Life’s Puzzle Solved

A sneak peak at my new book:

Chapter 1

Beginning Change

“They always say time changes things, but you have to change them yourself.” –Andy Warhol

Before you begin this book, I am going to ask you to do one thing. Do this; it will be liberating!

Accept your life as it is now. No matter your lot in life, where you are, or your social situation. Simply accept your life. Let go of everything and accept. Let go of mental things, let go of emotional pain, everything, let go of it.

Do this only for yourself. Don’t worry about others; this is you—absolute acceptance of your entire being. You do not have to prove a damn thing to anyone; be within yourself.

By doing this, you can start from a clean slate. Your life is a do-over. Accept who you are, where you are. Now everything can be fresh. Begin here. Acceptance!

“I accept who I am. Today is day one of my NEW life.”

Let’s talk about the next step from Acceptance.

“Desire”

Do you desire to change?

How bad do you want to change?

Enough to follow through, or will this go silently adrift into the abyss? (Being honest with yourself)

You, however, must desire and want change. People say all the time, “yes, I want that.” But, unfortunately, very few see change through to fruition.

You must be willing to change your environment, habits, and outlook to achieve lasting change.

Be sick and tired of being sick and tired!

Learn to set yourself up for success—activity vs. Productivity.

“Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little.” –Edmund Burke

Never think a small step or time is an issue. Forward momentum!

If you understand how something will impact your life in a meaningful way, you will change. Unfortunately, it is NOT motivation; you lack its knowledge.

Learn WHY and the rest will fall in place! When you learn enough to understand the outcome of what you are trying to change. It is fun at that point. You feel sucked in by the force of knowing something unique is about to happen.

It’s not possible to remain the same person every day until you die. Otherwise, you would still need diapers. We grow; we learn. It is the way of things.

Remember, the world may be in turmoil; you do not have to be. Life can control you, or you can manage your own life. Things will happen out of our control; however, if it is not in your lane, stay in your lane! Keep the faith that change is occurring and forthcoming.

Be open to change no matter how impossible your perception of life is right now. What happens to you is what you allow mentally (of course not physically). You have more strength than you know.

Beat down emotionally? The only way from here is up. Never fall into the mindset that life is over, no hope. Nothing is over until it’s over. Want to be done with all the bullshit? You can and will find a way. I did!

With the change, you may find that friends may fall out. If people in your life fade away, let them go. Sometimes change occurs. Destinies change. Be open.

Somedays, you will feel alone. Somedays, you will say F’ it, I am not strong enough. I, too, had those days, dark days to the point of resigning myself to ending my life. At that moment, shit just was not worth it anymore.

I am aimlessly walking through life with nothing to hope for, nothing to live for, and broken. I have shared this story a few times in my podcast and blog.

Four years or so ago. A failed marriage, a divorce that at the time I did not want. At the time, I loved my wife very much. To add insult to injury, I paid for a divorce that I did not wish to occur.

More to the point, once the pain subsided, I realized our lives had different destinations. Hurt, but it made sense.

With not much left in my life, I moved to West Texas at the request of my family. So off to West Texas Glitzy, my dog and I go.

Fast forward a bit. I began to go to Church in Odessa, Texas. Two amazing things happened to me.

First, I was searching for anything that would bring me peace.

While sitting in church one Sunday morning, the pastor was doing an alter call. Where folks in the congregation give themselves to Jesus Christ or reaffirm their decision, keep in mind for the next part that I, other than being polite and saying good morning, not a soul in the church, knew who I was.

On this Sunday, I raised my hand. After the prayer and everyone sat down. The pastor was walking across the stage and stopped. Turning back towards the crowd, he began to say, “Sir, sir” finally realizing he was calling out to me, I was surprised. The pastor said to me, “God had put in his heart that whatever creative things I was working on don’t stop.”

Not knowing me from Adam, the fact that I had been writing a great deal, my goal for that year was to publish my first book. How could he ever know that? Ponder that.

That year not only did I publish my first book, but I also actually published seven.

Second, a miracle that happened for me follows:

I have attended the church for several months now. But, honestly, at this moment, I will freely admit not much was changing, and I had fallen back into a deep depression.

An event at the church had come up a barbeque. As I sat alone at a table during the event, finding myself at the lowest point in my life. Nothing seemed like it would ever work out. At this moment, I made the decision it was simply time to go. End Life and end the pain. The scary part is a false sense of peace came over me.

At this moment, I hear some say, “Bob is that you?” As I turned, I saw Paulette, the Pastors wife standing behind me and calling out to me as I had made this horrible decision.  

Paulette asked me what I was doing sitting alone. We exchanged pleasantries, and she invited me to sit at her table and join her friends. I hesitantly accepted.

As the evening progressed, I began to realize people were genuinely friendly. I was enjoying myself entirely for the first time in what seemed to be years.

On my way home, I felt at peace.

My point to these two events is this. No way could Pastor Don have had any idea I was a writer. Likewise, Paulette could not have known that seconds before she said something to me, I had planned that my life was not worth living.

In my mind, God spoke through them to me not one time but two. So my belief tells me that God said that my life did have meaning in my darkest moment.  

Whether you believe or have faith, miracles do happen. Change can happen. We don’t always understand why life is what it is, but hope does exist, even when you find yourself ready to give up.

My prayer for you is never to think that life cannot be changed for the better. I am living proof that you can. Even though I did not want a divorce, I am excited about my life and the days ahead.

Writing brings me joy and peace. When writing, I honestly feel that is what I am supposed to be doing.

“Change is hard until it’s not.”—Robert Bruton

First, you must begin right now to be open to change. To say to yourself, “what if this guy is right?” I can change my entire life no matter age, gender, education, or station in life. You can change. Simply put, you must want change.

This statement will sting a little bit because it is brutally honest. Get these two statements out of your head:

  • “I am old school.” I am not going to change. (Hard truth answer. You’re too lazy to change.) Ouch, but damn, stop saying that.
  • “I am not a morning person.” (Get your ass out of bed. A life filled with happiness, and you would rather sleep lazy ass.) Ouch again, but NO, you can get up and meet the day with everything that is you; come on now.

“I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.” –Muhammad Ali

Limiting beliefs are no longer a part of our mantra. (PSA: sometimes we must swallow the truth that chokes us).

If you are reading this book, let us assume your answer is in the affirmative.

My mother has a great saying to my sister and me. “You did not wreck yourself overnight; you cannot fix yourself overnight.” Patience is the call of the day. As we begin this book, you will be changing many aspects of your psyche and old paradigms to wash away.

In my podcast this morning, I related a story that I would like to tell you now.

When you look at herds of animals, one animal always stands out from the entire herd or pack. In this example, I will use horses because I love horses. As horses move about, they, like all herd animals, have one leader. Imagine yourself in the herd, running across the open plains doing your thing. Today, however, you begin to run faster and stronger than you ever have. You are overtaking the lead horse.

This newfound strength came upon you. Nothing special about you thus far, but today you found a whole new speed in your run. Today you’re leading the herd.

We all have something profound within us that, at any moment, can come out. When you learn to quiet your mind, keep still in the face of adversity. You will find this new speed. Keep reading because this book is filled with more than you can imagine. Life is about to change.

Most of us buy into the “we are where we are” syndrome. You may be today, but you damn sure can be in a new place tomorrow. Get that straight out of your head; you will thank me later.

We all must learn not to listen to society’s norms. Even a well-meaning family can stifle dreams. Only two people know whether you can or cannot do a thing—you and God. Everything else is conversation.

Learning to look at life taking these things out of the equation:

  1. Money is not a problem
    (how you say? We can all figure out how to start on a shoestring or fund a project. It just takes knowledge).
  2. Knowledge is not a problem
    (how you say? Gaining knowledge about anything is an online or library search away).
  3. Time is not the problem

(How you say? Learn the difference between Activity vs. Productivity, and you will master your life). My pee tests. “Did you pee today?” Yes, being the most common answer. You told me you did not have time to do anything. Yet you had time to pee. Mull that over a while, it will come to you! (Spoiler alert you have to)

These three items have been staples in how to set goals for years.

ONE BIG THING MISSING

FEAR

WHAT IF FEAR WAS NO LONGER A PROBLEM?

HEALTHY FEAR YES | DEBILITATING FEAR NO

As we journey through this book, you will learn how to master your fear. Learn to condition yourself to remain calm under extreme pressure when necessary and stay calm through life.

Arguably the most debilitating of all emotions is fear. So stop you in your tracks, and these phrases have that ability for now:

  • Lose my job. Voluntarily or not.
  • Ruin my credit.
  • I have bills.
  • I have children and a mortgage.
  • I don’t know-how.

You can damn sure talk yourself out of anything—fear talking. But, in later chapters, we will learn how to overcome fear with knowledge.

Baby steps are okay. Forward momentum is always a good thing, big or small. Just keep the inertia moving forward.

“The person who says it cannot be done. Should stop interrupting the person doing it.”—Chinese Proverb

You are talking yourself out of doing something or allowing someone to talk you out of something you are enthusiastic about stops now. Learn to believe in your ability. Not, others’ interpretation of your abilities. Significant difference.

How many success stories have you heard from early on in a company’s Genesis that major players walked by and said, “oh, that’s not ever going to work.” Microsoft®, Apple®, Compaq®, FedEx®, and others all laughed at early on. Belief, perseverance, and the wisdom to learn from failures and build back stronger. Your life is just like that.

Change may not come at the first door; you may need to open a few before walking through the right one.

When you believe strongly enough (not wishful thinking) that you ache to do something, it calls to you. Then you figure the way. Knowledge is the key. Then, you will achieve your wildest dreams.

Knowledge is one of the key ingredients you will utilize to have people ask you in the beginning, “Why are you doing that?” to then ask you, “How did you do that?” Knowledge to achieve, solve, and overcome. The real question will be, are you willing to learn?

Learning is just like a bicycle. When you begin to learn to ride a bike, you suck. Skinned knees, maybe a broken bone, but you continue to LEARN. As you progress, you take one hill, then the next until you’re a kamikaze finding the steepest hill, the most significant jump, not caring if you bust your ass. Why? You have learned and mastered the bike.

Life is the same way. You have learned and mastered life. You don’t care if you bust your ass. Why because you know HOW to get back up. You learn to love the journey, good and bad, instead of focusing on a small failure only to peter out.

It is liberating!

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” –Wayne Dyer 

What I hear in that statement is change brings about knowledge. The bicycle metaphor, in the beginning, could be construed as menacing because you bust your ass all the time. However, as you gain knowledge to ride the bike proficiently, the bike looks like tremendous fun.

Life can be the same!

When I was a kid, I skied in Ruidoso, New Mexico. First, the ski area was named Sierra Blanca; after the mountain peak, it later changed to Ski Apache.

In my youth, the ski run I most wanted to conquer was a run called Capitan. Very steep with huge moguls. To a young boy, very foreboding. The first attempt going down the hill took what seemed to be hours traversing the mountain from one side to the other.

Capitan became one of my favorite runs to ski, and I eventually skied many races on that run with time. I went from traversing side to side to being able to downhill the slope. No turns straight, tuck, and down we go.

After a time of overcoming fear, I was able to do anything I wanted on the hill. For me, it was one of the biggest thrills of achievement in my life. Many a fun race day I had was spent on that hill.

With time and practice, you too can overcome your fear of skiing your Capitan.

To solve life’s puzzle, you need knowledge and lots of it. Conquering fear is nothing more than the knowledge to decipher what you fear. Humans are not fearful of anything they understand. Guys who handle venomous snakes (I agree crazy as hell) do so because they know how to do so. Therefore, they can take and control dangerous situations. Bomb guys the same way. Ability overcomes difficult fear and lets healthy respect reside.

Become a student of life.

For example:

  • Are you the go-to person in your field for a professional opinion if a national broadcast calls you? No, why?
  • The most challenging problem in your life, do you curl up in a ball or hit them head-on? If you knew how to solve the problem, would you still curl up in a ball? NO!
  • Want to change the world? How? Knowledge to solve the problems of the world might be an excellent place to start.
  • Want a better job? Learn how to do something better, more proficiently, and you will land a better-paying job. Solving someone’s problems and pay is not a problem. Think about that for a minute.
  • About to lose a relationship. Learn what it takes to have a safe, happy, loving, healthy relationship, and you will not. Or better still, if you lose, you won’t close it on yourself the next time that door opens.

Learn to solve problems, get out in front of an issue solve it. Money will not be your problem.

Remember you must start somewhere. Never think, “oh, if I get the job now, I can solve problems later.” No, get the knowledge and work your way towards your result. You cannot skip forward and expect lasting change. Do the work!

Improvise, Adapt, and overcome!

You do not need a formal education to fix your life—knowledge is accessible to all. It would help if you simply found it. Not hard at all.

When you learn that life is not holding you back, you are. It’s not what side of the tracks you were born on, education or no education. So many men and women throughout history have come from horrible situations to achieve beautiful things.

Society would like to have you believe that it’s only a select few who can achieve. Stop buying a pile of horse manure.

When you say, I don’t have the education to do that. Most successful entrepreneurs came from nothing, had nothing, and indeed no formal education.

You can gain knowledge through so many avenues:

  • Library, read as many books as you can, read daily. One hour per day X 365 days is 365 hours of study!
  • Online Searches (research) any subject you need help with learning.
  • Seminars (in person and online)
  • Training courses (in-person and online)
  • Volunteering
  • Find a Mentor
  • SBA / Score (internet search if you don’t know what this is)

Open yourself to new ideas and new ways of learning!

Srinivasa Ramanujan was an Indian mathematician that had virtually no formal math training. Yet, in his day, he solved math problems that others said were unsolvable. Moreover, his work was so advanced other scholars of the day dismissed his work.

He mainly worked in isolation. But, from this one book, A Synopsis of Elementary Results in Pure and Applied Mathematics, G. S. Carr’ this young man was able to extrapolate some of the most thought-provoking work in mathematical history. One book changed his life forever!

Sadly, this young man died at age 32.

Think about this for a minute. Your life could change forever reading one book—extraordinary to think.

Considered today, Srinivasa Ramanujan is a legend within the mathematic community and with scholars.

Another person of notable success you will certainly recognize is Demi Moore. “I was born in Roswell, New Mexico and raised by alcoholic parents in a trailer park.” (Roswell is my birthplace)

From that beginning, she did not let her environment, or lack thereof, deter her from becoming an excellent Hollywood star.

Change only occurs when you change! Do you want to change?

Asperger Syndrome:

A developmental disorder was affecting the ability to socialize and communicate effectively.

Asperger syndrome is a condition on the autism spectrum, with generally higher functioning.

Consider Elon Musk, who suffers from Asperger’s. This amazing man has not let what some would say a disability keep him from reaching his vision. Instead, he does what he loves, someone that pursues space travel; let’s say it is not a regular Joe job.

 A disorder that makes social situations awkward, I think we can all agree Elon Musk has articulated his vision in a meaningful way.

Excuses for our lives stop at this moment!

“I learned a long time ago the wisest thing I can do is be on my side, be an advocate for myself and others like me.” –Maya Angelou

You must buckle down and work. Learn how to apply knowledge to a situation and see how quickly your life changes. When you can step in front of a problem with the actual ability to solve it, the world is yours.

You have attained knowledge. Think about something that you might be afraid to try. Dancing, for example. When you begin to learn a dance, you probably look dorky until you master the steps. You don’t simply walk on the dance floor and waltz the first time beautifully. However, with practice, you will look graceful on the floor.

At that point, fear is out the window!

What if I fail? You fail if you don’t try!

What if I look stupid? Who Cares???

Everyone begins at ground zero. We all had to start somewhere with only the knowledge that we possessed at that moment. As time moved, so did the skill level; this, in turn, brings down the level of fear to a manageable level.

From an article I wrote:

What does it take to make lasting and real change?

Simply writing out goals with no concrete plan of action is useless. Lord, I want a million dollars in my bank account, do nothing, and by some miracle, it will happen because you wished it!

Sorry to burst bubble; life change takes real work. Wishing for something to happen is flat going to get you ZERO.

Want to learn the secret sauce?

Organize your life to win. From the time you get up to the time you go to bed, be about good works. Yes, you can have time for messing about. The basic plan daily is getting our job done, then playing—a balance of productivity and activity. Learn to master the difference between the two, and you will achieve your heart’s desire.

Life cannot be all about you. Make some room for making a difference every day. It can be as simple as sharing a smile, a hearty good morning. Perhaps, you visited a total stranger in the hospital or nursing home to spread good cheer. Just be a blessing to anyone today. First and foremost, to lead a life of abundance.

Everything else will fall in place when you set out to change your life to achieve happiness, peace, and joy in your heart. Having peace in your head will give you access to the far reaches of your brain. Learning to declutter our minds will open creative thoughts.

How do you say do I slow down my brain long enough to have a positive thought?

Meditation

Learning through prayer and meditation to slow down decompress our brain to begin receiving new thoughts and ideas. Problem solved with a clear head.

(We have a chapter on Mediation) 

As I finished this book, I returned to this spot to share a different story that I heard in a video. It struck me as thought-provoking.

I watched a video by a helicopter pilot who flies for a major TV show in Alaska. He shared a story about something he asked a Coast Guard Helicopter rescue pilot. The TV pilot asked: “how do you know when a flight is a no-go or go due to weather conditions?” To which the Coast Guard Pilot replied: “When we get called out on a rescue, the weather is normally torrential due to the nature of the call, may-day distress. The weather is not the factor if we can open the hanger door in the storm we go.” Meaning if they can manage to open the hanger door in a torrential storm, they fly no matter the conditions.

My point to this is you have a decision to make. Your life is a mayday call. Are you going to let a storm stop you? Or will you move the hanger door the hell out of the way so you can do your job? People can find the will to overcome anything. Each of us can fly no matter what the weather.

Time to fly!

Available at Amazon: https://tinyurl.com/ysdpknvb

Resources vs. Resourcefulness

“Infuse your life with action. Don’t wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Make your future. Make your hope. Make your love. And whatever your beliefs, honor your creator, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what you can to make grace happen… yourself, right now, right down here on Earth.”—Bradley Whitford

In my research, the one common denominator that stood out to me more than anything. Peoples fear a lack of resources. We don’t have the right equipment. I don’t have a proper education. We don’t have enough money.

All great excuses if you don’t want to win. Throw in the towel before you even get in the ring.

Let’s dispel a few things.

The definition of resourcefulness as it appears in the dictionary:

noun

the ability to find quick and smart ways to overcome difficulties.

“his films show remarkable technical resourcefulness.”

You are learning to become clever. If you say you can’t be clever, I am going to scream.

Yes, you can!

Let’s work a couple of scenarios:

You want to start a photography business. You have no gear or at least not too much.

  • Some of the gorgeous photographs taken with a smartphone. Apple®, for example, has photo contests for its products.
  • Have you seen how many commercials shot on the phone? YouTube®
  • Pentax® introduced a new point-n-shoot and shot all the national promotional commercials with it.
  • Rent gear. Several cool shops offer this service for any camera you can think of including Cinema cameras. I should know I rent equipment all the time.
  • Free editing software. I use an editor called Resolve®. It’s free and very robust. Even pay software is not that expensive to use.

With a little research, you can get smart enough to start your business. Besides, most great videographers prefer simple equipment. You don’t need a $50,000 camera to shoot incredible shots. It’s the eye, not the gear! The expensive gear will come, be great the gear companies will come to you!

How about relationships. Who says you can’t find the right person? Say your supper, shy. Social occasions, you freeze, cold sweats, and disaster.

  • In chapter one, we learned volunteers. Do something you are passionate about that helps people. My guess is you do something in your life that you do well, and the shy you fade away. Helping others is a great way to get out of your head.
  • Teach people something. You can go to the library and offer a class. Can you potty train a puppy, do you cook well, can you bowl, what can you do that you could teach someone else to do?
  • Read to kids at the library. Kids are funny and will keep you on your toes.

Find something that will help you strengthen yourself to have confidence. Then we go out and tackle the big fish. Use things you’re comfortable to do to help you develop.

Most people I meet that are shy are afraid of social interaction. Why? Because of a lack of being in that environment. I get there are clinical issues that can go beyond this simple process. What I am suggesting is if you’re comfortable, to try simple things like volunteering. It’s easy to exit these situations if needed.

The more we can put ourselves in situations that allow us to grow from our fear. The less likely we are to fail.

Resourcefulness is fun to challenge the mind to find solutions to the impossible. My favorite comeback when asked what I am doing at work; “I am making Ice Cream out of dog shit.” Talk about resourceful, forget about it.

However, let’s stop for a second. You would have to be resourceful to make ice cream out of dog poo. The extreme that I want to take you too. If we lack in resources, then we better learn to make this ice cream.

How pray-tell do we achieve this smelly task, you ask? Knowledge, read, research, we learn how. Did you know that Warren Buffet reads much of his day? Other veracious readers include Bill Gates and Mark Cuban. My thinking is if these guys gather this much knowledge, seeing what level of success they enjoy. Well, there is something to the power of education.

When we have a lack of resources, maybe gaining knowledge that shows us how to be resourceful to overcome an obstacle will serve us well. Even if we have the resources, would you not prefer to solve a problem vs. writing a check cleverly?

witty, clever, smart

Something I have learned along the way about having funding for a business. Of course, who would not want a million in the bank to begin a business? However, many who start a business with funding often fail. It makes you complacent. Take more risks in advertising, or we need this piece of equipment. When reality says no, you don’t.

Let me share something with you that I thought was one of the most profound statements ever. Robert Stephens, the founder of Geek Squad®, made this vague statement; “Advertising is the TAX you pay for being Unremarkable!”

What does advertising do it begs people to buy your stuff cheaper than anyone else? Have you ever seen a Cartier® commercial that says; THIS SATURDAY ONLY WE’RE BLOWING OUT ALL OUR ENGAGEMENT RINGS AT 50% OFF OUR LOWEST PRICE. Are you kidding me? Cartier® does not even open the store on Saturdays. If you can’t come during the week, you can’t afford to shop there. Moreover, they’re remarkable!

Think about that metaphorically. You could apply this statement for every aspect of your life.

 Are you remarkable?

  • Remarkable Human Being
  • Remarkable Spouse
  • Exceptional Parent
  • Outstanding health

This statement speaks to resourcefulness. People are much more impressed with cleverness than they are any amount of money.

I could hire a ghostwriter, or I can write my books myself. Writing requires me to be smart. If I can’t keep you engaged in the book, I won’t sell to many. Amid this, I still hold down and everyday Joe job that is a stepping stone to my new life.

Learning to become resourceful will help you gain a great many new skills when no choice exists but to do something or try something. As you journey into that abyss, you will retain more because your focus is more.

You can teach yourself to do just about anything. The question is how bad you want your dreams to come true. Are you willing to invest in your success? The question applies to any aspect of your life. A great deal of what I’m writing sounds like a business success story. This information is all-encompassing.

The only way you can ever expect to win is to have more knowledge than the other guy. Allow you the resourcefulness to amaze. When you can solve issues without having to buy your way out or in, my friend that is genius. Who would you do business with a talent or a dude that has a lot of money (keep in mind money comes and goes)? The genius has a higher long-term yield.

Apply this to a relationship. Who will win the girl? The clever man or the guy with money? The clever man will have to work much harder and do even more spectacular things to win a girl’s affection. A good woman is going to weigh out and respect more the guy who must come up with unique ways to make the girl feel special. Money might buy you a good time, may purchase good food, but a resourceful guy wins over the heart.

If people can see your ability to solve problems consistently, that will take you to the finish line every time! Money comes and goes. Intelligence if forever.

I go back to the photography business. It’s not the gear; it’s the photographer’s eye. You can see the subject in a way that inspires. You can give a $50,000 camera to someone that never guarantees a Pulitzer prize.  For that matter, a decent photo.

Being resourceful solving issues, seeing life in a way that you embrace challenge you don’t freeze because things get tough. Seeing the opportunity in all things is our minds destination. For years, I did not, and gave up. No more!

Today I am always looking at how to improve a bad situation. Looking to be resourceful helps me hone my skills.

This is a Chapter out of Tying it All Together. Link to Amazon

book, eBook, paperback book

Helping Someone Depressed

*To help your friend or relative:

 Offer emotional support, understanding, patience, and encouragement.

Talk to him or her and listen carefully.

Never dismiss feelings but point out realities and offer hope.

self improvement, hope, help

Never ignore comments about suicide and report them to your loved one’s therapist or doctor.

Invite your loved one out for walks, outings, and other activities. Keep trying if he or she declines, but don’t push him or her to take on too much too soon.

Aid in getting to doctors’ appointments.

Remind your loved one that with time and treatment, the depression will lift.

Caring for someone with depression is not easy. Someone with depression may need constant support for an extended period. Make sure you leave time for yourself and your own needs. If you feel you need additional assistance, there are support groups for caregivers too.

Helping someone with depression can be a real task. The person may be in a pit and become verbally combative when insisted on getting moving to a therapy appointment or maybe just to the shower.

Remember, it’s the depression lashing out or talking to you. Just like someone drunk, it’s the liquor talking. Boundaries can be set; however, patience is the call of the day.

*U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Institutes of Health, National Institute of Mental Health. (2015). Depression (NIH Publication No. 15-3561). Bethesda, MD: U.S. Government Printing Office.

Life Detox

This is the first chapter of Life Detox. How we can cleanse, mind, body, and soul. Sometimes it’s just time to rip off the bandaid and be done with it! Choose to begin anew!

Chapter 1 

Why 

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”—Michael Jordan

Perfection is not the goal; persistence is our focus. 

You’ve all heard you need to find your way. True but, in this scenario, the why needs to be you’re sick-and-tired-of-being-sick-and-tired! Enough is enough. Well, I can tell you that over a year ago, that is where I found myself. 

(Get a pad of paper to do some writing) To make any lasting change, grab the paper! 

Here are some questions you need to ask yourself:

 

  • Is your life where you hoped it would be right now?

 

  • Are you depressed most of the time?
  • Are you merely going through the paces of daily life with no real direction, work, go home, that’s about all?
  • Are you unhappy? Why?
  • If money, time, education, depression were not the problem. What would fulfill your life?

 

 

Please take the time to put some real thought into the questions. If you follow along this way, we can save you a great deal of time. 

You must get very clear on what you would like to see your life become. One of the biggest epiphanies I’ve experienced don’t worry about the HOW, set your sail to the horizon of where you want your life. 

Imagine getting on a boat for a long journey. You set sail, and off you go. Along the way, you most assuredly will face rough seas. When you begin the rough journey seas, severe weather is not part of the equation when you decided to set sail. 

The end destination is more important than how we get there! If you had a chance to visit some beautiful faraway island, once in a lifetime opportunity. Would you not go because you MIGHT run into bad weather? Did you not go because you thought the how was more difficult — focusing on the “what if’s” instead of the outcome? 

Logic would suggest you have a plan that includes how. So how do you plot this course change in life without knowing how you’re going to traverse the course to a destination. When you set out on any journey let’s say a storm comes up, do you sail directly through it? No, you may have to recalibrate a new route. 

My point is you don’t know all the “how’s” that will change your course unexpectedly. However, if you worry yourself before you set sail, you’ll stifle any chance of real change! 

I can hear you! “How do you not worry about how?” These are bullet points that will explain: 

 

  • Have a clear definition of the result. Know what you want clearly! 

 

  • Learn to meditate on the result you desire, see it in your mind’s eye. Feel in every part of your being what it would feel like to have achieved that which you want most. 
  • Have unwavering faith it will happen. A prayer might sound like “God you know what I desire in my heart, I have faith you will provide everything I need for that, what you put in my heart to achieve. I don’t know how we will do this; I trust you have the way.
  • Pray for wisdom and guidance.
  • Set realistic expectations. Reach to be sure.

 

 

How to turn from wishful thinking to ACTION:

 

  • What is one step you can take right now to begin your journey? Forget the words significant steps, little steps. Every step forward creates forward momentum. 

 

  • Learn the difference between activity vs. productivity. 
  • Learn to plan your day for production — set reminders for tasks that produce results. Stay on task!
  • Take time to research and put into action what you learn to achieve your desire. Fill yourself as though you’re filling a pitcher with knowledge.
  • When self-doubt and the like hit your noodle, remember this, whatever negative thoughts you’re having it’s temporary. Work through it even when you think you cannot.

 

 

The how will come to you. Take steps every day, and you will begin to gain momentum. 

“When you begin to worry, go find something to do. Get busy being a blessing to someone; do something fruitful. Talking about your problem or sitting alone, thinking about it does no good! It serves only to make you miserable. Above all else, remember that worrying is useless. Worrying will not solve your problem.”–Joyce Meyer

A struggle for everyone.  When everything in your life is overwhelmingly worrisome. So how do we get through that?

When you begin to realize that no matter what you’re going through in life, it’s temporary. If you get flustered stifling any sort of progress the situation stalls or gets worse.

Begin to look at trials and tribulations as a coaching exercise. Learn to realize God is coaching you to become a world-class you! What do coaches do? They train you to go beyond what you believe you can do. Stretch yourself beyond your limiting beliefs.

Life is changing for me. I don’t look at difficulties as a problem, but a learning experience is preparing me to handle anything life can throw at me. Yes, at times, you can feel alone, lost, and defeated. At this moment I think of myself as running dead last in a race. I can choose to fail, or I can run my heart out and win.

God is merely working all of us out. He is training us to handle anything the enemy can throw to disrupt our life. Why can’t God fix my life? He is trying by letting you work through the pain to strengthen your resolve.

It hurts I can’t do it! God never puts more on our plate than we can handle. Hard to understand, but here is the skinny. Get through this because on the other side of pain is your destiny. Bigger and brighter than you can imagine.

Change the way you look at problems. They’re not happening at you they’re happing for you!

Here are some exercises you can do to change your state-of-mind: Crank up some music that gets you dancing. Music can immediately improve your state and put a smile on your face. 

 

  • Breathe. Take 60 seconds or so and breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth, beautiful and relaxing. 

 

  • Pray — nothing like a good prayer. You can hand God the garbage he is ready to be a blessing to you and carry it out. 
  • Meditate. Find the right place to meditate and relax your mind and body.

 

 

Take a walk. Get outdoors and walk to help relieve muscle stress. Throw on some headphones and good music. Change your state-of-mind, and you will change your life. 

Time outdoors can be incredibly cathartic to the soul. Taking in nature, walking by a river, standing on the beach, anywhere that God has touched the landscape. You can look up and happily say to God, “show off.” Smiling in awe of the world around you. 

When you can take these moments to find clarity in your head, good thoughts, new ideas, and fresh perspectives will become the norm. 

One thing that I did put up a bird-feeder. Birds are incredibly funny and beautiful to watch. I have found myself sitting for long periods just enjoying my birds and clearing my head when I’m not trying — just enjoying the moment.

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Sign a Peace Treaty with Yourself Today

“If you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it anywhere else.”–Marvin Gaye

This quote is so accurate. Making peace with yourself is liberating. It’s also authentic if you don’t make peace with yourself, you cannot find it anywhere else.

Self-destructive behavior, depression, will keep you from finding inner peace. So many suffer years without any relief. These and other situations will require some real self-evaluation to get some needed help. There is no substitute for professional advice.

life, love, happy

In working out my own life to find peace with myself. To enjoy myself! Some days are a struggle, but the good news I catch myself so that I can breathe for a moment to remember I am okay.

How I got to this point:

  • Found a sizeable Pastoral Counseling center.
  • Learned to meditate.
  • Read books with self-improvement themes.
  • Read the Book of Proverbs!!!
  • Attend Church, found an excellent bible based church.
  • Pray

This is just a few things I have done. Practice being positive as silly as that might sound. Keep using affirmations over, and over again. It works!

NO matter what you’ve done in your life. If you’re not the same person you were, then don’t sentence yourself to a life of despair. Change and move on. Enjoy a new life and a new you.

It takes a bit of work, but completely worth the time!

Questions or comments: