Toxic Relationship Stops NOW

“Your past does NOT define your future.” This will become very clear as the story moves forward. Are you ready for change? If so then welcome.

It doesn’t matter whether you male or female. Either side can be on the receiving end of a toxic relationship. The article is written to both genders.

When you dwell into the past then thoughts of “I’m not worthy” “I’m worthless” will stop you in your tracks. It’s time to get our thinking into a healthy mindset; it’s time to smile again.

stress, spouse, self help

We really do this when it comes to letting go of relationships. Looking in that rearview mirror for clues. Answers that may never happen. It’s difficult to let go of relationships when we don’t understand fully why they ended or must end because it’s toxic.

Sometimes we’re in toxic relationships that it’s necessary for us to move on for our own sanity. Sadly, in this type of relationship, we get ourselves beaten down to the point that toxic behavior is allowed and accepted from ourselves. For some, the connection itself means more than our own serenity.

Allowing ones’ self to fall prey to this type of relationship is far more comfortable than what you might think. We convince ourselves that this person will change, or something about ourselves we can change that will make our toxic partner love us.

First thing don’t believe you have no options. For example, a housewife with young children no family close and the list goes on. So, acceptance becomes easier than facing the pain. This life is not your portrayal of a doormat. “Woo-Hoo I landed the part of a lifetime Doormat!” Not only NO but heck NO!

What now seems like a no-way-out scenario. Is temporary if you make it so.

This story will help:

Let’s pretend for a moment that the relationship of our dreams is at the top of a vast mountain we must climb to the summit to live happily-ever-after. Stay with me I know it sounds cheesy.

Our emotions are so heavy for the beautiful relationship we have to carry them in a backpack. So we load love, passion, desire, tranquility, and fulfillment into our pack. This is a lot of heavy emotions we’re carrying up the hill. The good news, for now, is that it all fits and we can carry it. The summit does not seem so far away.

Now comes our partner who has a few things we need to carry for them. These toxic emotions are incredibly dense.

What could be so much?

  • Control
  • Jealousy
  • Anger
  • Narcissistic behavior
  • Abuse both physical and mental (If physical violence is a part of your life, reach out for professional help, contact your local law enforcement. Protection and assistance are a phone call away)

So as the relationship begins “your hike up the hill” the emotions mentioned above get stuffed in your backpack. Not all at once mind you but slowly as you ascend to the summit. With each step, the pack becomes more burdensome, and your ability to combat these new emotions diminishes due to mental fatigue.

Until finally you just fall from exhaustion from the toxic emotional weight of the pack.

This becomes a dark place where we just see no light. The trail becomes so obscure we’re not able to see any hope (light at the end of the path to guide us). If you’re in this place, breathe! We’re getting ready to turn on the light to guide your way. Hope exists.

So what happens now? The answer is the flashlight that is in the bottom of your backpack that is now stuffed so tightly you cannot reach inside to get it. You’re going to have to unload the pack enough to get to the light. The flashlight holds the key to lighting your way.

Here are some simple steps bringing light to start now:

  1. Take a moment and breathe, yes breathe. Find a place that you can take a couple of minutes to just breathe. Take a couple of deep cleansing breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. Then just breathe for at least one minute. Relax your body. Relaxed clear mind! 
  2. Start walking every day. Do this for a couple of reasons. One you need strength, two you have an opportunity to clear your
  3. Learning to make your mind, relax your body. Power comes from within when you can harness that strength, see yourself while meditating towards that which you truly desire.
  4. Accept that YOU are allowed to be happy. Allowed to have the life you want. Your current situation is not a sentence.
  5. Educate yourself with suitable material. Apply what you learn to gain strength and enlightenment. Make an investment in your own happiness.

Would you like to know what the good news is? Five new negative emotions were added to your backpack. You now have five steps that have helped you remove enough garbage out of your pack so that now the flashlight that guides your way is within reach in your bag.

Grab it!

Now, let’s finish our climb.

With a lighter pack and light to see the trail. You can stand up and finish the journey. Toxic relationships are not anyone’s destiny. Getting out of it may have some pain that must be endured. Our steps outlined help you develop the strength to take the strain.

With your lighter pack and flashlight in hand begin your walk. The summit is now is starting to come clear from the fog that WAS your life. Practice every day these simple steps, and you will be amazed at how quickly your emotional strength will recover.

See yourself at the top of the mountain. Now we need to add a little to what happens when we get to the top of our mountain.

At the top of the mountain, the summit, the pinnacle of your happiness. From this vantage point, you see, happiness, love, joy, and freedom to live the life you dreamt of. With the strength to say what is acceptable and what is NOT acceptable in your life experience.

We all may enjoy a life filled with trials and tribulations, but those trials are not acceptable when induced by someone that professes to love us.

You now have the tools to begin the journey. Remember, you’re not alone, and you are worthy of happiness.

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Helpful Resources:

Pastoral Counseling (reach out to a local Church that offers Pastoral Care)
Marriage Counseling (many centers work on a sliding scale for payment)

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Frustration get rid of It

As the title would suggest getting rid of frustration, well easier said than done. Good news it’s possible to condition ourselves to at least shake it off quicker.

Frustration can if we allow it to be debilitating to some and stifling to others. We all get frustrated with work problems, relationship problems, and life in general. Our lives are moving as quickly forward as we would like for example.

self help, prayer, happy

Here are a few simple tasks to be done that can help relieve frustration:

  1. Take a minute or two several times a day to just breathe. A couple of deep cleansing breaths. A minute or so of just breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth. Relax.
  2. Whatever it is that frustrates you write down what the outcome you would like to have to overcome the frustration. Then focus on that. Put this up like an affirmation everywhere you can. The result, not the problem!
  3. When appropriate talk it out. Get someone you respect to offer a new perspective. You don’t necessarily have to agree, but you can see that alternatives do exist.
  4. Get out and walk. Clear your head. Go somewhere where you can take in beautiful trees, nature, or just a place that you find calming. Enjoy a calming walk, focus on what’s around you soak up the environment. Leave your woe’s in the car.
  5. Turn the frustration on its head. Look at what’s happening as a game challenge. To get to the next level, you have to concur where you are. Look for solutions vs. focusing on the frustration itself.

Nothing hard about these few things that you can do to help you overcome frustration. Focus your attention on the end result of where you would like to be. The path to get their will come clear as you believe for the outcome you desire.

Open your heart to possibility. Even if the outcome is not what you desire. Look at the bigger picture, perhaps God is clearing this out to make room for what your destiny indeed is. Sometimes, we must let go of toxic situations to gain our true promise. Be open in your heart, and this will come clear to you.

Smile, breathe and go take a walk!

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Wisdom for Change

“When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable.”—Walt Disney

No matter what you want in this life, if you believe in it, you can achieve it.

You must be willing to do the work, you can’t say “please bring me a million dollars, go sit on the couch and watch Rocky & Bullwinkle cartoons and expect your bank account to mystically increase.”

Do the work! Believe in that which you desire with all that is you! Watch your world change!

wisdom, self help, success

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We all need a little Help

We all need a Little Help from time-to-time.

“Be true to yourself, help others, make each day your masterpiece, make friendship a fine art, drink deeply from good books – especially the Bible, build a shelter against a rainy day, give thanks for your blessings and pray for guidance every day.”—John Wooden

A sad truth about our mental health system does not only do people fear it as a stigma; most folks cannot afford it. Insurance pays some but I think we all can agree on coverage in most instances falls way short of what someone needs regarding mental health.

The good news is with the information you can find affordable mental health care even if you don’t have medical insurance. A great many mental health clinics work on a sliding scale, many non-profits and MHMR facilities also provide affordable mental health care.

Mental health, hope, happiness

Many Churches and faith-based organizations offer Pastoral Care. For those that are thinking this is a religiously based session, you’re wrong. Although supported by religious organizations, this is about mental health. You can certainly ask for prayer and other spiritual support, but you don’t have to, to receive services.

Local internet searches in your hometown will also yield you great information and resources local to you.

Check with your county hospital; ordinarily, social workers will have a list of local mental health resources that you can utilize.

Internet searches can give you many articles, videos and like information that you can begin to use to start the process (keep in mind nothing replaces a professional doctor or mental health professional).

Affordable care is out there you just have to search for it a bit.

Second Part of this article is more in line with finding ways to just feel a bit better. For example, meditation, yoga, and exercise.

Meditation has been a great source of comfort and indeed focuses my mind. Doing anywhere that you can find privacy is comfortable. It works best for me with headphones and good meditation music. You can find tons of great information and music on YouTube for free.

Just find a time that you can be uninterrupted and alone. My bedroom laying on my be is where I find the best peace. Focus on your breathing get relaxed and vision in your mind’s eye that which you want. Peace, happiness, and joy! See yourself in the right place. Over time you will learn how to block out the negative energy and find a beautiful place in your mind.

Yoga is a beautiful way to get Intune with your body. Bikram Yoga for me is terrific. The room is hot, and you sweat. The warmth really helps relieve tension by relaxing your muscles. It’s a beautiful release, I always feel better after Yoga.

Breathe, yes it sounds too simple but just breathes. Take a couple of minutes per day to just breathe. Take a few deep cleansing breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. Then focus for about a minute to slowly relax and breathe. Focus your attention on your breath.

No matter how bad things are in your life the preceding is easy to do, and it’s two of them are free. Yoga, you may find free Yoga classes at a local community center, many Yoga studios’ offer a free class every now and again.

When you can get outside of yourself for a short time, you will be amazed at how solutions will come to you. When you’re freaking out that all is lost that is the energy you pull in. Stop it by doing these few simple things. They won’t solve your problems, but any step forward is one step closer to happiness.

Hope is out here. No matter how desperate your situation may be, hope is here. Help is not that hard to find sometimes it just takes a bit of searching.

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If you have any questions:

Faith Triumphs Again

Through fantastic faith, blessing comes. Of late I have been tested in my faith and struggling to let God guide my way. The good news for me is that I recognize what’s going on with me and don’t stress the way historically I have.

Pushing through, however, is tough. The lassitude this brings into my life is stifling. The aberrant lack in my life causes me more stress. Finding my way back to what is healthy for me is a struggle I believe we all suffer with.

Most importantly not losing faith, and hope, but staying in faith even when it seems out of reach. Circumstances overwhelm reason. If I don’t believe in a bad outcome and focus my attention to a happy resolution. This is the end of the field God plays on, and through our faith, his will shines through.

 

prayer, faith, hope, Chocolate Cake
You can eat some not so good stuff if you get this cake at the end. Think about it!

 

What prompted me to write this article. Last night I was struggling through finances as I am sure you all do from time-to-time. Checking my email, I opened one from my credit card company with a new credit line increase. No, I don’t recommend living off credit cards.

My point to sharing the credit increase is the timing. I had let God know that I know he is working to bring the right jobs, the right new customers and my needs will be met.

Historically, I would be freaking out. Instead, I simply let God know I have faith in him to provide. I do the work every day, stay in faith, diligently do my job, I don’t sit on my duff and do nothing.

The increase came out of the blue; I had not asked nor applied for any assistance. In my heart, I believe God was letting me know he is there. This type of blessing happens a lot when I stay in faith. When I feel even though I can’t see any way out, I let God know that I believe he will pull me through.

God knows my heart; he knows my journey now includes him daily. Many times, my faith is tested where it would be easy to say “this doesn’t work, God does not listen to me.” It’s been my experience that when I do that things do get worse. When I believe all will be okay, then slowly but surely bumps in the road smooth out.

Somedays its big things and somedays you merely need to look for the smallest of miracles in your life. Big or small it’s a step forward. Be grateful at all time that God has taken the time to bless your day.

When you don’t see a way, this is when you have to trust that God is working behind the scenes to help you. Just because you can’t see any movement whatsoever does not mean that change is about to occur in your life. Stay in faith, as they say, this too shall pass!

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If you have questions or comments I would love to hear from you: