Toxic Relationship Stops NOW

“Your past does NOT define your future.” This will become very clear as the story moves forward. Are you ready for change? If so then welcome.

It doesn’t matter whether you male or female. Either side can be on the receiving end of a toxic relationship. The article is written to both genders.

When you dwell into the past then thoughts of “I’m not worthy” “I’m worthless” will stop you in your tracks. It’s time to get our thinking into a healthy mindset; it’s time to smile again.

stress, spouse, self help

We really do this when it comes to letting go of relationships. Looking in that rearview mirror for clues. Answers that may never happen. It’s difficult to let go of relationships when we don’t understand fully why they ended or must end because it’s toxic.

Sometimes we’re in toxic relationships that it’s necessary for us to move on for our own sanity. Sadly, in this type of relationship, we get ourselves beaten down to the point that toxic behavior is allowed and accepted from ourselves. For some, the connection itself means more than our own serenity.

Allowing ones’ self to fall prey to this type of relationship is far more comfortable than what you might think. We convince ourselves that this person will change, or something about ourselves we can change that will make our toxic partner love us.

First thing don’t believe you have no options. For example, a housewife with young children no family close and the list goes on. So, acceptance becomes easier than facing the pain. This life is not your portrayal of a doormat. “Woo-Hoo I landed the part of a lifetime Doormat!” Not only NO but heck NO!

What now seems like a no-way-out scenario. Is temporary if you make it so.

This story will help:

Let’s pretend for a moment that the relationship of our dreams is at the top of a vast mountain we must climb to the summit to live happily-ever-after. Stay with me I know it sounds cheesy.

Our emotions are so heavy for the beautiful relationship we have to carry them in a backpack. So we load love, passion, desire, tranquility, and fulfillment into our pack. This is a lot of heavy emotions we’re carrying up the hill. The good news, for now, is that it all fits and we can carry it. The summit does not seem so far away.

Now comes our partner who has a few things we need to carry for them. These toxic emotions are incredibly dense.

What could be so much?

  • Control
  • Jealousy
  • Anger
  • Narcissistic behavior
  • Abuse both physical and mental (If physical violence is a part of your life, reach out for professional help, contact your local law enforcement. Protection and assistance are a phone call away)

So as the relationship begins “your hike up the hill” the emotions mentioned above get stuffed in your backpack. Not all at once mind you but slowly as you ascend to the summit. With each step, the pack becomes more burdensome, and your ability to combat these new emotions diminishes due to mental fatigue.

Until finally you just fall from exhaustion from the toxic emotional weight of the pack.

This becomes a dark place where we just see no light. The trail becomes so obscure we’re not able to see any hope (light at the end of the path to guide us). If you’re in this place, breathe! We’re getting ready to turn on the light to guide your way. Hope exists.

So what happens now? The answer is the flashlight that is in the bottom of your backpack that is now stuffed so tightly you cannot reach inside to get it. You’re going to have to unload the pack enough to get to the light. The flashlight holds the key to lighting your way.

Here are some simple steps bringing light to start now:

  1. Take a moment and breathe, yes breathe. Find a place that you can take a couple of minutes to just breathe. Take a couple of deep cleansing breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. Then just breathe for at least one minute. Relax your body. Relaxed clear mind! 
  2. Start walking every day. Do this for a couple of reasons. One you need strength, two you have an opportunity to clear your
  3. Learning to make your mind, relax your body. Power comes from within when you can harness that strength, see yourself while meditating towards that which you truly desire.
  4. Accept that YOU are allowed to be happy. Allowed to have the life you want. Your current situation is not a sentence.
  5. Educate yourself with suitable material. Apply what you learn to gain strength and enlightenment. Make an investment in your own happiness.

Would you like to know what the good news is? Five new negative emotions were added to your backpack. You now have five steps that have helped you remove enough garbage out of your pack so that now the flashlight that guides your way is within reach in your bag.

Grab it!

Now, let’s finish our climb.

With a lighter pack and light to see the trail. You can stand up and finish the journey. Toxic relationships are not anyone’s destiny. Getting out of it may have some pain that must be endured. Our steps outlined help you develop the strength to take the strain.

With your lighter pack and flashlight in hand begin your walk. The summit is now is starting to come clear from the fog that WAS your life. Practice every day these simple steps, and you will be amazed at how quickly your emotional strength will recover.

See yourself at the top of the mountain. Now we need to add a little to what happens when we get to the top of our mountain.

At the top of the mountain, the summit, the pinnacle of your happiness. From this vantage point, you see, happiness, love, joy, and freedom to live the life you dreamt of. With the strength to say what is acceptable and what is NOT acceptable in your life experience.

We all may enjoy a life filled with trials and tribulations, but those trials are not acceptable when induced by someone that professes to love us.

You now have the tools to begin the journey. Remember, you’re not alone, and you are worthy of happiness.

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Helpful Resources:

Pastoral Counseling (reach out to a local Church that offers Pastoral Care)
Marriage Counseling (many centers work on a sliding scale for payment)

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We all need a little Help

We all need a Little Help from time-to-time.

“Be true to yourself, help others, make each day your masterpiece, make friendship a fine art, drink deeply from good books – especially the Bible, build a shelter against a rainy day, give thanks for your blessings and pray for guidance every day.”—John Wooden

A sad truth about our mental health system does not only do people fear it as a stigma; most folks cannot afford it. Insurance pays some but I think we all can agree on coverage in most instances falls way short of what someone needs regarding mental health.

The good news is with the information you can find affordable mental health care even if you don’t have medical insurance. A great many mental health clinics work on a sliding scale, many non-profits and MHMR facilities also provide affordable mental health care.

Mental health, hope, happiness

Many Churches and faith-based organizations offer Pastoral Care. For those that are thinking this is a religiously based session, you’re wrong. Although supported by religious organizations, this is about mental health. You can certainly ask for prayer and other spiritual support, but you don’t have to, to receive services.

Local internet searches in your hometown will also yield you great information and resources local to you.

Check with your county hospital; ordinarily, social workers will have a list of local mental health resources that you can utilize.

Internet searches can give you many articles, videos and like information that you can begin to use to start the process (keep in mind nothing replaces a professional doctor or mental health professional).

Affordable care is out there you just have to search for it a bit.

Second Part of this article is more in line with finding ways to just feel a bit better. For example, meditation, yoga, and exercise.

Meditation has been a great source of comfort and indeed focuses my mind. Doing anywhere that you can find privacy is comfortable. It works best for me with headphones and good meditation music. You can find tons of great information and music on YouTube for free.

Just find a time that you can be uninterrupted and alone. My bedroom laying on my be is where I find the best peace. Focus on your breathing get relaxed and vision in your mind’s eye that which you want. Peace, happiness, and joy! See yourself in the right place. Over time you will learn how to block out the negative energy and find a beautiful place in your mind.

Yoga is a beautiful way to get Intune with your body. Bikram Yoga for me is terrific. The room is hot, and you sweat. The warmth really helps relieve tension by relaxing your muscles. It’s a beautiful release, I always feel better after Yoga.

Breathe, yes it sounds too simple but just breathes. Take a couple of minutes per day to just breathe. Take a few deep cleansing breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. Then focus for about a minute to slowly relax and breathe. Focus your attention on your breath.

No matter how bad things are in your life the preceding is easy to do, and it’s two of them are free. Yoga, you may find free Yoga classes at a local community center, many Yoga studios’ offer a free class every now and again.

When you can get outside of yourself for a short time, you will be amazed at how solutions will come to you. When you’re freaking out that all is lost that is the energy you pull in. Stop it by doing these few simple things. They won’t solve your problems, but any step forward is one step closer to happiness.

Hope is out here. No matter how desperate your situation may be, hope is here. Help is not that hard to find sometimes it just takes a bit of searching.

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If you have any questions:

Gratitude

“It is through gratitude for the present moment that the spiritual dimension of life opens up.” –Eckhart Tolle

Gratitude will be on the top of my list from now on. When you’re thankful for the little things, big things will come. Be grateful for all the blessing in your life, and I am about to tell you why.

  • Your body diagnosed with a terminal disease.
  • What do you have to be grateful for? Someone you love just passed away unexpectedly.
  • What do you have to be thankful for?
  • Everything in your life is fabulous. What do you have to be grateful for?

Tragedy strikes your life hard. Finding anything at that moment to be grateful for my appearance would be difficult. Hurt, anger, and emotion cloud our minds. We even curse God for what has happened. I get it, and it’s okay to be emotional, but we have to find our way back to peace.

family, grateful, gratitude

We all get hit in the gut with tragedy, divorce, job loss; you could make a laundry list of things that steal our peace. The most challenging part of this is to find gratitude. If we make it through something horrible, we can make it through anything. NO, some things are not fair. Life in many situations is not fair. The good news is God sees these things; it does not go unnoticed.

Where folks lose God in these moments is “how could God let my son or daughter get cancer” or some other tragedy befalls your life. If God’s all-powerful and performs these fantastic miracles how could he allow drama in my life?

I wish I had a right answer for why some things happen, and some things don’t. Why there is injustice in the world. Free will answers a lot of questions, but certainly not all. We must accept reality, work to find peace and move on with our life. I’m sorry if you have had a tragedy to befall your life. Over some time, the pain will abate itself.

Some loss we don’t want to know “nothing from nothing” leave me alone you don’t know my pain. Families have endured tragedy through the ages. How many sons have we lost to war? How many children have we failed to cancer or disease? None of it is fair in any sense of the word.

What we must with everything that we have in us is find gratitude. I get it you want to scream when you hear this statement. Some things that you must think about to find an answer. Let’s say you lost someone to death. Do you honestly in your heart believe that person would want you to suffer? I’m in no way negating your pain. You do have to ask yourself though would my loved one want me in extreme pain?

Of course, they would not! If I passed away, I don’t want my family to suffer. Yes, we all need to mourn and time will make the days pass easier. Don’t blame God for a natural occurrence. We all have a time that we’re going to die. It’s never going to come at the right time. Celebrate the time you did have with them.

So, we’ve covered the extreme. It’s the hardest thing in the world to do but finding gratefulness amid anguish won’t be easy. Life will go on even if you don’t think it will. If you can see the smallest of things to be grateful. Offer that to God. I wish I had better words to ease someone’s pain.

Being grateful in good times and bad will always be returned with a beautiful blessing or blessings. Life can kick you right in the gut when you least expect it. Remaining grateful will keep your life moving forward positively.

The flip side of this coin is stopping to be grateful when life is roses. Life could not be better work is excellent, the family is good, and your life is moving quickly. Taking time to stop and let God know you’re grateful for the harvest in your life. More importantly, than can imagine is to stop and thank God.

happy, family, joy, peace

Let God know that without him this beautiful life would not be possible. Stay humble in your praise.

For me during this season of my life. When I began to be grateful for my hardship with family, finance and personal experience. Finding the smallest thing to be thankful for was difficult. Then I’m reminded that my life is not as bad as others. You can lose your health in the blink of an eye, the same thing with your job. It can always be worse.

Taking time daily to thank God here are some ideas to get you started:

 

  • You have a job, may not be the one you want but you have a paycheck!
  • You have a car to get to work that runs!
  • If you have kids and they’re healthy. Imagine parents that just found out their child diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer, only have weeks to live.
  • If you’re living, breathing, and healthy. Imagine the same scenario as a child above, but you.
  • Beautiful day outside.
  • The roof over your head.
  • Food to eat at home. You realize how many folks will go hungry today?
  • If you are a husband or wife, being grateful for your marriage.

If you try hard enough, you can find a lot more than just this short list. Plenty of things to be grateful if you search your heart. Keep in mind that if you can be thankful during the hardest times in your life. The blessings you will receive will indeed be life-changing. It’s been my experience that during one of the most challenging times in my life. Being grateful truly helps me find peace.

Coming from an incredibly dark place in my life where everything was in turmoil. By feeling happy again because I’m grateful for what I do have. Small things, big things it does not matter. What matters is that I feel so glad and the real kicker, most of my problems are still in full swing. With a calm mind, however, I am making real progress to cure my problems. Thank you, God!

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Why is God Pissed at Me, He Is Not

“Although God loves us unconditionally, He does get angry at sin, wickedness, and evil. But He is not an angry God. God hates the sin, but He loves sinners! He will never approve of sin in your life, but He always loves you and wants to work with you to make progress in living a holy life in Christ.” — Joyce Meyer

When I started seeking God’s help in my life, I would think because things were not happening he was pissed at me. I was somehow not deserving of God’s love. Believing that God correct at me for my sins.

God does not punish you. Where you need to seek God’s word is in all aspects of your life. Whether you watch YouTube video’s, read your bible, or attend Church. What I lacked was education about God’s word. When I spoke to people in my church saying God is so pissed with me. The first answers always “No Honey he is not pissed at you.”

hope, prayer, pray

 What I have come to learn is that is the enemy wanting me to have no faith that God cares about me. He will deceive your mind into thinking you are not worthy of God’s forgiveness. Not true under any circumstance.

Having this knowledge up front would have saved me a lot of misery. Knowing that the enemy seeks to cloud your judgment. You may have to go through some things, but God is with you. He has not forsaken you; he hears every word you utter.

In the beginning, for you think about it this way. If you were going to change something about yourself, let’s say you want an MBA from college. You must take some classes, have training, study and pass tests for you to earn your MBA. Deserved gifts don’t come to you without working towards that goal.

God cannot change you overnight. You didn’t get into a mess overnight, and you’re not going to change overnight.

You may think if things don’t change right now my life is about to blow up. Fear of loss will cloud your good judgment. Hard for me to understand, how could God let my life fall apart? So far, he has not, my financial and family life is still in some turmoil. What I have come to believe in God in his good time will reveal to me my destiny. Knowing in my heart his promises when delivered to me will be more than I could have ever asked of God.

Each day is a new blessing of some sort. I have not lost anything; the world has not come to an end. So, settling down and trusting God has brought peace in my head. The problems are still here, but they’re not insurmountable in my mind anymore. God, gives me what I can handle every day.

Don’t freak-out over a life event. Most things are not that big a deal, we just in our mind make it so. If, however, you were just handed some terrible news I do understand we all have a moment with that. God will carry us through the darkest moments. Find some pastoral care. Seek out professional care, lots of fantastic Pastoral counseling services available.

When an event comes up in our lives, rest easy it’s not God’s doing. For a long time, I thought God was punishing me anytime something terrible happened. The enemy would love for you to subscribe to this thought. He wants us to suffer! You will if you don’t see yourself, healthy, happy, joyful and in God’s loving arms.

Don’t let the enemy consume your life. I did, and it put me in very dark places with myself. Had to fight my way out. It’s not an easy battle when the enemy thinks you might get saved to a new life. He will challenge you to the death if necessary. You have free will so that statement is horrifying indeed.

I’m not stronger or weaker than anyone reading this. We all suffer from the pain. No, it’s not easy and hurts like hell. What I can tell you is that if you fight through whatever it is, you suffer from at this moment. You will find peace. Believing that God is working behind the scenes to heal your life. Faith is not free you have to fight for it. Even when you don’t think you can make one more step, take the damn step it’s your turn to WIN!

If you don’t believe in God yet then fake it til you make it, you will come to find peace. DO NOT LOSE this battle. You will feel something if you keep going. I cannot emphasize this enough. Your mind will play tricks to the point of disaster. There is NO disaster if you believe. How many stories have you heard where people were healed from Cancer, addiction, heart failure or after years of trying a woman got pregnant and blessed with a beautiful child. We’re all miracles if we genuinely believe we are.

My own life, God, brought me back from the brink of disaster. Is it smooth sailing every day of course not? Was it without work on my part heck no. It took real stamina to stay in the fight, but I did, and you can too. Do NOT sell yourself short as I once did. God is not pissed at you for your past. Your past does not define who you could be today if you chose to.

Each day you breathe air is a good day. If that is all you can be grateful for them, God will take it. All God asks of you is unwavering faith in him. Will you slip and fall, absolutely you will. Is God going to punish you for it NO? Go to him and confess yourself and you will find forgiveness from God through confession. The cool part is you will build strength, so you don’t fall again doing the same thing. That is growth!

Let me burst another bubble for you. God is not impressed with your wealth, status or lack thereof. If you truly want what God has all that is necessary for you is a belief in God. Become the person you dreamed of being; it’s in your grasp if you bring it to God.

I struggled with this for so long. As humans, we’ve been conditioned to be suspect of things we cannot see. What I have come to learn besides God is not pissed at me for my past. If I look closely enough, God works miracles in my life every day. He puts things in front of me that if my heart is receptive, I will look up and tell him to show off.

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Get Ready for a Spiritual Title Fight

When your feet hit the floor in the morning, let the Devil say, “Oh Shit He’s up!”

Our minds can exhaust us to the point we feel like we’ve been in a heavyweight title fight. Pardon the cliché, but you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. What I want to prepare you for is the title fight that is coming. The enemy will see a change in you for good. All the sudden you went from being depressed to having hope.

Jesus paid for your sins on the cross. I am not going to pretend to be a theologian and quote scripture. What I did do is start attending a great Bible-based church. Began to study the word of God. You have protection from the enemy; you can yourself cast him out of your head (No you’re not Reagan McNeil from the Exorcist). God supplies all the tools you need. You must show up for work.

 Part of your job will be to follow the path I am laying down. Find an excellent Bible-based Church. Not hard to find and you may need to attend a couple before you see one that you feel is home. You will need the tools, and foundation for Christ to win the fight to come.

The enemy will come at you hard. WHY, because he is afraid to lose you to the right side. He wants your soul; he wants you to fail! You have free will so that it will become a choice. I would cry so hard thinking God seems pissed at me for all the things I have done in my life. Losing hope that God wanted anything to do with me. NOT TRUE! Learning from the study, Church and the Bible God loves me. It is the enemy that has the hold on us, not God. Rest easy dear friends. It is good and evil in this world it took me a while to understand.

prayer,pray,family

Sharing this first thing will sound a bit scary. You will have a better understanding that the difficulties to come are manageable with the right tools. God says, “No weapon formed against me will prosper.” Remember you have all the promises the Bible says we have. You must start believing with unwavering faith. God wants you to think about it before you receive it. Try it; this is where I stumbled hard.

Friends would tell me that God will never give you more than you can handle. I hated hearing that. The problem is it’s true. You can’t fight for the heavyweight championship of the world without getting knocked on your backside a few times. You will find the strength just as I did. Even from the darkest depths of your mind, a path to peace is available for anyone who seeks order.

Women readers who are moms can relate to this. Labor pains are excruciating, but the result is the greatest joy of your life. Once you go through labor and deliver yourself from hell, you’ve created in your head. The sooner the greatest joy in your life will be at hand.

Remembering always that the enemy will fill your mind with doubt, fear, this will never work. What happens is when you believe you’ll quit. Then the enemy wins. The only loser in this fight is you. It may seem as though God is not listening to you. He is, I thought this so many times. I would scream at God in my vehicle “get in the game” why are you forsaking me. He is not; the devil is treacherous in your mind.

 You will learn to live with your soul, not your head. The mind will never win over your destiny. What you can control is how quickly you see your future reveal itself. Frustration, hate, anger, despair, will only cause you to delay your life moving forward. You must begin to see yourself happy, joyous and free of pain. Don’t scream “I can’t do it.” If you do, you’re right. None of this is easy to hear; I get that!

What I am telling you is if you get knocked down get up. Tell yourself NOT THIS TIME; I get to win this time. Get that loser mentality out of your head. It won’t come all at once. You must recondition your mind for good. If you have suffered for a long-time change won’t happen overnight.

The mind will fight you to the point of utter exhaustion. During a marathon where you will hit the wall many times. Just like marathon runners, you convince yourself that it’s a mind trick it’s not your reality. Reality is you already have, peace, love, and happiness. We as Christians must learn to accept it. You think acceptance would be easy, for most it’s not. Stay in faith even when you don’t seem to have faith in anything. Tell God you don’t see a way, but you trust he will make a move!

One of the most important things I can tell you. Don’t help God, don’t impose your will on a situation that needs Gods hand not yours. For example, separated from your spouse. It’s a situation that you did not want, hit you out of the blue and you’re heartbroken. You call your spouse saying I promise I will change; I love you, please let’s work it out. That’s imposing your will. It’s not you are helping even though you think you’re fighting for your marriage. STOP!

If you want to trust God for a change in your life follow along in this book, I share what mistakes I made so you can have greater insight. You need to believe that God is handling the heart of both you and your spouse. You are jumping in does not help. Trust that if you give your marriage to God, asking him for his will be done. Someone asked me two questions:

  1. Do you want a perfect, loving, happy marriage?
  2. Do you want your spouse back with no change?

Relationships meant to be will be. Maybe, God is moving this person out of your life to make room for your deep down in your soul dream come true person to appear. When we let our destiny unfold naturally what a blessed life we will have.

It’s not always easy to see clearly during times of adversity. Remember we’re in a title fight for our life. The enemy will put horrible, terrible things in our head or before us. We can get betrayed; our life shattered into pieces.

How you get up and tell the enemy “that’s all you got” I have the power of God almighty who controls my life. A quote I love, “when your feet hit the floor in the morning, the Devil says oh shit he’s up. “Anything beats living a life of misery. It’s where I am at, and I pray you are too. Now is our time and “I ain’t going down no more”—Rocky Balboa

The fight will come hard, but if you keep reading, you will find the help you need to get up and fight even harder. The tools you will learn will make those fights fewer. Your spiritual armor will see you through.

self help, advice

Stay strong because God is getting ready to show out in your life in ways you could never have imagined. Your blessings are on the other side of this battle; what was meant for your harm God will bless your life in ways that only he can.

The stronger the attack, the bigger the blessing. Crazy, but when you get kicked right in the gut hard. When you walk trusting God you know, he is getting you ready to show out in your life! The pain you may encounter along the way in strengthening your resolve. Helping you be able to face anything the enemy throws in your approach to disrupt your life.

Everything I am writing about I have experienced. So, if you’re saying what does this guy know about my pain, he won’t understand what I’m going through in my life. It’s because I’ve lived it same as you.  I choose not to lose any more! Hope you come along!

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