Today be Present in the Moment

Being present in the moment is something I learned later in life and at some cost. Life can get hectic, bills, stress at work, you could fill in dozens of more distractions.

What do we mean by being present in the moment? If your children are tugging on you to pay attention to them. When your mind is somewhere else, focused on how you’re going to pay the rent for example. Kids can sense when you’re not paying total attention.

self help, play, fun

Even a spouse can sense when you are not really there. The mind is sifting through tons of garbage, not what is at hand. Just, not paying attention.

It’s easy to justify the stress overtaking the moment. “If I don’t focus on my work we don’t eat.” That very well may be true to a point. Eight o’clock at night business is closed you can give your spouse, or children some of your time.

Being able to be present in the moment with family is precious. You can’t get back time, ever! What I learned the hard way is that your stress will be there in the morning, why not leave it at the front door. Easier said than done!

Here are some things I do today so that I can be present in the moment:

  1. Stress if I allow overtaking my brain, makes matters worse. Learn to harness your stress. If you freak out, that is precisely what your Universe will deliver to you!
  2. Meditate daily. Learn to relax, focus your mind. It’s in these moments solutions will come to you. Peace will come to you!
  3. Breathe, you heard me breathe. During the day, stop and breathe. Take a couple deep cleansing breaths and then breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. Do this for about a minute only. Try it you will be amazed.
  4. Prioritize time for your family. They’re way more important than ANYTHING else you could be focused on. Happy breeds Happy in your home! You bring the stress and guess what, that’s what the family gets, stress. Stop it!
  5. Take a walk. I am not talking about going to the gym take a walk. Get outside and clear your head. Enjoy the world around you. Learn to relax. Walking helps to do this. This is not a workout walk, this is holding the hand of your spouse walk.

Don’t put this off until tomorrow, next month, you need to give this gift to yourself. Time is more precious than we imagine while stressed out. If you can’t be present at the moment for your family voluntarily, what would happen if heaven forbid you were forced to focus. A health reason, someone got injured, you could find time then.

Don’t waste this precious time in your life focused on the bills, work stress, hell everyone has that. Give those that love you, YOU! Don’t tell your children you’re too busy. Don’t tell your spouse you’re too busy.

Unaquivicably, I can tell you that all the stress, worry, I brought too my life didn’t make tinkers damn in the final outcome. Meaning, it only brought more of the same full frontal stress!

Stop at the moment breathe, smile and enjoy.

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Beginners Guide to Meditation

Meditation is a fantastic way to help still your mind. Allowing you to relax in ways I am confident you never have before. Meditating also will enable you to visualize what your heart desires. Getting you into a state of bliss.

The great news is this is not hard at all to do or practice. The steps to get started are easy to learn.

prayer, spiritual, visualize

Let’s get started with what you need before you begin to meditate:

  1. Using meditation music helps a lot. If you have headphones for your smartphone, this works great. Headphones help drown out ambient noise that can distract your concentration. The music will help you focus your mind.
  2. Have a place you can either sit in a comfortable pillow, chair or lay down (you don’t want to fall asleep) comfortable but not so that you sleep. We want to be awake but entirely pleasant.
  3. If possible turn off cell phone notifications. It’s essential to not break your concentration.
  4. The most important thing before you begin is that you’re comfortable. Comfy clothes, bare feet, comfortable temperature, and NO distractions.
  5. Think about what you would like to focus on during your meditation practice. Try to think only about one thing, for example, pick one; relaxation, happiness, let go of stress. If you have something, then use it.
  6. Remember there is a reason its called a practice! Over time you will get excellent.
  7. There is no real time limit. What I teach is continue for 5 minutes and continue until you feel like you have finished. Find the bliss enjoy it and leave your meditation practice on a peak note.

Now that you have the stuff you need where to begin:

  1. Get into a comfortable position. It’s not a bad idea to stretch for a moment just loosen up your body, nothing fancy just stretch.
  2. Turn on the music and begin to relax.
  3. Take a few deep cleansing breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. Fill your lungs with happiness and joy, exhale all the dark.
  4. As you finish the cleansing breaths, begin to focus on your breathing. Nice lung filling breaths in through the nose out through the mouth. No strains in breathing just nice and smooth. Filling your body with Clean healing oxygen and exhaling dark black stress, tension, and so on.
  5. Continue to breath and let your body completely relax. Remove any thought from your head, all you want to concentrate on is in with the good and out with the bad. Relax!
  6. As you feel yourself relaxing enjoy the moment, be present in that moment. (A side note here, if you’re having trouble, can’t relax or your head is running ninety to nothing, be patient. This may take a couple of sessions to master).
  7. Look through your mind’s eye and see yourself happy, stress-free, tension free, in a place that makes you happy. Feel the emotions, be grateful in this moment.
  8. Rinse and Repeat! Practice daily.

The power of meditation can only be experienced. Whatever, preconceived notion you might have. Have an open heart and give it a try.

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Questions or share your progress:

Life Change

This is a little taste of my new book coming out the first of next year. Not yet titled, but it covers life change. What steps we need to take for lasting change. 

Change cannot come without discomfort.

Don’t quit because of discomfort. Change is not occurring as quickly as hoped. The pain of loss or other stressors is not dissipating.  The mind is continually in a barrage of negative thoughts, self-doubt and feels as though nothing is getting better.

“I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.”–Muhammad Ali 

Keeping an eye towards a positive outcome. Being grateful in advance of anything manifesting good in life. Meditate on the result.

If you take a trip around the world at some point in time weather delays, airport delays, canceled flights, lost luggage, lost hotel reservations, something is going to happen. The chances are excellent that more than once.

Would you stop an around the world trip over a delay? No, you deal with it and keep going!

The first activity to do:

Breathe

You read that right breath. The power of this simple act is immeasurable. Here is why. The simple act of taking a break to breathe for just a minute or two. It helps to slow down your mind, relaxes your muscles and body. Your mind will begin to relax.

How to breathe:

  1. Take a couple of deep cleansing breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth.
  2. Slow your breathing to a relaxing pace. Close your eyes to focus on a slow deep breathing exercise.
  3. Breath deep into your lungs without straining. Allow the oxygen to fill your lungs and a relaxed exhale.
  4. Continue this for a good sixty seconds or a little more.
  5. When you feel relaxed merely stop.

What outcome to desire is relaxation. Let go of your body in a chair when doing this breathing exercise. Just taking a couple of minutes a few times per day to breathe. You will be amazed at how calming this can be.

The tension in the body will begin to wash away. Give it time. This works so well you will make it a part of your daily routine. Who thought something so easy would make such a difference in our day.

If you have questions about the book:

Toxic Relationship Stops NOW

“Your past does NOT define your future.” This will become very clear as the story moves forward. Are you ready for change? If so then welcome.

It doesn’t matter whether you male or female. Either side can be on the receiving end of a toxic relationship. The article is written to both genders.

When you dwell into the past then thoughts of “I’m not worthy” “I’m worthless” will stop you in your tracks. It’s time to get our thinking into a healthy mindset; it’s time to smile again.

stress, spouse, self help

We really do this when it comes to letting go of relationships. Looking in that rearview mirror for clues. Answers that may never happen. It’s difficult to let go of relationships when we don’t understand fully why they ended or must end because it’s toxic.

Sometimes we’re in toxic relationships that it’s necessary for us to move on for our own sanity. Sadly, in this type of relationship, we get ourselves beaten down to the point that toxic behavior is allowed and accepted from ourselves. For some, the connection itself means more than our own serenity.

Allowing ones’ self to fall prey to this type of relationship is far more comfortable than what you might think. We convince ourselves that this person will change, or something about ourselves we can change that will make our toxic partner love us.

First thing don’t believe you have no options. For example, a housewife with young children no family close and the list goes on. So, acceptance becomes easier than facing the pain. This life is not your portrayal of a doormat. “Woo-Hoo I landed the part of a lifetime Doormat!” Not only NO but heck NO!

What now seems like a no-way-out scenario. Is temporary if you make it so.

This story will help:

Let’s pretend for a moment that the relationship of our dreams is at the top of a vast mountain we must climb to the summit to live happily-ever-after. Stay with me I know it sounds cheesy.

Our emotions are so heavy for the beautiful relationship we have to carry them in a backpack. So we load love, passion, desire, tranquility, and fulfillment into our pack. This is a lot of heavy emotions we’re carrying up the hill. The good news, for now, is that it all fits and we can carry it. The summit does not seem so far away.

Now comes our partner who has a few things we need to carry for them. These toxic emotions are incredibly dense.

What could be so much?

  • Control
  • Jealousy
  • Anger
  • Narcissistic behavior
  • Abuse both physical and mental (If physical violence is a part of your life, reach out for professional help, contact your local law enforcement. Protection and assistance are a phone call away)

So as the relationship begins “your hike up the hill” the emotions mentioned above get stuffed in your backpack. Not all at once mind you but slowly as you ascend to the summit. With each step, the pack becomes more burdensome, and your ability to combat these new emotions diminishes due to mental fatigue.

Until finally you just fall from exhaustion from the toxic emotional weight of the pack.

This becomes a dark place where we just see no light. The trail becomes so obscure we’re not able to see any hope (light at the end of the path to guide us). If you’re in this place, breathe! We’re getting ready to turn on the light to guide your way. Hope exists.

So what happens now? The answer is the flashlight that is in the bottom of your backpack that is now stuffed so tightly you cannot reach inside to get it. You’re going to have to unload the pack enough to get to the light. The flashlight holds the key to lighting your way.

Here are some simple steps bringing light to start now:

  1. Take a moment and breathe, yes breathe. Find a place that you can take a couple of minutes to just breathe. Take a couple of deep cleansing breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. Then just breathe for at least one minute. Relax your body. Relaxed clear mind! 
  2. Start walking every day. Do this for a couple of reasons. One you need strength, two you have an opportunity to clear your
  3. Learning to make your mind, relax your body. Power comes from within when you can harness that strength, see yourself while meditating towards that which you truly desire.
  4. Accept that YOU are allowed to be happy. Allowed to have the life you want. Your current situation is not a sentence.
  5. Educate yourself with suitable material. Apply what you learn to gain strength and enlightenment. Make an investment in your own happiness.

Would you like to know what the good news is? Five new negative emotions were added to your backpack. You now have five steps that have helped you remove enough garbage out of your pack so that now the flashlight that guides your way is within reach in your bag.

Grab it!

Now, let’s finish our climb.

With a lighter pack and light to see the trail. You can stand up and finish the journey. Toxic relationships are not anyone’s destiny. Getting out of it may have some pain that must be endured. Our steps outlined help you develop the strength to take the strain.

With your lighter pack and flashlight in hand begin your walk. The summit is now is starting to come clear from the fog that WAS your life. Practice every day these simple steps, and you will be amazed at how quickly your emotional strength will recover.

See yourself at the top of the mountain. Now we need to add a little to what happens when we get to the top of our mountain.

At the top of the mountain, the summit, the pinnacle of your happiness. From this vantage point, you see, happiness, love, joy, and freedom to live the life you dreamt of. With the strength to say what is acceptable and what is NOT acceptable in your life experience.

We all may enjoy a life filled with trials and tribulations, but those trials are not acceptable when induced by someone that professes to love us.

You now have the tools to begin the journey. Remember, you’re not alone, and you are worthy of happiness.

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Helpful Resources:

Pastoral Counseling (reach out to a local Church that offers Pastoral Care)
Marriage Counseling (many centers work on a sliding scale for payment)

Frustration get rid of It

As the title would suggest getting rid of frustration, well easier said than done. Good news it’s possible to condition ourselves to at least shake it off quicker.

Frustration can if we allow it to be debilitating to some and stifling to others. We all get frustrated with work problems, relationship problems, and life in general. Our lives are moving as quickly forward as we would like for example.

self help, prayer, happy

Here are a few simple tasks to be done that can help relieve frustration:

  1. Take a minute or two several times a day to just breathe. A couple of deep cleansing breaths. A minute or so of just breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth. Relax.
  2. Whatever it is that frustrates you write down what the outcome you would like to have to overcome the frustration. Then focus on that. Put this up like an affirmation everywhere you can. The result, not the problem!
  3. When appropriate talk it out. Get someone you respect to offer a new perspective. You don’t necessarily have to agree, but you can see that alternatives do exist.
  4. Get out and walk. Clear your head. Go somewhere where you can take in beautiful trees, nature, or just a place that you find calming. Enjoy a calming walk, focus on what’s around you soak up the environment. Leave your woe’s in the car.
  5. Turn the frustration on its head. Look at what’s happening as a game challenge. To get to the next level, you have to concur where you are. Look for solutions vs. focusing on the frustration itself.

Nothing hard about these few things that you can do to help you overcome frustration. Focus your attention on the end result of where you would like to be. The path to get their will come clear as you believe for the outcome you desire.

Open your heart to possibility. Even if the outcome is not what you desire. Look at the bigger picture, perhaps God is clearing this out to make room for what your destiny indeed is. Sometimes, we must let go of toxic situations to gain our true promise. Be open in your heart, and this will come clear to you.

Smile, breathe and go take a walk!

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