Over our lifetimes, we can accumulate a landfill of garbage in our heads. This is garbage that has taken a lifetime to gather. However, it is now time to empty the trash, let’s go learn how!
Let me share the same advice with you that my mother bestowed upon me. “It took you a lifetime to break your life, have the patience to allow change to occur.”
She is right; it has taken a lifetime to accumulate so much trash, it may take a garbage bag or a hundred to empty out our noodle. The good news is a lot of the garbage can be taken out never to return simply because you are ready for change. You are right?
What exactly are we talking about, garbage?
You get the idea!
Let’s plot out an action plan for change:
Make the decision you want to change your life. Whatever it is you feel you need to change, decide that today forward no more. The new you is at hand.
Organize your life so that you can feel like you are achieving something every day.
Learn how to quiet your mind. This will take some practice but will be the most fantastic thing you can do for yourself. Use headphones, find some relaxing meditation music, sounds, rain, etc. Turn off anything that will disturb you and on get somewhere no interruptions! Cannot stress that enough. Learn to relax and quiet your mind. This will open your mind and allow you to just relax.
Let God know what you desire and ask for the wisdom to find what you seek.
Get healthy. Walk to relieve tension in your body. When you’re healthy, you will be less fatigued. Your body will respond better to change.
Find something that is NOT about you. Volunteer and help others. Doing something that benefits others has an incredible cathartic result.
Learn to be thankful right where you are. Let God know every day you love what you have. When you are okay where you are. God will see that you can have more than you are ready for more in your life. Gratitude is a wonderfully blissful peace in your mind.
Don’t overload yourself. Pick a couple of things and do them consistently. We stop change because we overwhelm our brains. Believing we must do all this stuff to get a replacement now. Slow down, and change will come more quickly.
Someone shared with me, “the state of my house is in direct correlation with the state of my mind.” Look around for clutter. Get the clutter out of your life. No, it’s not organized its confusion. Desk, car, home, or office. Organize!
When deciding what your life should look like take the following OUT of the equation:
Don’t have the money.
Don’t have the time.
Don’t have the resources.
Don’t have enough education.
Too old or too young.
When framing a new life. Do it from the world is your oyster. You have NO obstacles in the way. I can hear some of you, I don’t have money, I don’t have time!
Learn quickly that in life, you can throw up an obstacle to stifle yourself. If you believe in something enough, PUT FORTH THE WORK TO ATTAIN IT. What you need will come to you someway somehow, even when you see NO idea at all.
Give this to God. Let him see you working diligently, stay in faith. You don’t know how, but you know God will make a way.
Hebrews 11:1-6 King James Version (KJV)
11 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Do everything you can to make your dreams come true. Cannot sit on your duff and expect God to just Miracle a million dollars in your bank. That is called the lottery!
You must condition yourself to release negative thoughts as they enter your mind. This is a pass you need to fumble. Drop the ball, let it go, don’t even try to catch the negative thoughts. Easier said than done, I get it. However, you can acknowledge the idea with a resounding “Delete.”
Meditation helps with this. See yourself happy, loved, and doing the life you want. The big difference in having the experience you wish to versus having a life you are stuck with. None of us are stuck, oh, you might think you are, but you are not! That much I am 100% on.
“The key to forming good habits is to make them part of your ‘rituals.’ I have a morning ritual, afternoon ritual, and Sunday ritual. It’s one way to bundle good habits into regular times that you set aside to prepare yourself for the life you want. Rituals help you form habits.”—Lewis Howes
With no real easy way to tell you this. Your head is going to be at times, your most formidable adversary. Wanting to stay status quo. Comfortable in misery. So much so you don’t feel the pain at a level like the beginning.
Changes in our lives, new paradigms to replace old thought processes is what is needed now. The past will not give up easily. Prepare yourself for a title fight.
If you’re a Christian, the enemy is preparing an attack like you’ve never fought. Why? He wants you to continue miserable. He hopes that you will implode. As we move further in this chapter, I will share with you how I made it through the toughest times.
The enemy will attack you to keep you down. He is afraid of losing you to an excellent team. So he will fight you in the form of:
Depression (not diagnosed or medicated) Just feeling depressed.
Keep your mind on past mistakes.
I am feeling hopeless.
I am reliving the past over-and-over in your head.
Dark thoughts of self-harm.(NEVER AN OPTION)
Working through this will be difficult, and you will be tested. You can and will get through this time.
We are making it easier to understand. We all buck change at work. If a policy changes everyone in the office complains. “Why are they changing, the old way worked.”
Let’s say, for example, you’ve done the same thing, the same way for years-and-years. Change won’t come easy. Excuses like:
I’m too set in my ways.
I’m too old to change now.
Too hard f*&^ it.
Don’t fool yourself into these false statements. You can change, you’re not too old, stop limiting yourself!
“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”—Nelson Mandela
Allow yourself to change. It won’t happen overnight; I can tell you I still fall into traps; however, I can happily report that the bear traps are further apart.
So how do we bring about real change, especially when confronted with real pain? Here is how I brought myself out of the dark:
Learn to quiet your mind. Declutter all the garbage that goes through our minds. Meditation can be life-changing if you practice daily.
Something that seems innocuous has tremendous value — taking times daily to slow your breathing for sixty seconds only. Slows your pulse, helps relax your body, relieve tension. Tension causes aggravation. Breathing several times per day for a minute or so will slow you down.
Do something physical every day. Walk, gym, run, get off your butt, and do something to relieve stress in your body.
Helping others will get you outside yourself. Reminding you that life is not all about you. Be a blessing to someone!
Changing our lives takes time and work. You can’t all a sudden tell God you want to make a million dollars this year, order a Pizza and wait. Sorry life takes real work.
The most important of this is discipline and organization. Set reminders daily to do the tasks laid out in this book. Otherwise, you wake up a week later and go, “crap, I was supposed to meditate every day.”
If you want lasting and real change, fill your calendar with an activity that fosters change.
You are fighting with yourself. I call it kicking your own ass. Your noodle will run from the pain of change. Your mind is falsely convincing you that you cannot change. It’s too hard. Don’t listen to these false prophecies of your life. Years of conditioning will take time to shake off old paradigms.
At times this will seem relentless the attack on you to stay status quo. The enemy will come at you in ways that look as though you cannot win. You will feel alone, like nothing you can do will ever help. Surrender to God. Let him know that you can’t see a way, but you know he will take away.
When I first moved from my home in South Texas to live in West Texas. My ex-wife wanted a divorce that I honestly at the time did not want a divorce. Financially in dire straits, the woman I believed to be my soulmate now gone.
Could not at the time be in more of a dark place. I had so many times thought I had no reason to live. Scary how close that came to pass. For whatever reason, I never acted on dark thoughts. Thank God I did not.
With some lucid moments of I need to start over. I began to think about life without my wife. I decided I would get into Church and try to understand the spiritual side of my life. I was drawn to this need to find a Church home.
After finding a Church that was recommended to me by someone that I trust, I became a regular attendee, most times staying for two of the three Sunday services. Because my head would clutter with such garbage; I was fighting so hard to hear what the Pastor said; it was exhausting.
Most Church services end with a call to give your life to Jesus Christ. To confess, you’re a sinner and that you accept Jesus as your Lord and savior. For a few weeks, I had faithfully attended sitting mostly in the back of the sanctuary.
One Sunday during this altar call; I raised my hand. The Usher came and gave me a CD, and I confessed and prayed the short prayer to accept Jesus Christ. At the end of this part of the service, the Pastor headed across the stage stopped and turned.
He began to say “sir, sir,” not realizing he was trying to get my attention for a moment. As I realized he was trying to get my attention. Pastor Don said to me God had put in his heart for whatever I was doing artistically to keep going, don’t stop.
Here is the real kicker to the story. I had been blogging, take pictures with my camera and stating to myself that for the last half of my life I was going to do what I wanted to do not what I have to do. I wanted to be a freelance writer and photographer.
Not one person in this Church, including the Pastor, knew me from Adam. I stayed to myself and never said as much as a good morning unless first approached.
No way could the Pastor know that I was doing or working on anything artistically. This Pastor stopped in the middle of the ending of this service to tell me that God told him to say to me, keep doing what I love to do.
To say the very least, I was utterly in shock. It took a bit for this to sink in. Nothing in my life to this point was so profound.
This event helped me to go further and keep trying. Freely I admit stumbling and falling post this event. However, remembering that God has come into my life then and several times since then.
When I thought a couple of times all is lost something would happen to show me that even with a Mustard seed of faith left, God would bless me so that I knew he was still protecting me.
My point of this is even in your darkest moment when you see nothing, but my life is worthless not also worth being here. God if you try, if you fight through when you cannot see anything but dark, let God know you are trying to hold on, God will answer.
Today after many events from small to abundant miracles. God has convinced me that if I focus my faith, he will lead me through anything. Now I run after God.
The old me would not have hung in the darkness to realize the blessing. I would have long before quit and moved on. That is the old paradigms I must break. When enough-is-enough, you will change. My time was when I moved to West Texas, once you make that decision, you will be amazed at how life opens for you!
No matter what happens, you cannot quit. Take one more step, always.
Let me share with you why having patience will serve you well.
The dream job of a lifetime is something that you now focus your attention too — searching far and wide for this wonderful job. Some time goes by with nothing happening, and you cannot see any hope.
What you don’t know is that a beautiful person occupies the job you seek; someone that has had a fantastic career, beloved by all at the job. This person is getting ready to retire; the job will come available for you to apply for and get!
This person is another thirty days from retirement, and well-deserved retirement. God has you in mind so that this job will cross your path. Your search has gone on for five months with no results, so you quit thirty days before the position of a lifetime comes available.
Your focus moves on to something else, and the Universe moves on because you did.
Stay in faith even when you don’t see a way God is making a way. You won’t know what is having to take place in front of you before God can move this part of your destiny to unfold for you. The Universe won’t cut you in line. So have patience!
Here is the real kicker that will blow your mind. You can’t move yet because God is blessing someone you don’t know with something you currently have. He is driving your life around to be a blessing for someone you don’t even know.
Point is none of us know. So why stress over a fair outcome that may take a little more time. How many times have you quit than if you had not your life might be completely different? Think about that. Patience can make all the difference in your life. Faith, Hope, resolve, need to be your mantra!
A chapter from my book Tying It All Together. Click the book cover to see all my works on Amazon.
Waiting for you is your life. Let me explain. If, at this moment, you’re not completely happy with your life, let me give you the piece of the puzzle that is lacking.
Faith breaks open all the bondage of life that is holding you back. It’s that simple. We’ve talked about in previous articles that life is simple, WE put our head, ego, and fear in the equation to stifle growth.
I love the quote from Lisa Nichols, “you gotta know like you know like you know.”
What this means is unwavering faith that everything will be okay! That what you need will come to pass. Training ourselves to not waiver when everything looks black. Nothing is definite except imminent doom. That dear friend is the enemy throwing his hardest punch to get you to quit. When on the other side of this fear is your life.
Conquering fear of letting go and letting God was, for me, one of the hardest changes to make in my life. No, I am not 100% with this at all. However, when I waiver, my mind does come back and say, “Hey, wait a minute.” Catching myself before I thoroughly toss out and give up is less and less as time moves along.
Old paradigms can be tossed out with time and attention. New beliefs can arise.
Here is the big kicker!
When you see absolutely no way, everything is dark, this is when you MUST hold strong in faith. The enemy will test your faith beyond what your mind conceives as no hope. This is when you dig in and let God know you don’t see a way, but you know in your heart he can make a way!
Times where I have just let God know he has me. I trust all will be well. Believe and do the work before me. You cannot just sit on your backside to do what is necessary to achieve that which you desire. God will come through when it’s time for him to go through, not a second sooner. Give God that faith, and he will move mountains for you!
Anyone that tells you “you can’t do that” is telling you they can’t do that. Think about this the only two people that know if you can or cannot. Is you and God. You show him the work and faith. He will come through. I was overwhelmed recently with an abundance of beautiful blessings. It actually scared me. So I took some time to realign my thoughts to trust in God.
I know I am ready to receive all that God has for me. It’s taken time to allow myself to have blind faith. When I do amazing things happen for me, and I look into the clouds where I believe God resides in the shadows looking out for me. Just my thing!
Changing your life requires faith and strength. We are all stronger than we believe we are. That is the first hurdle. You are stronger than you think you are by a long way. Marathon runners hit the wall in the last ten or so miles of a marathon. The wall is a figment of the imagination that you’re done, you’re injured when in fact you are not. Proven study after study. It’s all in your mind. Faith is the same principle. Bust through the wall, and you will finish.
Don’t you sometimes wish that you could tie everything in your life together? Career, relationships, marriage, and parenting. That all these aspects of your life to harmoniously work. Instead, our lives get fragmented, one minute our job is on top of the world, the next we’re in divorce court. Nothing ever seems to run hitting on all eight cylinders running smoothly. The trouble is one part of our life can crater with a trickle-down in all other areas of our life.
I can’t | I don’t have
“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”—Thomas A. Edison
First, we get out of our language anything to do with lack. The “I can’t” or “I don’t have” is not part of the English language of your new life.
Second, nay Sayers are just that. People who can’t do a thing themselves and naturally you can’t either if you listen to that bilge. What you’re now looking for are Mentors, people who uplift you.
Throughout history, people have done things that others said could not be done. Or invented products that folks needed. All the while, naysayers are “It can’t be done.” Horse hockey!
Limiting beliefs placed in our sub-conscious over years of saying I can’t. Also not limited to just that phrase. Years and years of self-defeating language has us convinced we cannot.
Dogpile on top of that, family, friends, managers, whomever, telling you that you don’t have what it takes, you don’t have the education, people who do that are gifted. What? You can teach yourself anything.
Okay, I give. You can’t teach yourself to be a brain surgeon. My point with this statement is I doubt you’re looking to become a brain surgeon, don’t overthink what your ability can or cannot achieve. Start, try, give it a shot, jump, swim, begin is the point!
So, in this chapter, we’re going to start replacing limiting language and thoughts. How you say, well I have an answer to that. Without this step in the process, later in the book, you will have more difficulty if you don’t make the changes now.
What do we have to change:
Replace limiting thoughts with thoughts of okay how do I achieve this (the what is irrelevant at this point).
Be aware of the language, the words that we use. I can’t, is NO longer a word in your mind’s dictionary. Don’t worry; I am going to share how to get rid of this stuff.
Self-defeating actions. Self-sabotage, and worst of all, procrastination.
There is a lot more to the life changes than just the three I listed. You get a general idea. As we move through chapters, we will cover a great deal more ground.
For many years we teach ourselves unknowingly that we can’t achieve certain things. Limiting beliefs are ingrained in our subconscious mind over the years. Taking the time now to change this old habit and create new ones will take work and time.
What I have found that helps me declutter my mind so that I can see myself in a better state-of-mind, meditation. Learning to meditate can get you back in touch with your inner self.
Getting rid of limiting beliefs takes retraining our mind not once to say, “I can’t do that.”
“I don’t have what it takes to achieve this.” In your meditation practice, you begin to see yourself through your mind’s eye in the place you want to be — not just a physical place, but where you see yourself emotionally.
Our brain will tell us to run from something that raises our stress level. It’s like what Marathon runners experience when they hit what is called the wall. That point late in the race where the brain is saying you can’t make another step, stop, your mind is telling you that your legs are injured. Push past this without risk of injury to your body.
Studies that prove it’s the brain talking to you, not physical injury. Pushing through this emotional wall is possible.
This bond your brain has with flight will be hard to break. Meditation is a daily practice. It’s the best way I have found to quiet my mind so I can reprogram my thoughts for growth, not defeat.
Let’s cover a few points on how easy it is to begin to meditate before you start if you have a spouse or partner have them give you a brief shoulder neck massage before beginning your practice — the tension out of your body as much as possible.
“Everything that’s created comes out of silence. Your thoughts emerge from the nothingness of silence. Your words come out of this void. Your very essence emerged from emptiness. All creativity requires some stillness.”—Wayne Dyer
Pick a time when you can have thirty minutes to an hour to yourself. With no interruption. My favorite place is my bedroom. I can either sit on the floor with my back to the bed or lay down (don’t fall asleep).
Music playing, outdoor sounds, ocean, rain, can be calming and help you relax. It’s best if you can use headphones. You can find lots of cool stuff on YouTube® that’s commercial-free. I find that with headphones, I can concentrate my mind more sharply.
Take several deep cleansing breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. It helps clear your body and ease tension.
Then with the eye’s closed in a relaxed posture. Breathe. Follow your breathing with your mind, nice slow breaths filling your body with oxygen. It’s good to feel your belly as it moves up and down. Get a rhythm.
Begin to relax your feet, move up your legs into your hips, and let your body go. Breathe and relax all the tension out of your body. Just focus for a time on relaxing your body.
As you relax feel yourself floating, imagine your light enough to float on clouds.
When relaxed and breathing rhythmically. Begin to focus your minds-eye towards happiness. See yourself happy. That can take any form you like. Use your imagination to see yourself happy. What is something YOU love to do? What makes you the most comfortable. It could be from childhood or adulthood: no right or wrong way, just a happy place.
Placing your mind there now begins to allow that emotion to fill your body. Feel it from the balls of your feet to the crown of your head. Feel happiness; fill your body. Allow yourself to be in this bliss. Stay as-long-as you like.
As you begin to come out of your meditation, slowly allow your body to unwind, let go of any thought and be in the moment. Open your eyes and smile.
Begin this process tonight! What you will learn in this book is we act now, not tomorrow! Procrastination is not in our vocabulary anymore. Begin today, please, and thank you.
If you want to make it through times when you will hit the Marathon wall, and it’s like you just got hit by a Mack truck, you must train to overcome what we will have to face as you begin this process.
You will have challenges to be sure. Don’t worry; our emotional training starts here. You will find the strength. So exciting.
Years and years of Garbage is overflowing your mind. This book is a garbage truck.
The “I can’t” do this or that. Who says? 99% of the time you. How do you know if you’re not even willing to try? Saying this to yourself, I can’t is conditioned into your mind so profoundly that you believe whatever your head is telling you. Hard to imagine that we can lie to ourselves unknowingly. It’s packaged to a negative response you accept.
We’ve all heard the story of breaking the four-minute mile. Once achieved, then many athletes now can claim they can run four-minute miles.
“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”—Nelson Mandela
Twenty years ago, if you would have asked anyone in my family, do you think Robert will write books years from now. They would have laughed until they peed their pants. Not even my friends would have believed this to be true.
Fear is also going to hold you back. We all fear failure. The difference between success and failure is people stop because they get scared. “I have a family I can’t risk failure!” Ask yourself if you have enough money to stand a year-long layoff (heaven forbid) if tomorrow your company said we’re cutting back?
We’re all a paycheck away from disaster most of our lives. So, don’t use this as an excuse.
What if I could show you a way to conquer fear enough to allow you to formulate a plan to save your life, strengthen your family, and will enable you to walk with peace-of-mind. Be great, wouldn’t it?
Okay, follow along.
Everything you’ve learned in life plays it safe; I am going to teach you how to play it smart.
Stop buying the sack of manure you sell yourself every day that you can’t. Get the I’m shy; I’m weak, I’m feeble, get that the hell out of your vocabulary.
Every time you say I can’t, take a rubber band and pop the crap out of your arm. However, take a moment to say that it was the old me, the NEW ME CAN! I can be happy; I can be in shape, I can learn more, I can have a happy marriage, I can have great kids, I can, I can, I can!
If you screw up guess what you’re not alone. Acknowledge, you had a time of weakness but your back. Guess what you can make a mistake and get right back on track. Right now, I want you to stop and run a mile as fast as you can no walking. Could you do it! Probably not is my guess. Could you if you trained for a month or so? Sure.
You’re not going to overcome this the first time. You’re not going to change without practice. Set in your phone reminders that buzz, ding, ring, whatever. Tell yourself to smile, or be strong, put an affirmation as a reminder.
Put all the good in your noodle today that you can plunge into your brain. Guess what we do this over and over. Day after day!
Shy people hello. Man are we going to need to get outside our comfort zone. Fear not time to train. How can we overcome fear?
“People who ask confidently get more than those who are hesitant and uncertain. When you’ve figured out what you want to ask for, do it with certainty, boldness, and confidence. Don’t be shy or feel intimidated by the experience. You may face some unexpected criticism but be prepared for it with confidence.”—Jack Canfield
Here are some fun ideas:
Find social meetups. Places that you can go to a book club, movie review club anywhere that you must socially interact with friendly people. Nice folks won’t eat you I promise.
The best way to get outside yourself is to help someone in need. It can even be an animal shelter. Put yourself in situations where you can gain strength. Social interaction helping someone is a blessing beyond words. Single parents take your kids.
Go to Yoga, meditation classes; take a cooking class.
Finding ways to strengthen our life resolve is just a matter of getting off our butt and doing it. I wish I could say something or give you a pill. My friends, we must work to achieve. Good news, it’s not hard, most of these costs no money.
Through your meditation practice, when you visualize yourself, see yourself healthy, assertive, and happy. Show your subconscious what you want it will manifest for you. Take this to prayer, let God know you no longer say I can’t, or I don’t have.
God will supply abundance in all areas of your life. Keep in mind this is not about starting a business, jobs, or material things. Yes, it’s a part of if you want it to be. This book is teaching you how to have an all-encompassing life. Mind, Body, Soul.
When you find yourself in a difficult situation, go to God in prayer, let him know that you need help, what I do when times in my head get dark. I say, “God has me” over and over. Eventually, I get calm.
In times of stress, let God know you’re not losing anymore. Power your way through. Even if you see no hope at all, hold onto hope with blind faith. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Talking later in the book, we will do an entire chapter on Resources vs. Resourcefulness. When you can master how to be resourceful the I can’t, and I don’t will go straight out the window. Also, strengthen your ability to fend off fear.
Fear manifests when you don’t have a solution. Then your mind starts to say “oh boy we’re going to crash” and away your head goes, and down you go. Think about being able to on command say “I have an app for that” metaphorically speaking.
You can know in your heart that today; an answer does not exist. Give me some time to sort this out and away you go. Having that knowledge to, in a sense, trick your mind into saying “we got this” will give you the inner strength to overcome any obstacle.
Get out of your head quitting is an option for anything other than bad habits. What this article will help with is not stopping the good stuff just because it seems too hard. It’s only hard because your brain is telling you that it is, just like it would when running a Marathon and you hit the wall.
Most of us know that Marathon runners hit what’s called “The Wall” where your brain starts telling you that “you can’t go more, you’re hurt,” “your body can’t take more.” When in fact studies show none of that to be true. Pushing through this is how you finish the race.
The brain will develop over years of conditioning run from the first sign of pain. Your mind will tell you “no, don’t do more,” this is futile. The natural response is to move you away from pain. When in fact it’s just like training. When you go to the gym for the first time and work out hard with that comes to suffering from not having worked out in a very long time.
The soreness from working out hard can be extreme. The same principle applies to retrain the brain that you are okay. It will hurt, your mind will tell you that what you’re trying is impossible. It is not, nothing could be further from the truth.
Many times, throughout this last year, I have wanted to give up. I kept saying to God, “I’m not losing anymore.” Over-and-over again I would say those words. Frustrated, I kept moving forward even when I saw absolutely no reason to keep going when you dig in and maintain forward momentum.
Just like working out, the soreness goes away with time. It’s not easy, but it does get better, and you become wiser.
God is like a coach when you feel as though you can’t go on, keep moving. When you show God, you can handle where you are; the blessings will come in abundance. Just stay in faith that even though you cannot see a way, a way is being made!
Not being able to predict the future frustrates us all. Having faith when you cannot see what is ahead, or your brain is telling you disaster. For most, this is where they crumble. The difference in winning and losing can be just taking one more step.
If you get knocked down, get up! Look for ways to improvise, adapt, and overcome your situation. More than one way to finish anything! Just because you chose a wrong path does not mean you can’t find the right one. If you quit, you never will.
Fight or flight will always kick in when you need it not too. Fight, stay in the game, and work your way through.