Life Change to Bring Full Circle, Get outside yourself!

“No matter what has happened to you in the past or what is going on in your life right now, it has no power to keep you from having an amazingly good future if you will walk by faith in God. God loves you! He wants you to live with victory over sin so you can possess His promises for your life today!”–Joyce Meyer

Bringing our change full-circle requires us to get outside ourselves. I can hear you screaming. I am trying to change me! Ask yourself a question. If you’re in a relationship and everything is always about you how long will that last?

Well, short answer not too long. Also how fair would that be? Not fair at all.

If like our quote says no matter what we’ve done, where we are God loves us. If we want to bring this full circle, the changes we’re making to bring happiness. We have to learn to give something of ourselves. You cannot always be me, me, me!

having a heart

Here are some ideas to quickly get outside yourself:

  1. Give a smile. A genuine smile to someone today. It’s free.
  2. If you’re standing in line at a coffee shop, buy the person behind you a coffee. Make a new friend.
  3. Grocery store, leave $5 or $10 with the cashier towards the person behind you to help pay the next person in line part of their grocery bill.
  4. If you know someone is having a hard time financially give them a gift card from a grocery store. Put some gas in their car. Let them know it’s not about the money, it’s that you want to help. Someday, they may help you back.
  5. If you know someone that is heading out for a job interview, pay for a new haircut, offer to take a woman to the nail salon, take interview clothes to dry cleaners and pay, give them a ride, pay the bus fare, see you can find tons of ways to show someone you care.
  6. Volunteer. Church, hospital, Goodwill, Community Center.
  7. Visit someone in a nursing facility. Plenty of retirees who sit lonely in nursing homes with no visitors.
  8. Go to the hospital, visit the chapel and pray for the patients and family. If there is power in prayer, you can give that! If possible pray with someone in the chapel.
  9. Pick up a pound of trash. Trust me you can find a pound of waste. One garbage bag of trash off the street, may not seem like much. A step is always a step, size does not matter. A pound of waste!
  10. Plant a tree. Check with your community to see where you can plant a tree. My thought, if you can plant a fruit tree where you know folks can benefit. Maybe a piece of fruit of a tree you planted kept someone from going hungry that day.

You can always pray to God to help you. Continue to work on you to change for the better. Before you can break through you will have to learn to look back not to view your past but to grab the hand of someone that needs help.

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Don’t Let Anyone Steal Your Joy

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”

This quote has been attributed to Sigmund Freud, William Gibson and a host of others. I found it both straight to the point and funny. Whoever can take credit for it!

We all learn to keep certain people at arm’s length, or we allow them into our experience. Taking care to protect our emotions.

Learn to not allow toxic people to steal your joy. If needed these folks may need to exit your life if you deal with issues concerning them. You don’t have to allow that, ever!

self help, confidence, friends

Sometimes we have to move on from relationships to make room for the new. Changing seasons in our life will bring new friends, mentors and essential people that God sees fit to move into our life experience. Be open!

Embrace those that lift you up, challenge your status quo. Lots of people are searching for the same quality of life you are. I find great people at Church that follow a path of happiness.

meditation, yoga, peace

Find people that bring joy to your life. Don’t let anyone steal your joy!

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Toxic Relationship Stops NOW

“Your past does NOT define your future.” This will become very clear as the story moves forward. Are you ready for change? If so then welcome.

It doesn’t matter whether you male or female. Either side can be on the receiving end of a toxic relationship. The article is written to both genders.

When you dwell into the past then thoughts of “I’m not worthy” “I’m worthless” will stop you in your tracks. It’s time to get our thinking into a healthy mindset; it’s time to smile again.

stress, spouse, self help

We really do this when it comes to letting go of relationships. Looking in that rearview mirror for clues. Answers that may never happen. It’s difficult to let go of relationships when we don’t understand fully why they ended or must end because it’s toxic.

Sometimes we’re in toxic relationships that it’s necessary for us to move on for our own sanity. Sadly, in this type of relationship, we get ourselves beaten down to the point that toxic behavior is allowed and accepted from ourselves. For some, the connection itself means more than our own serenity.

Allowing ones’ self to fall prey to this type of relationship is far more comfortable than what you might think. We convince ourselves that this person will change, or something about ourselves we can change that will make our toxic partner love us.

First thing don’t believe you have no options. For example, a housewife with young children no family close and the list goes on. So, acceptance becomes easier than facing the pain. This life is not your portrayal of a doormat. “Woo-Hoo I landed the part of a lifetime Doormat!” Not only NO but heck NO!

What now seems like a no-way-out scenario. Is temporary if you make it so.

This story will help:

Let’s pretend for a moment that the relationship of our dreams is at the top of a vast mountain we must climb to the summit to live happily-ever-after. Stay with me I know it sounds cheesy.

Our emotions are so heavy for the beautiful relationship we have to carry them in a backpack. So we load love, passion, desire, tranquility, and fulfillment into our pack. This is a lot of heavy emotions we’re carrying up the hill. The good news, for now, is that it all fits and we can carry it. The summit does not seem so far away.

Now comes our partner who has a few things we need to carry for them. These toxic emotions are incredibly dense.

What could be so much?

  • Control
  • Jealousy
  • Anger
  • Narcissistic behavior
  • Abuse both physical and mental (If physical violence is a part of your life, reach out for professional help, contact your local law enforcement. Protection and assistance are a phone call away)

So as the relationship begins “your hike up the hill” the emotions mentioned above get stuffed in your backpack. Not all at once mind you but slowly as you ascend to the summit. With each step, the pack becomes more burdensome, and your ability to combat these new emotions diminishes due to mental fatigue.

Until finally you just fall from exhaustion from the toxic emotional weight of the pack.

This becomes a dark place where we just see no light. The trail becomes so obscure we’re not able to see any hope (light at the end of the path to guide us). If you’re in this place, breathe! We’re getting ready to turn on the light to guide your way. Hope exists.

So what happens now? The answer is the flashlight that is in the bottom of your backpack that is now stuffed so tightly you cannot reach inside to get it. You’re going to have to unload the pack enough to get to the light. The flashlight holds the key to lighting your way.

Here are some simple steps bringing light to start now:

  1. Take a moment and breathe, yes breathe. Find a place that you can take a couple of minutes to just breathe. Take a couple of deep cleansing breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. Then just breathe for at least one minute. Relax your body. Relaxed clear mind! 
  2. Start walking every day. Do this for a couple of reasons. One you need strength, two you have an opportunity to clear your
  3. Learning to make your mind, relax your body. Power comes from within when you can harness that strength, see yourself while meditating towards that which you truly desire.
  4. Accept that YOU are allowed to be happy. Allowed to have the life you want. Your current situation is not a sentence.
  5. Educate yourself with suitable material. Apply what you learn to gain strength and enlightenment. Make an investment in your own happiness.

Would you like to know what the good news is? Five new negative emotions were added to your backpack. You now have five steps that have helped you remove enough garbage out of your pack so that now the flashlight that guides your way is within reach in your bag.

Grab it!

Now, let’s finish our climb.

With a lighter pack and light to see the trail. You can stand up and finish the journey. Toxic relationships are not anyone’s destiny. Getting out of it may have some pain that must be endured. Our steps outlined help you develop the strength to take the strain.

With your lighter pack and flashlight in hand begin your walk. The summit is now is starting to come clear from the fog that WAS your life. Practice every day these simple steps, and you will be amazed at how quickly your emotional strength will recover.

See yourself at the top of the mountain. Now we need to add a little to what happens when we get to the top of our mountain.

At the top of the mountain, the summit, the pinnacle of your happiness. From this vantage point, you see, happiness, love, joy, and freedom to live the life you dreamt of. With the strength to say what is acceptable and what is NOT acceptable in your life experience.

We all may enjoy a life filled with trials and tribulations, but those trials are not acceptable when induced by someone that professes to love us.

You now have the tools to begin the journey. Remember, you’re not alone, and you are worthy of happiness.

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Helpful Resources:

Pastoral Counseling (reach out to a local Church that offers Pastoral Care)
Marriage Counseling (many centers work on a sliding scale for payment)

We all need a little Help

We all need a Little Help from time-to-time.

“Be true to yourself, help others, make each day your masterpiece, make friendship a fine art, drink deeply from good books – especially the Bible, build a shelter against a rainy day, give thanks for your blessings and pray for guidance every day.”—John Wooden

A sad truth about our mental health system does not only do people fear it as a stigma; most folks cannot afford it. Insurance pays some but I think we all can agree on coverage in most instances falls way short of what someone needs regarding mental health.

The good news is with the information you can find affordable mental health care even if you don’t have medical insurance. A great many mental health clinics work on a sliding scale, many non-profits and MHMR facilities also provide affordable mental health care.

Mental health, hope, happiness

Many Churches and faith-based organizations offer Pastoral Care. For those that are thinking this is a religiously based session, you’re wrong. Although supported by religious organizations, this is about mental health. You can certainly ask for prayer and other spiritual support, but you don’t have to, to receive services.

Local internet searches in your hometown will also yield you great information and resources local to you.

Check with your county hospital; ordinarily, social workers will have a list of local mental health resources that you can utilize.

Internet searches can give you many articles, videos and like information that you can begin to use to start the process (keep in mind nothing replaces a professional doctor or mental health professional).

Affordable care is out there you just have to search for it a bit.

Second Part of this article is more in line with finding ways to just feel a bit better. For example, meditation, yoga, and exercise.

Meditation has been a great source of comfort and indeed focuses my mind. Doing anywhere that you can find privacy is comfortable. It works best for me with headphones and good meditation music. You can find tons of great information and music on YouTube for free.

Just find a time that you can be uninterrupted and alone. My bedroom laying on my be is where I find the best peace. Focus on your breathing get relaxed and vision in your mind’s eye that which you want. Peace, happiness, and joy! See yourself in the right place. Over time you will learn how to block out the negative energy and find a beautiful place in your mind.

Yoga is a beautiful way to get Intune with your body. Bikram Yoga for me is terrific. The room is hot, and you sweat. The warmth really helps relieve tension by relaxing your muscles. It’s a beautiful release, I always feel better after Yoga.

Breathe, yes it sounds too simple but just breathes. Take a couple of minutes per day to just breathe. Take a few deep cleansing breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. Then focus for about a minute to slowly relax and breathe. Focus your attention on your breath.

No matter how bad things are in your life the preceding is easy to do, and it’s two of them are free. Yoga, you may find free Yoga classes at a local community center, many Yoga studios’ offer a free class every now and again.

When you can get outside of yourself for a short time, you will be amazed at how solutions will come to you. When you’re freaking out that all is lost that is the energy you pull in. Stop it by doing these few simple things. They won’t solve your problems, but any step forward is one step closer to happiness.

Hope is out here. No matter how desperate your situation may be, hope is here. Help is not that hard to find sometimes it just takes a bit of searching.

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Gratitude

“It is through gratitude for the present moment that the spiritual dimension of life opens up.” –Eckhart Tolle

Gratitude will be on the top of my list from now on. When you’re thankful for the little things, big things will come. Be grateful for all the blessing in your life, and I am about to tell you why.

  • Your body diagnosed with a terminal disease.
  • What do you have to be grateful for? Someone you love just passed away unexpectedly.
  • What do you have to be thankful for?
  • Everything in your life is fabulous. What do you have to be grateful for?

Tragedy strikes your life hard. Finding anything at that moment to be grateful for my appearance would be difficult. Hurt, anger, and emotion cloud our minds. We even curse God for what has happened. I get it, and it’s okay to be emotional, but we have to find our way back to peace.

family, grateful, gratitude

We all get hit in the gut with tragedy, divorce, job loss; you could make a laundry list of things that steal our peace. The most challenging part of this is to find gratitude. If we make it through something horrible, we can make it through anything. NO, some things are not fair. Life in many situations is not fair. The good news is God sees these things; it does not go unnoticed.

Where folks lose God in these moments is “how could God let my son or daughter get cancer” or some other tragedy befalls your life. If God’s all-powerful and performs these fantastic miracles how could he allow drama in my life?

I wish I had a right answer for why some things happen, and some things don’t. Why there is injustice in the world. Free will answers a lot of questions, but certainly not all. We must accept reality, work to find peace and move on with our life. I’m sorry if you have had a tragedy to befall your life. Over some time, the pain will abate itself.

Some loss we don’t want to know “nothing from nothing” leave me alone you don’t know my pain. Families have endured tragedy through the ages. How many sons have we lost to war? How many children have we failed to cancer or disease? None of it is fair in any sense of the word.

What we must with everything that we have in us is find gratitude. I get it you want to scream when you hear this statement. Some things that you must think about to find an answer. Let’s say you lost someone to death. Do you honestly in your heart believe that person would want you to suffer? I’m in no way negating your pain. You do have to ask yourself though would my loved one want me in extreme pain?

Of course, they would not! If I passed away, I don’t want my family to suffer. Yes, we all need to mourn and time will make the days pass easier. Don’t blame God for a natural occurrence. We all have a time that we’re going to die. It’s never going to come at the right time. Celebrate the time you did have with them.

So, we’ve covered the extreme. It’s the hardest thing in the world to do but finding gratefulness amid anguish won’t be easy. Life will go on even if you don’t think it will. If you can see the smallest of things to be grateful. Offer that to God. I wish I had better words to ease someone’s pain.

Being grateful in good times and bad will always be returned with a beautiful blessing or blessings. Life can kick you right in the gut when you least expect it. Remaining grateful will keep your life moving forward positively.

The flip side of this coin is stopping to be grateful when life is roses. Life could not be better work is excellent, the family is good, and your life is moving quickly. Taking time to stop and let God know you’re grateful for the harvest in your life. More importantly, than can imagine is to stop and thank God.

happy, family, joy, peace

Let God know that without him this beautiful life would not be possible. Stay humble in your praise.

For me during this season of my life. When I began to be grateful for my hardship with family, finance and personal experience. Finding the smallest thing to be thankful for was difficult. Then I’m reminded that my life is not as bad as others. You can lose your health in the blink of an eye, the same thing with your job. It can always be worse.

Taking time daily to thank God here are some ideas to get you started:

 

  • You have a job, may not be the one you want but you have a paycheck!
  • You have a car to get to work that runs!
  • If you have kids and they’re healthy. Imagine parents that just found out their child diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer, only have weeks to live.
  • If you’re living, breathing, and healthy. Imagine the same scenario as a child above, but you.
  • Beautiful day outside.
  • The roof over your head.
  • Food to eat at home. You realize how many folks will go hungry today?
  • If you are a husband or wife, being grateful for your marriage.

If you try hard enough, you can find a lot more than just this short list. Plenty of things to be grateful if you search your heart. Keep in mind that if you can be thankful during the hardest times in your life. The blessings you will receive will indeed be life-changing. It’s been my experience that during one of the most challenging times in my life. Being grateful truly helps me find peace.

Coming from an incredibly dark place in my life where everything was in turmoil. By feeling happy again because I’m grateful for what I do have. Small things, big things it does not matter. What matters is that I feel so glad and the real kicker, most of my problems are still in full swing. With a calm mind, however, I am making real progress to cure my problems. Thank you, God!

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