Tying it All Together

My latest book on Amazon. Tying it All Together

Don’t you sometimes wish that you could tie everything in your life together? Career, relationships, marriage, and parenting. That all these aspects of your life to harmoniously work. Instead, our lives get fragmented, one minute our job is on top of the world, the next we’re in divorce court. Nothing ever seems to run hitting on all eight cylinders running smooth. The trouble is one part of our life can crater with a trickle down in all other areas of our life.

Chapter 1

I can’t | I don’t have

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”—Thomas A. Edison

First, we get out of our language anything to do with lack. The “I can’t” or “I don’t have” is not part of the English language of your new life.

Second, nay Sayers are just that. People who can’t do a thing themselves and naturally you can’t either if you listen to that bilge. What you’re now looking for are Mentors, people who uplift you.

Throughout history, people have done things that others said could not be done. Or invented products that folks needed. All the while, naysayers are “It can’t be done.” Horse hockey!

Limiting beliefs placed in our sub-conscious over years of saying I can’t. Also not limited to just that phrase. Years and years of self-defeating language has us convinced we cannot.

Dogpile on top of that, family, friends, managers, whomever, telling you that you don’t have what it takes, you don’t have the education, people who do that are gifted. What? You can teach yourself anything.

Okay, I give. You can’t teach yourself to be a brain surgeon. My point with this statement is I doubt you’re looking to become a brain surgeon, don’t overthink what your ability can or cannot achieve. Start, try, give it a shot, jump, swim, begin is the point!

So, in this chapter, we’re going to start replacing limiting language and thoughts. How you say, well I have an answer for that. Without this step in the process, later in the book, you will have more difficulty if you don’t make the changes now.

What do we have to change:

  1. Replace limiting thoughts with thoughts of okay how do I achieve this (the what is irrelevant at this point).
  2. Be aware of the language, the words that we use. I can’t, is NO longer a word in your mind’s dictionary. Don’t worry; I am going to share how to get rid of this stuff.
  3. Self-defeating actions. Self-sabotage, and worst of all, procrastination.

There is a lot more to the life changes than just the three I listed. You get a general idea.  As we move through chapters, we will cover a great deal more ground.

For many years we teach ourselves unknowingly that we can’t achieve certain things. Limiting beliefs are ingrained in our subconscious mind over the years. Taking time now to change this old habit and create new ones will take work and time.

What I have found that helps me declutter my mind so that I can see myself in a better state-of-mind, meditation. Learning to meditate can get you back in touch with your inner self.

Getting rid of limiting beliefs takes retraining our mind not once to say, “I can’t do that.”
“I don’t have what it takes to achieve this.” In your meditation practice, you begin to see yourself through your mind’s eye in the place you want to be — not just a physical place, but where you see yourself emotionally.

Our brain will tell us to run from something that raises our stress level. It’s like what Marathon runners experience when they hit what is called the wall. That point late in the race where the brain is saying you can’t make another step, stop, your mind is telling you that your legs are injured. Push past this without risk of injury to your body.

Studies that prove it’s the brain talking to you, not physical injury. Pushing through this emotional wall is possible.

This bond your brain has with flight will be hard to break. Meditation is a daily practice. It’s the best way I have found to quiet my mind so I can reprogram my thoughts for growth, not defeat.

Let’s cover a few points on how easy it is to begin to meditate before you start if you have a spouse or partner have them give you a brief shoulder neck massage before beginning your practice — the tension out of your body as much as possible.

“Everything that’s created comes out of silence. Your thoughts emerge from the nothingness of silence. Your words come out of this void. Your very essence emerged from emptiness. All creativity requires some stillness.”—Wayne Dyer

Let’s begin:

  1. Pick a time when you can have thirty minutes to an hour to yourself. With no interruption. My favorite place is my bedroom. I can either sit on the floor with my back to the bed or lay down (don’t fall asleep).
  2. Music playing, outdoor sounds, ocean, rain, can be calming and help you relax. It’s best if you can use headphones. You can find lots of cool stuff on YouTube® that’s commercial free. I find that with headphones, I can concentrate my mind more sharply.
  3. Take several deep cleansing breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. Helps clear your body and ease tension.
  4. Then with the eye’s closed in a relaxed posture. Breathe. Follow your breathing with your mind, nice slow breaths filling your body with oxygen. It’s good to feel your belly as it moves up and down. Get a rhythm.
  5. Begin to relax your feet, move up your legs into your hips, and let your body go. Breath and relax all the tension out of your body. Just focus for a time on relaxing your body.
  6. As you relax feel yourself floating, imagine your light enough to float on clouds.
  7. When relaxed and breathing rhythmically. Begin to focus your minds-eye towards happiness. See yourself happy. That can take any form you like. Use your imagination to see yourself happy. What is something YOU love to do? What makes you the most comfortable. It could be from childhood or adulthood: no right or wrong way, just a happy place.
  8. Placing your mind there now begin to allow that emotion to fill your body. Feel it from the balls of your feet to the crown of your head. Feel happiness; fill your body. Allow yourself to be in this bliss. Stay as-long-as you like.
  9. As you begin to come out of your meditation, slowly allow your body to unwind, let go of any thought and be in the moment. Open your eye’s and smile.
  10. Begin this process tonight! What you will learn in this book is we act now, not tomorrow! Procrastination is not in our vocabulary anymore. Begin today, please, and thank you.

If you want to make it through times when you will hit the Marathon wall, and it’s like you just got hit by a Mack truck, you must train to overcome what we will have to face as you begin this process.

You will have challenges to be sure. Don’t worry; our emotional training starts here. You will find the strength. So exciting.

Years and years of Garbage is overflowing your mind. This book is a garbage truck.

The “I can’t” do this or that. Who says? 99% of the time you. How do you know if you’re not even willing to try? Saying this to yourself, I can’t is conditioned into your mind so profoundly that you believe whatever your head is telling you. Hard to imagine that we can lie to ourselves unknowingly. It’s packaged to a negative response you accept.

We’ve all heard the story of breaking the four-minute mile. Once achieved, then many athletes now can claim they can run four-minute miles.

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”—Nelson Mandela 

Twenty years ago, if you would have asked anyone in my family, do you think Robert will write books years from now. They would have laughed until they peed their pants. Not even my friends would have believed this to be true.

Fear is also going to hold you back. We all fear failure. The difference between success and failure is people stop because they get scared. “I have a family I can’t risk failure!” Ask yourself if you have enough money to stand a year-long layoff (heaven forbid) if tomorrow your company said we’re cutting back?

We’re all a paycheck away from disaster most of our lives. So, don’t use this as an excuse.

What if I could show you a way to conquer fear enough to allow you to formulate a plan to save your life, strengthen your family, and will enable you to walk with peace-of-mind. Be great, wouldn’t it?

Okay, follow along.

Everything you’ve learned in life plays it safe; I am going to teach you how to play it smart.

Stop buying the sack of manure you sell yourself every day that you can’t. Get the I’m shy; I’m weak, I’m feeble, get that the hell out of your vocabulary.

How?

Every time you say I can’t, take a rubber band and pop the crap out of your arm.  However, take a moment to say that was the old me, the NEW ME CAN! I can be happy; I can be in shape, I can learn more, I can have a happy marriage, I can have great kids, I can, I can, I can!

If you screw up guess what you’re not alone. Acknowledge, you had a time of weakness but your back. Guess what you can make a mistake and get right back on track. Right now, I want you to stop and run a mile as fast as you can no walking. Could you do it! Probably not is my guess. Could you if you trained for a month or so? Sure.

You’re not going to overcome this the first time. You’re not going to change without practice. Set in your phone reminders that buzz, ding, ring, whatever. Tell yourself to smile, or be strong, put an affirmation as a reminder.

Put all the good in your noodle today that you can plunge into your brain. Guess what we do this over and over. Day after day!

Shy people hello. Man are we going to need to get outside our comfort zone. Fear not time to train. How can we overcome fear?

“People who ask confidently get more than those who are hesitant and uncertain. When you’ve figured out what you want to ask for, do it with certainty, boldness, and confidence. Don’t be shy or feel intimidated by the experience. You may face some unexpected criticism but be prepared for it with confidence.”—Jack Canfield

Here are some fun ideas:

  1. Find social meetups. Places that you can go to a book club, movie review club anywhere that you must socially interact with friendly people. Nice folks won’t eat you I promise.
  2. The best way to get outside yourself is to help someone in need. Can even be an animal shelter. Put yourself in situations where you can gain strength. Social interaction helping someone is a blessing beyond words. Single parents take your kids.
  3. Go to Yoga, meditation classes; take a cooking class.

Finding ways to strengthen our life resolve is just a matter of getting off our butt and doing it. I wish I could say something or give you a pill. My friends, we must work to achieve. Good news, it’s not hard, most of these costs no money.

Through your meditation practice, when you visualize yourself, see yourself healthy, assertive, and happy. Show your subconscious what you want it will manifest for you. Take this to prayer, let God know you no longer say I can’t, or I don’t have.

God will supply abundance in all areas of your life. Keep in mind this is not about starting a business, jobs, or material things. Yes, it’s a part of if you want it to be. This book is teaching you how to have an all-encompassing life. Mind, Body, Soul.

When you find yourself in a difficult situation, go to God in prayer, let him know that you need help, what I do when times in my head get dark. I say, “God has me” over and over. Eventually, I get calm.

In times of stress, let God know you’re not losing anymore. Power your way through. Even if you see no hope at all, hold onto hope with blind faith. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Talking later in the book, we will do an entire chapter on Resources vs. Resourcefulness. When you can master how to be resourceful the I can’t, and I don’t will go straight out the window. Also, strengthen your ability to fend off fear.

Fear manifests when you don’t have a solution. Then your mind starts to say “oh boy we’re going to crash” and away your head goes, and down you go. Think about being able to on command say “I have an app for that” metaphorically speaking.

You can know in your heart that today; an answer does not exist. Give me some time to sort this out and away you go. Having that knowledge to, in a sense, trick your mind into saying “we got this” will give you the inner strength to overcome any obstacle.

Click on the book cover to view on Amazon:

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Tying it All Together, Sneak Peek

This is a little sneak peek from the new book I am working on Tying it All Together. So many books out there that fix this or that. As part of the Life Research Project, we begin to pull all of my books into one. 

What was always lacking for me in self-improvement was solving a little piece of the puzzle when I needed a complete life change, total immersion. 

Enjoy this from a current book project Tying it All Together.

self improvement, self help, life

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”—Thomas A. Edison

First, we get out of our language anything to do with lack. The “I can’t” or “I don’t have” is not part of the English language of your new life.

Second, nay Sayers are just that. People who can’t do a thing themselves and naturally you can’t either if you listen to that bilge. What you’re now looking for are Mentors, people who uplift you.

Throughout history, people have done things that others said could not be done. Or invented things that folks need. All the while, naysayers are “It can’t be done.” Horse hockey!

Limiting beliefs are placed in our sub-conscious over years of saying I can’t. This is also not limited to just that phrase. Years and years of self-defeating language has us convinced we cannot.

Dogpile on top of that, family, friends, managers, whomever, telling you that you don’t have what it takes, you don’t have the education, people who do that are gifted. What? You can teach yourself anything.

Okay, I give. You can’t teach yourself to be a brain surgeon. My point with this statement is I doubt you’re looking to become a brain surgeon, don’t overthink what your ability can or cannot achieve. Start, try, give it a shot, jump, swim, just begin is the point!

So, in this chapter, we’re going to start replacing limiting language and thoughts. How you say, well I have an answer for that. Without this step in the process, later in the book, you will have more difficulty if you don’t make the changes now.

What do we have to change:

  1. Replace limiting thoughts with thoughts of okay how do I achieve this (the what is irrelevant at this point).
  2. Be aware of the language, the words that we use. I can’t, is NO longer a word in your mind’s dictionary. Don’t worry; I am going to share how to get rid of this stuff.
  3. Self-defeating actions. Self-sabotage, and worst of all, procrastination.

There is a lot more to the life changes than just the three I listed. You get a general idea.  As we move through chapters, we will cover a great deal more ground.

For many years we teach ourselves unknowingly that we can’t achieve certain things. Limiting beliefs are ingrained in our subconscious mind over the years. Taking time now to change this old habit and create new ones will take work and time.

Comments or questions:

Fear Of Success

“Apple Computer would not have reached its current peak of success if it had feared to roll the dice and launch products that didn’t always hit the mark. In, the mid-1990s, the company was considered washed up, Steve Jobs had departed, and a string of lackluster product launches unrelated to the company’s core business”.– Naveen Jain

it’s time to overcome fear!

Fear of success, you would d think not a soul would have that. You would be wrong. Many folks have a fear of success. Sadly many will sabotage any chance for success, by saying “it’s too hard,” “I don’t have the resources,” or quit because it’s hard. Ever heard the phrase no pain no gain, (I know an old cliche)?

The actual difference about a winner and a loser: Getting up one more time! Being able to take a shot from life, get knocked the f&*k out and getting up one more time. In the face of what is the point, get up! If you can do that, you will succeed.

self help, happy, overcome fear

Most of us are afraid of the unknown so don’t feel like you’re the only one. If you jump out and leave yourself vulnerable what is the worst thing that might happen? Seriously? What the hell are any of us afraid of? Oh my God, we might fail! Okay, then what? If all you did was put yourself out there to achieve something more and you failed, now what? You didn’t die, you’re still standing, breathing, 10 fingers and 10 toes.

The worst thing you have to begin again. What the hell is wrong with that. You contemplate your next plan of attack. Choose a new path, what does that path look like? Stop being afraid to just try something new. Find something you’re not scared of. Perhaps it’s when you met someone you were really attracted to. Most people can talk more shit when it’s something that they really want than they ever imagined possible. Some of you would call that game. Why because they are passioned about the end result. Fear is no longer an issue.

Ladies when you’re trying to land that perfect guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. Your conversation is on it’s “A” game. Fear diminishes because your charms take over.  The end result decreases all fear.

What we’re saying here is find the passion in what you’re doing, what diminishes fear is game. Learn all you can about what it is you want to do. Have “game.” When you find the exact reason for what you wish to achieve, family, success, relationship or building the next great business. Find what truly passions you and then allow yourself to stumble, fall, bust your ass over and over. Until one day you take a shot and you don’t fall, you take hit after hit, and you’re still standing. You look around you and figure out you have the game, you have confidence in YOU.

So some of you are still sitting here saying easier said than done you ass. You don’t just change. Okay, I will give you that to some small measure. Until you make a conscious decision to change, I mean a no bullshit decision without any caveats. Then yes you will not find the change you seek.

Most people kick their own ass. You lose before you ever get in the ring to fight, by just telling yourself you can’t. Or you listen to naysayers that say you can’t, sadly these are usually people close to us family.

So stop telling people what you’re going to do and do it! Don’t tell a soul what you doing, misery loves the company and guesses what the only person that wants success for you, Damn well better be just you. Mothers will say, “oh yes honey I want you to be the President of the United States, but with one caveat don’t hurt yourself” sorry princess you don’t get jobs like that without taking some real shots to the gut (no offense Moms, people close to us love us and don’t want to see us in pain, that’s natural).

If you can’t take a shot from life right to the balls and get back up. Then expect the same result you now achieve. You have to put yourself out their take shot. It may be painful, it may hurt, but it won’t kill you! What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger don’t you love stupid cliches.

If needed stand in a room by yourself and scream at the top of your voice “I am not a scared pussy, and those that think I am can kiss my fucking ass.” Scream that as loud and crazy as you can. Stop reading and do it now if you’re not in front of children. If you are, scream in a pillow. Do something that gets your blood boiling, be mad at the world and tell the world NO MORE, I AM DONE, IT’S MY TURN TO WIN.

So you go out and try something it utterly fails, you look foolish, WHO THE FUCK CARES? What colossal injustice you suffered for a whopping few minutes. Next week, next few days I doubt anyone involved will even remember your screw up. So don’t be afraid to screw up because if you jack it up guess what your not so special that people honestly give two shits they’re dealing with their own shit.

Take time to find passion in what you want to try. Yell, scream, get excited about your whatever. Don’t be afraid to screw up. It’s not the end of the world if you do. Kid drops a high fly ball to center field and loses the game. What does a parent say, don’t worry son you will win the next one, it was a mistake, and you will get the next one. So yes folks guess what if you screw up you will get the next one.

You can overcome fear, I bet if someone bitch slapped your Mom, you could find the strength to fight back to protect her. If someone were hurting you or a family member, you would see the strength in yourself to fight back. So you can overcome fear with the right motivation. Merely being sick and tired of being sick and tired, should move your ass. Stop taking a beating to get up and hit back. Methodically of course!

Still not convinced you can overcome your fear? First off it’s okay. Fear can be debilitating if you let it. Things can be easier said than done, that does not mean impossible. Nor is it impossible for you to change.

Change can happen by taking baby steps. Do one thing, just a straightforward matter to overcome fear. Go to a coffee house and strike up a conversation with a total stranger. If nothing more than in passing saying “how about this weather?” If it’s awful, make it just getting off your ass and going out the door. We’re not candy coating things get off your ass and do one thing. I am not asking you out on a second date, do just one small step! That act in and of itself is a step forward, excellent job!!!

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It’s Time to Change

Life is so seasonal when you genuinely think about how things turn one way then another. A new season in my life is beginning while another ends. It’s sad to let go of part of your life. Like so many say you can’t look in the rearview mirror and expect not to crash.

We’re supposed to say God is moving our life around so that our destiny can reveal itself to us. I get that it’s not easy today. What I had hoped would be a lifetime has been cut short. Many of the what you shouldn’t dos are running through my head. What if’s!

To indeed move forward I have come to understand that if God had blessed that which now he is changing. Then things would be status quo. Today its hard for me to follow God’s plan. The good news is that at least I’m open to change. That acceptance of what is out of my control is a good step forward. Sometimes we must allow life to change. May hurt or sting a bit, but it will get better.

More to the point its actually with some peace that I can let go. What do any of us have to lose if we just let go and let god, pardon the cliché? If life were perfect, then none of what is happening in my life would be occurring. Everything would have stayed the same. The old me would have lost all hope.

In the midst of some pain, I can see more light than dark. Sure, who does not want for things to change in their life when it’s a painful change. It would be awesome if the difference were I was a millionaire, that type of change is most welcome.

life, change, feelings

Through my spiritual study what has come clear to me is that my life has a purpose. What that purpose is can sometimes hide from my site. For a good reason, it is hidden. We have to be prepared to handle this part of our new life. If we have not grown or found some new wisdom we feel, then we missed the point. How could we ever expect to succeed with anything new?

If you have reached a point in your life as I have, changing even though painful to my heart is the only real choice to make. What the heck have we gone to lose? In my mind, it’s failed other ways maybe it’s time to think from the soul and not my head. Follow a higher purpose than myself. Believing today through faith, I will be happier and find real meaning in all my relationships.

This time I’m not losing. I’m changing no matter how painful it is sometimes, how hard the past clings on in my head. It’s time for a real change, a new outlook on life. I have begun to see miracles occur for me, and true blessings come my way.

It’s time to change!

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