How to start a civil conversation when you and your spouse, significant other, are fighting to the point you can’t say a nice word. This takes both you coming to the table as a cease-fire.
This is a fantastic way to have a civil conversation. What our goal will be is to talk without fighting. If you can begin a civil discourse, then you can start to find healing words and a way back to happiness.
For this, to work, you have to both agree to NOT talk about your fight. This is a total cease-fire of all ugliness! Each must come with an open heart.
- Make a time where you can sit down totally uninterrupted. No alcohol, no wine, just coffee or a soda. The two of you ONLY. Kids need to-go-to grandmas.
- Each of you agrees with no curse words.
- Rock, paper, scissors to see who talks first. Best two out of three if needed.
So what is the conversation going to be?
Give this some thought before you sit down. Assuming you are agreed.
Pick something about your life that your partner does not really know about you. The story can be about anything except for a topic that Segways into your argument.
The whole point of this is to talk about something that allows the two of you to communicate! Each takes a turn in telling a story, having a conversation that is merely the two of you talking.
If you’ve completed this, we have one more exercise.
What made you fall in love with each other? Have a conversation about what makes you happy together.
If you can do these two things then perhaps what you’re arguing about is not that big a deal. Sometimes, we just need to talk civilly and then remember why we love one another.
In relationships, we will have conflict. Arguments will happen in the very best of situations. It’s just part of life’s landscape. The question is how do you handle conflict?
Arguments can escalate very quickly. Words come blurting out of mouths destine for ears of someone we love. Hateful words in the heat of the moment can cause irreparable harm to a relationship. Our words can cut deep or heal. Choose wisely your words; a more accurate statement could not be told. Before you utter a peep out of your mouth, stop and think.
In the heat of the moment trying to stop and think is a challenge. Don’t get baited into a fight or the both of you could be very sorry. What we all forget in a debate is how much we love the person we’re arguing with. In the height of the conflict, all that tends to go out the window. Just as the enemy guides your mouth to a razor’s edge. Don’t fall into a trap.
Most important of all. DO NOT FIGHT TO WIN! If you do, you will ultimately pay the price for that.
Before a situation escalates into a battle. Try and stop everything. For example, agree to take a walk separately to cool off. Think about what the conflict is and weigh out it’s worth. So many times an argument can heat up to the point both parties forgot what they were arguing about. Hateful words overtook the issue. Sometimes, sorry is not enough when words come into play.
Taking a walk allows both parties to calm down. Think, honestly think about what the conflict is and weigh its significance against your bliss. When you both get back from taking a walk apart, take a short walk together and talk about anything but what you’re fussing over.
Doing this exercise will allow for some time to pass, then the chances are excellent that at this point you can find compromise and move on. Remember, that you care about and love each other. Arguments, more often than not are not about the other person but conflict within ourselves. Learn to discern the two.
My challenge to you right now. Go to someone you love right now, give a hug for no reason. Express, your love for someone special, strengthen your resolve to be happy. God bless!