Breaking down parts of the book to help you achieve greater success in any aspect of your life. You can apply these principals to adjust the trajectory of your life right now.
In this article, we briefly touch on one thing you can do right now to bring about lasting change. One thing is an easy win!
Time to divorce “I can’t.” The “I can’t” syndrome will stifle all greatness in you. “I can’t do it:
I’m too old
I’m too poor
I’m too set in my ways.
I’m too busy
This list stops here. Otherwise, we continue excuse-after-excuse until we quit. Not this time, my friends.
You can I’m too yourself to NOTHING! Or you can realize you are never too old, too weak, also set in ways or too busy to change. Beliefs that have been indoctrinated into your head for years are strangling you to death.
You can absolutely change if you want to, period. The problem most have is when it becomes emotionally painful, we wimp out and stop. Instead of fighting through screaming at the heavens, “I am winning this time!”
Gaining faith in our ability takes time. Successful people will tell you that the reason they win. They’re willing to take one more step farther than you, no matter the effort needed. They simply outwork you.
Organize your life to win, teaches you how to organize, so you win. If you do not hold yourself towards success, you will never have success. This is all part of getting “I can’t” out of our vernacular. Out of our heads forever.
Here are some actions you can take right now:
Put up, visualizations, “I Can!”
Meditate on I can vs. I can’t.
Instead of looking at why you cannot, search for why you can do something you set your heart too.
Key is to make a To-Do every day that works towards letting go of “I can’t.” The above is a great start.
Keep going until this becomes second nature. Change does not happen overnight. Set out a minimum of six months of continuous focus.
Replace I can’t with I can! Stop overthinking and set the reminders now.
Learn to have faith in yourself. How do you get confidence in your own ability? Practice what I have suggested over-and-over again until it becomes natural to you. Nothing in this life is easy until you master the technique.
You don’t walk out on a golf course and shoot par first time out. It takes a lot of practice to master the game. Life is the same way. If you want to change something about yourself. Stop saying I can’t and begin to say I can. Have faith.
Faith takes practice because it will be tested. Your ability to work through these times will take training. Do not get discouraged if things get tough. Only I can. This is your new mantra. When you think you cannot take a step further, take action.
Through determination, practice, and your will. Finding a new, you; is just around the corner.
Don’t you sometimes wish that you could tie everything in your life together? Career, relationships, marriage, and parenting. That all these aspects of your life to harmoniously work. Instead, our lives get fragmented, one minute our job is on top of the world, the next we’re in divorce court. Nothing ever seems to run hitting on all eight cylinders running smoothly. The trouble is one part of our life can crater with a trickle-down in all other areas of our life.
I can’t | I don’t have
“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”—Thomas A. Edison
First, we get out of our language anything to do with lack. The “I can’t” or “I don’t have” is not part of the English language of your new life.
Second, nay Sayers are just that. People who can’t do a thing themselves and naturally you can’t either if you listen to that bilge. What you’re now looking for are Mentors, people who uplift you.
Throughout history, people have done things that others said could not be done. Or invented products that folks needed. All the while, naysayers are “It can’t be done.” Horse hockey!
Limiting beliefs placed in our sub-conscious over years of saying I can’t. Also not limited to just that phrase. Years and years of self-defeating language has us convinced we cannot.
Dogpile on top of that, family, friends, managers, whomever, telling you that you don’t have what it takes, you don’t have the education, people who do that are gifted. What? You can teach yourself anything.
Okay, I give. You can’t teach yourself to be a brain surgeon. My point with this statement is I doubt you’re looking to become a brain surgeon, don’t overthink what your ability can or cannot achieve. Start, try, give it a shot, jump, swim, begin is the point!
So, in this chapter, we’re going to start replacing limiting language and thoughts. How you say, well I have an answer to that. Without this step in the process, later in the book, you will have more difficulty if you don’t make the changes now.
What do we have to change:
Replace limiting thoughts with thoughts of okay how do I achieve this (the what is irrelevant at this point).
Be aware of the language, the words that we use. I can’t, is NO longer a word in your mind’s dictionary. Don’t worry; I am going to share how to get rid of this stuff.
Self-defeating actions. Self-sabotage, and worst of all, procrastination.
There is a lot more to the life changes than just the three I listed. You get a general idea. As we move through chapters, we will cover a great deal more ground.
For many years we teach ourselves unknowingly that we can’t achieve certain things. Limiting beliefs are ingrained in our subconscious mind over the years. Taking the time now to change this old habit and create new ones will take work and time.
What I have found that helps me declutter my mind so that I can see myself in a better state-of-mind, meditation. Learning to meditate can get you back in touch with your inner self.
Getting rid of limiting beliefs takes retraining our mind not once to say, “I can’t do that.”
“I don’t have what it takes to achieve this.” In your meditation practice, you begin to see yourself through your mind’s eye in the place you want to be — not just a physical place, but where you see yourself emotionally.
Our brain will tell us to run from something that raises our stress level. It’s like what Marathon runners experience when they hit what is called the wall. That point late in the race where the brain is saying you can’t make another step, stop, your mind is telling you that your legs are injured. Push past this without risk of injury to your body.
Studies that prove it’s the brain talking to you, not physical injury. Pushing through this emotional wall is possible.
This bond your brain has with flight will be hard to break. Meditation is a daily practice. It’s the best way I have found to quiet my mind so I can reprogram my thoughts for growth, not defeat.
Let’s cover a few points on how easy it is to begin to meditate before you start if you have a spouse or partner have them give you a brief shoulder neck massage before beginning your practice — the tension out of your body as much as possible.
“Everything that’s created comes out of silence. Your thoughts emerge from the nothingness of silence. Your words come out of this void. Your very essence emerged from emptiness. All creativity requires some stillness.”—Wayne Dyer
Pick a time when you can have thirty minutes to an hour to yourself. With no interruption. My favorite place is my bedroom. I can either sit on the floor with my back to the bed or lay down (don’t fall asleep).
Music playing, outdoor sounds, ocean, rain, can be calming and help you relax. It’s best if you can use headphones. You can find lots of cool stuff on YouTube® that’s commercial-free. I find that with headphones, I can concentrate my mind more sharply.
Take several deep cleansing breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. It helps clear your body and ease tension.
Then with the eye’s closed in a relaxed posture. Breathe. Follow your breathing with your mind, nice slow breaths filling your body with oxygen. It’s good to feel your belly as it moves up and down. Get a rhythm.
Begin to relax your feet, move up your legs into your hips, and let your body go. Breathe and relax all the tension out of your body. Just focus for a time on relaxing your body.
As you relax feel yourself floating, imagine your light enough to float on clouds.
When relaxed and breathing rhythmically. Begin to focus your minds-eye towards happiness. See yourself happy. That can take any form you like. Use your imagination to see yourself happy. What is something YOU love to do? What makes you the most comfortable. It could be from childhood or adulthood: no right or wrong way, just a happy place.
Placing your mind there now begins to allow that emotion to fill your body. Feel it from the balls of your feet to the crown of your head. Feel happiness; fill your body. Allow yourself to be in this bliss. Stay as-long-as you like.
As you begin to come out of your meditation, slowly allow your body to unwind, let go of any thought and be in the moment. Open your eyes and smile.
Begin this process tonight! What you will learn in this book is we act now, not tomorrow! Procrastination is not in our vocabulary anymore. Begin today, please, and thank you.
If you want to make it through times when you will hit the Marathon wall, and it’s like you just got hit by a Mack truck, you must train to overcome what we will have to face as you begin this process.
You will have challenges to be sure. Don’t worry; our emotional training starts here. You will find the strength. So exciting.
Years and years of Garbage is overflowing your mind. This book is a garbage truck.
The “I can’t” do this or that. Who says? 99% of the time you. How do you know if you’re not even willing to try? Saying this to yourself, I can’t is conditioned into your mind so profoundly that you believe whatever your head is telling you. Hard to imagine that we can lie to ourselves unknowingly. It’s packaged to a negative response you accept.
We’ve all heard the story of breaking the four-minute mile. Once achieved, then many athletes now can claim they can run four-minute miles.
“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”—Nelson Mandela
Twenty years ago, if you would have asked anyone in my family, do you think Robert will write books years from now. They would have laughed until they peed their pants. Not even my friends would have believed this to be true.
Fear is also going to hold you back. We all fear failure. The difference between success and failure is people stop because they get scared. “I have a family I can’t risk failure!” Ask yourself if you have enough money to stand a year-long layoff (heaven forbid) if tomorrow your company said we’re cutting back?
We’re all a paycheck away from disaster most of our lives. So, don’t use this as an excuse.
What if I could show you a way to conquer fear enough to allow you to formulate a plan to save your life, strengthen your family, and will enable you to walk with peace-of-mind. Be great, wouldn’t it?
Okay, follow along.
Everything you’ve learned in life plays it safe; I am going to teach you how to play it smart.
Stop buying the sack of manure you sell yourself every day that you can’t. Get the I’m shy; I’m weak, I’m feeble, get that the hell out of your vocabulary.
Every time you say I can’t, take a rubber band and pop the crap out of your arm. However, take a moment to say that it was the old me, the NEW ME CAN! I can be happy; I can be in shape, I can learn more, I can have a happy marriage, I can have great kids, I can, I can, I can!
If you screw up guess what you’re not alone. Acknowledge, you had a time of weakness but your back. Guess what you can make a mistake and get right back on track. Right now, I want you to stop and run a mile as fast as you can no walking. Could you do it! Probably not is my guess. Could you if you trained for a month or so? Sure.
You’re not going to overcome this the first time. You’re not going to change without practice. Set in your phone reminders that buzz, ding, ring, whatever. Tell yourself to smile, or be strong, put an affirmation as a reminder.
Put all the good in your noodle today that you can plunge into your brain. Guess what we do this over and over. Day after day!
Shy people hello. Man are we going to need to get outside our comfort zone. Fear not time to train. How can we overcome fear?
“People who ask confidently get more than those who are hesitant and uncertain. When you’ve figured out what you want to ask for, do it with certainty, boldness, and confidence. Don’t be shy or feel intimidated by the experience. You may face some unexpected criticism but be prepared for it with confidence.”—Jack Canfield
Here are some fun ideas:
Find social meetups. Places that you can go to a book club, movie review club anywhere that you must socially interact with friendly people. Nice folks won’t eat you I promise.
The best way to get outside yourself is to help someone in need. It can even be an animal shelter. Put yourself in situations where you can gain strength. Social interaction helping someone is a blessing beyond words. Single parents take your kids.
Go to Yoga, meditation classes; take a cooking class.
Finding ways to strengthen our life resolve is just a matter of getting off our butt and doing it. I wish I could say something or give you a pill. My friends, we must work to achieve. Good news, it’s not hard, most of these costs no money.
Through your meditation practice, when you visualize yourself, see yourself healthy, assertive, and happy. Show your subconscious what you want it will manifest for you. Take this to prayer, let God know you no longer say I can’t, or I don’t have.
God will supply abundance in all areas of your life. Keep in mind this is not about starting a business, jobs, or material things. Yes, it’s a part of if you want it to be. This book is teaching you how to have an all-encompassing life. Mind, Body, Soul.
When you find yourself in a difficult situation, go to God in prayer, let him know that you need help, what I do when times in my head get dark. I say, “God has me” over and over. Eventually, I get calm.
In times of stress, let God know you’re not losing anymore. Power your way through. Even if you see no hope at all, hold onto hope with blind faith. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Talking later in the book, we will do an entire chapter on Resources vs. Resourcefulness. When you can master how to be resourceful the I can’t, and I don’t will go straight out the window. Also, strengthen your ability to fend off fear.
Fear manifests when you don’t have a solution. Then your mind starts to say “oh boy we’re going to crash” and away your head goes, and down you go. Think about being able to on command say “I have an app for that” metaphorically speaking.
You can know in your heart that today; an answer does not exist. Give me some time to sort this out and away you go. Having that knowledge to, in a sense, trick your mind into saying “we got this” will give you the inner strength to overcome any obstacle.
If I asked you to make a choice right now to be happy, but you’re suffering through a terrible divorce. Could you be satisfied just by making that choice? The short answer is yes! Before you hit the refund, button hears me out.
What stops you from choosing to be happy in a moment is you. I should say years of conditioning yourself that you can’t just simply change. Why can’t you? Should be the real question.
Let’s take our divorce scenario to a little higher level. If divorce is imminent even though you don’t want a divorce.
Stay bitter, sad, emotionally done, not having any thought as to a new future.
“Choose” to be happy. Yes, the person whom your life revolved around is gone. The Universe, in its infinite wisdom, is taking you down a new path. Presuppose for a moment that this new life if given a chance, has more love, joy, happiness, and fulfillment than you ever thought possible.
If you choose to be happy, “Option B” certainly has more promise. The simple act of choosing one from another is incredibly powerful.
Over a year ago someone that I am proud to call a friend explained away my own pain from divorce like this: “If you could have your wife back today and go right back to the way things were, OR, you could have the relationship you never thought possible. Which would you choose?”
That’s when I knew that I had to make a choice for myself. If something in your life is meant to be, then it shall.
The real rub is that for years-and-years, we conditioned our minds towards limiting beliefs. We end up saying:
If I just change, she will come back.
If I learn to keep my mouth shut.
If I lose twenty pounds.
The problem is NOT you, it’s the paradigm that is so entrenched in your head you can’t shake it off. Using the divorce analogy just scrapes the surface of this problem. This book is not a “how to get over divorce” book. NO, far from it.
How to change limiting beliefs, the unknowing lies we tell ourselves every day. What our journey well reveals to us, we can make a choice and move on, NOW!
Choice do you really want me to pick?
Yes, friends easier said than done. However, very doable. With some guided practice, you can learn to decide, stick with it, no regrets, and blaze a trail for others to follow. Pardon the cliché!
How do you we make these changes you ask? Training our minds to a new healthy reality. Who says you can’t do something; you need only look in the mirror? That’s who!
How many years have you heard phrases like?
You/I don’t have that kind of luck.
No education, you can’t do that.
You’re too fat.
You’re too skinny.
You’re not part of that social group.
Oh, honey, why don’t you lower your sights to something more realistic.
From as many years ago as you’re able to remember we’ve all heard the limiting phrases getting stuffed into our mind.
What is being communicated to you is, “If I can’t do you surely cannot.” By well-meaning parents, family, friends, and other well-wishers. So, if these lovely people are telling me this, it must be true. NO, not only NO; HELL NO!
The only person on this planet that knows whether YOU can do anything is YOU! It does not matter what your Mom, Dad, Grandmother, Friend, Boss, has to say about what you can do. The ONLY person that knows is your period!
People close to you will naturally want you to play it safe. None of us want to see a friend hurt. Who the heck says you must hurt? I’m not shouting at the top of my lungs “oh God, don’t write the first Novel you failed English literature.”
Again, I go back to the systematic brainwashing society shoves down our brain. How many folks have completed Marathons in wheelchairs or with lost limbs? Hundreds if not thousands. Why Choice! The choice NOT to allow something horrific to bring them down.
Mediocrity is a disease of the mind. It’s a cure; “Choice!”
How to break free, so Choice comes at will.
Meditation / Prayer: see yourself through this practice as free of limitation. That my life, my choice to see it through as a vessel of the Universe. Not some, “I don’t have this or that mentality.”
Put the affirmation “Choice” Refrigerator, bathroom mirror, reminders on your phone daily.
Learn to believe in yourself. Take the training wheels off your life. When you feel you can’t do something learn to ask yourself; who said! With enough training and knowledge, you can bloody well do anything you want!
Practice, Practice, Practice! Do not give up or in at the first sign of difficulty. This is something you must want as much as air. We’ve all heard the businessman who asked a guru “how do I become successful,” the Guru replied, “meet me at the beach at 6:00 AM and don’t be late.” The next morning the businessman is on time, and the Guru takes him out into the water up to there chest. The Guru grabs the man and holds his head down in the water until the man was in great distress. Lifting the man out of the water, the businessman screams, “Why did you do that?” The Guru calmly replies, “When you want success as-bad-as, you wanted to breathe, then you will find success!”
Gain knowledge. The reason people quit is insufficient knowledge. If people aren’t saying to you, “Wow, I have no idea you could do that.” If the wow factor is not WOW, then gain more knowledge. Become a voracious reader.
Nothing on God’s good earth prevents you from achieving anything. If you set your mind to something, trust that God will give you the knowledge, and move the Universe into alignment for you. Believe that as much as you want to breathe (like our Guru analogy).
All it takes is a choice. Your choice to stay status quo or your choice to live a life most would only dream about.
“Infuse your life with action. Don’t wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Make your own future. Make your own hope. Make your own love. And whatever your beliefs, honor your creator, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what you can to make grace happen… yourself, right now, right down here on Earth.”–Bradley Whitford
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”
This quote has been attributed to Sigmund Freud, William Gibson, and a host of others. I found it both straight to the point and funny. Whoever can take credit for it!
We all learn to keep certain people at arm’s length, or we allow them into our experience. Taking care to protect our emotions.
Learn to not allow toxic people to steal your joy. If needed, these folks may need to exit your life if you deal with issues concerning them. You don’t have to allow that, ever!
Sometimes we have to move on from relationships to make room for the new. Changing seasons in our life will bring new friends, mentors, and essential people that God sees fit to move into our life experience. Be open!
Embrace those that lift you up, challenge your status quo. Lots of people are searching for the same quality of life you are. I find great people at Church that follow a path of happiness.
Find people that bring joy to your life. Don’t let anyone steal your happiness!
“It doesn’t matter how you pray. Just pray. All religions are beautiful, and they all have one common belief. There’s something bigger and greater than us that can give us and take from us life. It is better than the here and now.”–Mattie Stepanek
Prayer often times all we have in our darkest moments. My belief when we have nothing but prayer to hang onto. This is God giving us his private number to call.
At this moment, don’t beg for what you need, don’t need something for you. What you need is God’s favor upon your life. We must learn gratitude in the face of total ruin. If you learn from the quote, take a moment to learn about Mattie Stepanek.
This little boy died in 2004, but before this amazing lads final day, he left the world a much better place than he found it.
From Mattie’s website:
Mattie J.T. Stepanek, a well-respected poet, and award-winning peace activist lived a life that was brief in length but powerfully blessed with depth. Born on July 17, 1990, Mattie began creating and sharing Heartsongs at the young age of 3. He explained that Heartsongs are “gifts that reflect each person’s unique reason for being.”
Mattie ultimately published six collections of his Heartsongs poetry books and one collection of Just Peace essays and e-mail correspondence with Former President Jimmy Carter. All seven of Mattie’s books became New York Times Bestsellers and touched millions of lives around the world.
My point to all this is. No matter what life throws at you, and for this beautiful child, it was a lot. You can choose life, or you can roll up and die. No matter the circumstance in our own lives, we can go to God in prayer.
God knows what you need, so just tell him to thank you for bringing it to you. Be grateful. Yes, I can hear many of you saying this child Mattie died where God was in that? Beyond our comprehension, it was Mattie’s destiny (hugely painful loss) to go home. We will never understand the reason but will need to accept that while he was here, he touched many souls. His gifts live on in his books.
This child if anything taught us that no matter what this life throws at you; choose to live or want to die. It is a choice. This precious child decided to live.
Our stewardship of his legacy is that we follow our hearts in prayer just as Mattie spoke. As he said, “Just Pray!”
Just as Mattie died from a disease, we will never comprehend. You too may be suffering through something in your life beyond comprehension. Makes no sense and seems terribly unfair. On some level, it might be. The choice is ours how we choose to live. When we go to God in prayer, life will open up in ways, none of us expected. In a good idea!
Life can throw at us losses we will never comprehend. It’s our obligation to that loss, to live. It might hurt from time-to-time but live we must!
If you’re in pain, I pray that God gives you the wisdom, strength, and hope to see your way clear of the rocky shoals ahead. Once you clear them, you a free to navigate the seas open up for the next adventure.