help you get started:

  1. Plan your day down to the hour. Have set activities from hour-to-hour that net a result. Tasks.
  2. Learn to limit social media to downtimes NOT during activity hours. Seeing what your sister is making her kids for dinner can wait. Social media is the biggest killer of productive time.
  3. During productive hours shut off the world for a bit to focus. Setting boundaries for idle chitchat is okay. Let friends and family know you will be off the air from this time to that. Emergencies are obviously the exception to the rule. “Mom, can I have $20 to go to the mall can wait for an hour.”

Fill your day with productive time, not wasted time. The three items above give you the idea.

If you feel like you have to give up something to be successful, you need to rethink your plan. For many, it’s time with family. Dedicate times for date nights, time with children, school functions, and kids firsts. Organize your time. Calendar in your day!

calendar, organize, details

Typically, when you organize your day. Take out distractions best you can. Finding twenty hours a week in wasted time is an average.

When you work this out, you can have time for family, social, and activities outside your career. Making an investment in your life includes family. Make times to be present for spouse and children.

You will be more productive when you organize your life out to include growth. Which leads me to something many are doing, and I just began.

Begin your day at 4:00 A.M. 

Before you scream, hear me out! 

Most folks get up between 6 am, and 7 am to get ready for work. So let’s assume for a minute you get up and six. You have the same 24 hours that we all get. Break this down:

24 hrs. – 8 hr work day = 16 hr left – 2 hr commute = 14 hr left – 6 hr to sleep = 8 hr. 

You have Eight odd hours to fit in time for family, and investments in your own success. This can fluctuate a bit from day-to-day, but overall, this is how hours in a day can break down.

You cannot become successful without organizing each day. Activity is just that activity which produces nothing typically. Productivity produces purpose and results.

When faced with the dilemma that you’re sacrificing things in life, that’s really no life at all. I am not suggesting that sometime you may have to make a tough choice. What I am saying for sure that that will always be the exception NOT the rule.

Organize down so the contingency has a contingency. Have the discipline to follow your daily tasks to the letter. Try to never leave a task for tomorrow. If you have to make sure to knock it out first thing, before starting your routine when possible.

Change does take time and you will have setbacks. Just keep grinding forward. Even when you see NO way, believe me, a way will be made if you stay in faith.

What investment in your own success will you make today?

Comments or questions:

 

Secrets About Love the Government Is Hiding

/ Robert Bruton / Leave a comment

“I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.”–Og Mandino
This quote brings perspective to life, it’s all how you look at life, love, and happiness.

Have you failed in love, lost a relationship maybe even several. Has love eluded you as though it were some ultra-secret Government project? Romantic love, self-love, love of life, love, love, love!!!

passion, love, romance

Love sets our world on its axis. Love can bring us to the brink of total self-destruction. Yet we seek it with a passion an unwavering passion. Imagine bringing to bear this same passion in all aspects of our lives. Think about when love has involved the level of intensity and commitment you bring to it?

Romantic love brings out the very best, but it can bring out the very worst in people. Love blinds our judgment at times. Yet we continue to move towards the train tracks when everyone is screaming the train is coming. Will walk right out on those train tracks in pursuit of love.

When it comes to love, romantic love is often times where love begins and ends. Yet love should permeate our life experience in all we do. Love should guide our personal journey. Keep in the back of your mind reading this article the power of love. Think about your level of commitment to the pursuit of romantic love.

What seems to hide from most of us. Loving ourselves, loving the life we’ve carved out for ourselves. The passion with which we chisel out our experience. The masterpiece we hope it to be.

Of course, we love our family and children. When I talk about love or just about anything that has to do with life. Take the family out of the equation (not in the wrong way). Everyone loves their children, spouses with all their heart.

The real question is, do you love yourself as much as you like someone else? The same love you show for your child, do you give yourself that same level of devotion? If you don’t have a child, it can be a parent, spouse, or even a pet.

Do you love yourself with the same level that you like others?

The fact is being happy with yourself, bringing a glad you to this world. That’s where the real blessings begin. Where you find those hidden secrets to life that appear to be the most heavily guarded government secrets.

How do we find self-love, you ask?

  1. Spirituality. Get connected to God, the Universe, a higher power. Learn where your soul lives!
  2. Meditation, get connected with your conscious and sub-conscious mind. Learn to quiet the mind so you can receive.
  3. Breathe! Yep, I said it, learn to take breaks during your day to breathe. The power of this sixty-second time for you is immeasurable. It relaxes your mind and lets go of tension.
  4. Yoga. If you’ve never tried Yoga, then let me invite you for a fantastic surprise. Go try a few classes, you will get hooked!
  5. Make an investment in yourself. Video’s, books, classes, anything that uplifts your own spirit.

These five things are a great start. Learning to love yourself can be a daunting challenge. We’ve all done things in our lives that we wished we hadn’t. Guilt and self-loathing can rear their ugly heads to help us kick our own ass. It doesn’t have to be that way. Speaking from my personal experience here.

Here is my take on the past. If you are not doing the same things, you did in the past. Living your life in the right positive direction. It’s time to let yourself out of history and into your new life. It’s okay to love yourself, even with a past. Hell, we all have a past, if you’ve changed let it go.

Past indiscretions are not life sentences. Not doing the same things that were done in the past is your salvation to a new life. Let it go to God, never do it again, and you can have peace. This is a big one for me. If people in your life can’t see the change, you’ve made or want to hang on to the past. Don’t let that steal your joy.

If you have friends or family still holding onto your past. Not much you can do about that.

Loving ourselves begins with a first step. My challenge to you is to make the first step right now. Don’t think about it, start. Take one action today.

If you find this article useful, please think about buying me a cup of coffee, and thanks!

Buy Me A Coffee

 

self love,happiness,peace

Need to Stop Arguing this may Help

/ Robert Bruton / Leave a comment

How to start a civil conversation when you and your spouse, significant other, are fighting to the point you can’t say a nice word. This takes both you coming to the table as a cease-fire.

This is a fantastic way to have a civil conversation. What our goal will be is to talk without fighting. If you can begin a civil discourse, then you can start to find healing words and a way back to happiness.

self help, love, happiness

For this, to work, you have to both agree to NOT talk about your fight. This is a total cease-fire of all ugliness! Each must come with an open heart. 

  1. Make a time where you can sit down totally uninterrupted. No alcohol, no wine, just coffee or a soda. The two of you ONLY. Kids need to-go-to grandmas.
  2. Each of you agrees with no curse words.
  3. Rock, paper, scissors to see who talks first. Best two out of three if needed.

So what is the conversation going to be?

Give this some thought before you sit down. Assuming you are agreed.

Pick something about your life that your partner does not really know about you. The story can be about anything except for a topic that Segways into your argument. 

The whole point of this is to talk about something that allows the two of you to communicate! Each takes a turn in telling a story, having a conversation that is merely the two of you talking.

If you’ve completed this, we have one more exercise.

What made you fall in love with each other? Have a conversation about what makes you happy together.

If you can do these two things then perhaps what you’re arguing about is not that big a deal. Sometimes, we just need to talk civilly and then remember why we love one another.

Buy Me A Coffee