Business, family

Family, I’m too Busy with Work

It’s your paycheck that pays for the care of your family. If you didn’t work the hours that you do, weekend and so on, life just wouldn’t be possible. You work hard to provide for your family entirely admirable. For years I thought the same thing.

If you’re so busy, you have no time for your family what the hell kind of life is that? It’s not a life because someday when your son or daughter is grown up you will be regretting the time lost. You can cloud this up all you want but the day will come. So let’s figure out how to manage work and life balance.

family, business, work

The first big hurdle to cross is the boss that says “sure you can go watch your kids’ ball game just pack this box with all your shit.” I actually have had several bosses who played that card. This I will admit is a tight position to find yourself in.

An even tougher thought to ponder is to say you do succeed, but you’ve missed every first thing, birthdays, and life events with your children. How do you ever get that back? You don’t! A very perplexing situation to find oneself.

We all want to get ahead in life, we want to give our family more than what we had. The problem is the cost. What are we willing to pay. From experience, I paid a lot. More than I should have because I missed a great many things. My son ounce sent me a picture of a child chasing a Dad, the bottom photo was the Dad chasing the child. Sad!

One damn sure thing you can never do; buy your child’s happiness or love. What you can provide is you! So how to find the balance?

Begin by making sure you make time every day if possible that you leave your phone, emails, and laptops. Allow yourself to be totally present in a moment with your child. Don’t answer the phone and say Daddy or Mommy has to take this. Don’t dismiss your child as you would a co-worker.

Finding balance requires you to be completely present at the moment. You want to sell yourself that a client can’t wait an hour to hear from you (I get time-sensitive jobs, but you need to find a time when the market is closed, see my point). Spending uninterrupted time with your children, time with them while you are on the phone is NO GOOD! Block out time that is the children’s time!

Some will say this is a nieve look at job vs. family. That it’s your job that pays for your families life. If you asked one adult child, who’s parents gave them an incredible home, everything they could ever want. If you asked that child what if anything could you change, all would tell you more time with the parent that was absent. You can’t buy a family or love.

Make real-time for kids to experience what you have to offer. Maybe you can’t be there all the time, but be present in the moment. Don’t miss firsts or birthdays! You can never get them back; I don’t care how many birthday ponies you give. Turn off phones and be with your kids! You won’t regret you did, ever!

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Business, spiritual

Work, Work, Work

Knowing today what I do with respect to my career, wow is their so many changes I would have made well before now. This article I hope speaks to young men and women early on in their careers. Working twelve, fourteen or longer hour days. Work, work, work, work, work!

 Jerk bosses will tell you to put in the hours to get ahead, while their ass is at home with family. Or out having a life. Sure, does have to be paid but don’t get lost in a Myer of work = money = life. What good is money if you don’t have a life? The million-dollar question: Life-Work – Balance.

Background for me early on. Working in automotive retail eight AM to nine + PM six days per week. Don’t even think about a day off or vacation. My sons first basketball game I was literally thrown a box on my desk told to pack my shit and go to the game. Or get my ass back to work! What do you do? Retail is a brutal industry, that is very unforgiving.

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The incident I had with a boss with my sons first game was just the tip of the iceberg throughout my automotive career that has spanned thirty-five years. I lost a lot of firsts, family milestones, a life, and burned through a couple of marriages quickly. Damaged my relationship with my kids and the list goes on.

It was only too easy to fall into the trap of work, work, work. My argument with my family is “if I don’t work you don’t have a life.” Looking back how shortsighted that statement really is. What a stupid move. Sure, every man does what he has to in order to provide for his family. Looking back my family was more interested in having me than the money. My dumb ass chose the money.

One thing I have come to learn in my life is you have choices even when you think you don’t. What I mean by this. Don’t forget to have a life while you’re providing for your life. Easier said than done, pardon all the cliches in this paragraph.

Here is my challenge to leaders in organizations. Let’s say that I am a member of your management team. I want to go see my kid play whatever. If you’re the ass hole that says no. My question would be your such a shitty manager that one person off your floor is going to destroy your day. What you’re telling me if I was the owner of this business. If we let one person off for a few hours, my business is going to stop?

The person asking off has such an impact on my business that he can’t be gone for a few hours? This is what you’re telling me? We’re going to screw up the head of one of our best players who must tell his child he can’t do this or that because he has to be at work. As a leader, you should have depth in your bench to move players around, so my business does not suffer. What do we do on sick days? Shut down because XYZ employee is not at work???

Companies are running sales teams, for example; if you can’t be short a guy or two and still not run at peak performance, I am going to look at my leaders and say you may not be the right fit. My teams can operate fully staffed or short-handed period.

Not allowing an employee a few hours now and again to enjoy family events that if allowed will bring back to me a better person. Parents who are proud not stressed about not being there. How much more am I going to get out of someone who is happy than sad? If you can’t figure that out, you’re too stupid to work for me. Business can be hard, let’s not make it harder because of short-sightedness.

Most of this must be a leadership change. A culture change that hardliners are going to buck. Leaders must be able to move players around, fill holes, adapt. This is what makes a great coach; he does not focus 100% of his attention on his starters, he has a bench so he can adapt to change at the speed of business.

This has been what leaders should do. What can you do if the corporate culture you work in is unforgiving? If you find yourself in a job that it’s a brick wall when it comes to time off for life events.

Here are some not most ideal way but a way:

 

  • Take a vacation day. You don’t necessarily have to say why just ask for a vacation day in advance of your family event.
  • See if you can get someone to cover your shift. Another parent is always a good person to ask. Trade shifts with a coworker.

If the business you work in is simply inflexible, it may be time to consider a different company. Jobs come and go but time with your family cannot be replaced. Believe me; I pay the price for that every day. Do over; I would have taken a different path.

It’s nauseating to me when I hear so-called Guru’s say you must pay an ultimate price for success. That the only path to success is at the expense of your life. If you’re chasing that Unicorn, it takes years to achieve real success and wealth. Just as you plan your career path, you need to do the exact same for your family and children.

 

  • Birthdays you can’t get back.
  • First Recital you can’t get back.
  • First Football game you can’t get
  • The first day at school you can’t get back.

Don’t fall into the trap of justification. You cannot justify to a child why you missed so much of their lives; they simply don’t care about your excuse. What they want is you not an excuse. After thirty-six years in business, I can tell you NOTHING was ever worth missing my family milestones. Don’t pay the same price, so many of us pay every day.

Jobs are a touchy thing for obvious reasons. Your life is also important. Think about this are you living to work or working to live? With proper time management and a little creativity with coworkers, you can find a work life, home life, balance!

At the time I wrote this I was fifty-six years old. The biggest regret I have is not taking time for my life and putting work before everything else. All the times that I stayed at work when I should have been living my life. I’m in NO way better off because I did, quite the reverse. Don’t think that money will make up for lost time it does not. Don’t think your kids are better off because you have money, ask them and I can promise you they want YOU not your money.

Don’t get me wrong we all need a job to take care of our families. Just don’t lose your family trying to take care of your family.

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spiritual

Get Ready for a Spiritual Title Fight

When your feet hit the floor in the morning, let the Devil say, “Oh Shit He’s up!”

Our minds can exhaust us to the point we feel like we’ve been in a heavyweight title fight. Pardon the cliché, but you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. What I want to prepare you for is the title fight that is coming. The enemy will see a change in you for good. All the sudden you went from being depressed to having hope.

Jesus paid for your sins on the cross. I am not going to pretend to be a theologian and quote scripture. What I did do is start attending a great Bible-based church. Began to study the word of God. You have protection from the enemy; you can yourself cast him out of your head (No you’re not Reagan McNeil from the Exorcist). God supplies all the tools you need. You must show up for work.

 Part of your job will be to follow the path I am laying down. Find an excellent Bible-based Church. Not hard to find and you may need to attend a couple before you see one that you feel is home. You will need the tools, and foundation for Christ to win the fight to come.

The enemy will come at you hard. WHY, because he is afraid to lose you to the right side. He wants your soul; he wants you to fail! You have free will so that it will become a choice. I would cry so hard thinking God seems pissed at me for all the things I have done in my life. Losing hope that God wanted anything to do with me. NOT TRUE! Learning from the study, Church and the Bible God loves me. It is the enemy that has the hold on us, not God. Rest easy dear friends. It is good and evil in this world it took me a while to understand.

prayer,pray,family

Sharing this first thing will sound a bit scary. You will have a better understanding that the difficulties to come are manageable with the right tools. God says, “No weapon formed against me will prosper.” Remember you have all the promises the Bible says we have. You must start believing with unwavering faith. God wants you to think about it before you receive it. Try it; this is where I stumbled hard.

Friends would tell me that God will never give you more than you can handle. I hated hearing that. The problem is it’s true. You can’t fight for the heavyweight championship of the world without getting knocked on your backside a few times. You will find the strength just as I did. Even from the darkest depths of your mind, a path to peace is available for anyone who seeks order.

Women readers who are moms can relate to this. Labor pains are excruciating, but the result is the greatest joy of your life. Once you go through labor and deliver yourself from hell, you’ve created in your head. The sooner the greatest joy in your life will be at hand.

Remembering always that the enemy will fill your mind with doubt, fear, this will never work. What happens is when you believe you’ll quit. Then the enemy wins. The only loser in this fight is you. It may seem as though God is not listening to you. He is, I thought this so many times. I would scream at God in my vehicle “get in the game” why are you forsaking me. He is not; the devil is treacherous in your mind.

 You will learn to live with your soul, not your head. The mind will never win over your destiny. What you can control is how quickly you see your future reveal itself. Frustration, hate, anger, despair, will only cause you to delay your life moving forward. You must begin to see yourself happy, joyous and free of pain. Don’t scream “I can’t do it.” If you do, you’re right. None of this is easy to hear; I get that!

What I am telling you is if you get knocked down get up. Tell yourself NOT THIS TIME; I get to win this time. Get that loser mentality out of your head. It won’t come all at once. You must recondition your mind for good. If you have suffered for a long-time change won’t happen overnight.

The mind will fight you to the point of utter exhaustion. During a marathon where you will hit the wall many times. Just like marathon runners, you convince yourself that it’s a mind trick it’s not your reality. Reality is you already have, peace, love, and happiness. We as Christians must learn to accept it. You think acceptance would be easy, for most it’s not. Stay in faith even when you don’t seem to have faith in anything. Tell God you don’t see a way, but you trust he will make a move!

One of the most important things I can tell you. Don’t help God, don’t impose your will on a situation that needs Gods hand not yours. For example, separated from your spouse. It’s a situation that you did not want, hit you out of the blue and you’re heartbroken. You call your spouse saying I promise I will change; I love you, please let’s work it out. That’s imposing your will. It’s not you are helping even though you think you’re fighting for your marriage. STOP!

If you want to trust God for a change in your life follow along in this book, I share what mistakes I made so you can have greater insight. You need to believe that God is handling the heart of both you and your spouse. You are jumping in does not help. Trust that if you give your marriage to God, asking him for his will be done. Someone asked me two questions:

  1. Do you want a perfect, loving, happy marriage?
  2. Do you want your spouse back with no change?

Relationships meant to be will be. Maybe, God is moving this person out of your life to make room for your deep down in your soul dream come true person to appear. When we let our destiny unfold naturally what a blessed life we will have.

It’s not always easy to see clearly during times of adversity. Remember we’re in a title fight for our life. The enemy will put horrible, terrible things in our head or before us. We can get betrayed; our life shattered into pieces.

How you get up and tell the enemy “that’s all you got” I have the power of God almighty who controls my life. A quote I love, “when your feet hit the floor in the morning, the Devil says oh shit he’s up. “Anything beats living a life of misery. It’s where I am at, and I pray you are too. Now is our time and “I ain’t going down no more”—Rocky Balboa

The fight will come hard, but if you keep reading, you will find the help you need to get up and fight even harder. The tools you will learn will make those fights fewer. Your spiritual armor will see you through.

self help, advice

Stay strong because God is getting ready to show out in your life in ways you could never have imagined. Your blessings are on the other side of this battle; what was meant for your harm God will bless your life in ways that only he can.

The stronger the attack, the bigger the blessing. Crazy, but when you get kicked right in the gut hard. When you walk trusting God you know, he is getting you ready to show out in your life! The pain you may encounter along the way in strengthening your resolve. Helping you be able to face anything the enemy throws in your approach to disrupt your life.

Everything I am writing about I have experienced. So, if you’re saying what does this guy know about my pain, he won’t understand what I’m going through in my life. It’s because I’ve lived it same as you.  I choose not to lose any more! Hope you come along!

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family, spiritual

New Day Faith is Key

With the changing season of my life, wow is life opening up. As you know from reading my blog, I have made a very clear choice to try something new in my life. To stand in spiritual faith walk with my soul and not my head that will direct my life. Keep my “will” out and trusting in faith. Of course, I do work to move my life.

Trusting in faith is not laying on your backside eating a pizza waiting for the pilot of your Jet to call and say “hey where are we going boss today?” We still have to get up, work, do things to fill our minds and body with good energy. Focus daily on walking our path with God. So far that has worked out in ways I never imagined.

Sure it hurts the reasons that got me here are painful. I mourn the loss of what I had hoped would be a lifetime. It most days makes no sense to me as to why we can’t make the wrong in our life right. Working from the premise that all things happen for a reason. Then letting go to allow destiny to unfold has been a challenge. This time I am resolute in not losing. God has a purpose for my life, so let’s see what that is.

I wish I could say that God sits at the end of my couch with me and says “Bob this will be your destiny” as he explains it all to me. Sorry, but it doesn’t work that way.

hope, faith, God

The challenge for me has been not to make things happen but allow things to happen. As a salesperson all my life it’s hard not to jump in and sell God this is what is needed right now. Having the ability to discern between my will and God’s will sometimes take a bit of time. Asking myself is this really what God wants me to do? Where patience comes in, and an open heart must be available to receive. The big challenge for me!

What I have done to step up to that challenge is be resolved this time I am not going to lose. That my way got me here, so maybe trying God’s way will change my life forever. That all the promises in the Bible I choose to receive. I’m not a big organized religion person, but I do believe in God. Over the last few years I got away from my spiritual journey, go WAY off the path. Today my feet are firmly planted on the trail.

Decide that it’s a new day. Life will begin to relax for you. Months ago I had a mountain of debt, tax troubles, and seemingly no real way out. Since my decision that I need help, spiritual help, which God needs to pretty much pull the wagon. To his glory, all the financial problems that seemed insurmountable are in fact manageable. Through God’s grace, my credit is fine, all bills paid on time deals made to lighten the burden done.

All I did was work as I should every day. Releasing all of it to God. Told God that this was too big for me to do on my own and asked for help. Help arrived at God’s timing teaching me that the world was not blowing up, that my problems are not the most pressing issues on the planet. When it was time, everything was paid or delayed enough to allow me time to overcome obstacles to my advantage.

Stress over all the problems I just let go to God. Surrender is the hardest part. Our heads tell us to get in the game fix the problems. Our head is what got us here in the first place. Do the work, tell God what you need so you can feel better. Never beg! “Please, please God help me pay my rent.” No, be grateful that he already has. Call it in as though it were already don’t. Grateful!!!

It would be nice to tell you it’s not a struggle to change. It is, and you will go through some real pain, doubt, and frustration. Well before you find real peace. Don’t despair we all did and got through. Many days I have self-doubt and struggle. The times I do feel at peace or do receive a blessing it’s far more than I imagined it would be. Sometimes, God truly shows out in your life! Those are the times when you feel connected spiritually.

Whatever you do never quit, pursue faith with all your soul can muster. The pain is the enemy trying to keep you down. It is not God testing you, it’s the enemy wanting you to be miserable. Do not let anyone sway your journey of faith it’s worth every moment of your time.

Breaking through the tough moments in faith, God finds ways to open up possibilities that you never dream possible. I am living proof!

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family, spiritual

Lesson Learned

This past week I put myself through a little heartbreak. You ever feel when you want something so much you might be willing to try just about anything. Well, at least what is in reason, I didn’t go that far over the side.

Suffice to say what I thought was something amazing turned out to be garbage. Someone is praying on others. It’s sad to know people are out their that can do such things. Live and learn.

The upside to this is awareness and the fact that I did reach out in prayer asking for guidance. During this ordeal, I kept asking God for guidance so that I would not make a mistake. That part felt good. I know I am ambiguous about what it is, let’s say the what is not as important as the lesson learned.

Those of you that read my work on a regular basis know that my stories are the result of my walk in faith. My stories based on the application of faith and the result.

One area that I do think I did not pay as close of attention to is trusting God to provide. Letting what I want coming in God’s good time not my own. Recognizing this did show me that my decision, my will, getting in the middle of things has the potential for bad results.

relationship, faith, Jesus
Stay in Faith

Good news is that I don’t feel bad, I feel educated. Lessons can take many forms, so don’t beat yourself up. We can take the wrong path by choice or disguised as a good choice. Recognizing it then saying “thank God I caught this not before it gets any further.” Having the experience may stink, but recognizing it for what it was is the real lesson.

For me, if I walk in faith knowing that God will provide for me works out beyond my wildest dreams. Some of the life challenges I face are easier to deal with and get resolved. As long as I stay in faith, it will. Believe with faith, even when you have no reason to have an ounce of faith, I promise you it gets better.

My joy in life today comes from the fact that I can live in peace with myself. I have a higher power than myself helping to guide my life and decisions. In that are happiness and peace. Stay in faith no matter what is in front of you. Realize that the enemy wants you to stay down. Therefore, you will be hit, hit hard with doubt. Never lose sight of the result, that path may take a four-wheel drive tank to get down with many challenges. God kept me from harm before any real harm could occur. For that, I am grateful!

As always I would love to hear from you: