How to Deal with a Defiant Child

April 28, 2023April 29, 2023 / Robert Bruton / Leave a comment

Every parent has experienced it at some point: their child is being defiant. They’re not listening, they’re arguing, and they’re just plain being difficult. It can be frustrating and even downright scary, but it’s important to remember that defiant behavior is a normal part of childhood development.

blond girl sitting on a sandy beach and sun reflecting in the sea — Photo by Olya Harytovich on Pexels.com

What is defiant behavior?

Defiant behavior is any behavior that is intentionally disobedient or disrespectful. It can include things like arguing, yelling, refusing to follow instructions, and being verbally or physically aggressive. Defiant behavior is most common in children ages 2 to 8 but can also occur in older children and adolescents.

What causes defiant behavior?

Many factors can contribute to defiant behavior, including:

Developmental factors: As children grow and develop, they constantly learn and test boundaries. Defiant behavior can be a way for them to assert their independence and figure out where they fit in the world.
Environmental factors: Children exposed to violence, abuse, or neglect are more likely to exhibit defiant behavior.
Genetic factors: Some studies have shown that there may be a genetic component to defiant behavior.

How to deal with a defiant child

If you are dealing with a defiant child, there are a few things you can do to help:

Set clear expectations and rules. Ensure your child knows what is expected of them and the consequences if they don’t follow the rules.
Be consistent with discipline. It’s essential to be compatible with the field, even when difficult. If you don’t follow through with consequences, your child will learn they can get away with defiant behavior.
Use positive reinforcement. When your child does something suitable, be sure to praise them. This will help them to associate good behavior with positive consequences.
Avoid power struggles. When your child is defiant, avoiding power struggles is essential. If you argue with your child, it will only escalate the situation.
Seek professional help. If you are struggling to deal with your child’s defiant behavior, it may be helpful to seek professional help. A therapist can teach you how to manage your child’s behavior and help you to develop a positive relationship with them.

Remember, defiant behavior is a normal part of childhood development. However, with patience and consistency, you can help your child overcome unruly behavior and learn to behave more positively.

Here are some activities parents can engage in with a defiant child to better gain trust and social validation:

One-on-one time: Make sure to spend one-on-one time with your child daily. This could be anything from reading a book together to playing a game. This will help your child feel special and loved and give you a chance to connect with them on a personal level.
Positive reinforcement: When your child does something suitable, praise them. This will help them to associate good behavior with positive consequences. For example, you could say, “I’m so proud of you for putting your toys away without being asked.”
Problem-solving: When your child is defiant, try to help them solve the problem. This will help them to learn how to manage their emotions and behavior more positively. For example, if your child refuses to go to bed, you could say, “I know you’re tired, but it’s time for bed. Let’s discuss what you can do to make bedtime more enjoyable.”
Empathy: Try to see things from your child’s perspective. This will help you understand why they behave the way they are. For example, if your child refuses to go to school, you could say, “I know you’re scared of going to school, but I promise you’ll be safe there. I’ll walk you to class and stay until you feel comfortable.”
Be patient: Building trust and social validation with a defiant child take time. So be patient and consistent with your efforts; eventually, you will see progress.

It is also important to remember that you are not alone. There are many resources available to help parents deal with defiant children. If you are struggling, please reach out for help.

woman and child playing on green grass field near mountain — Photo by jonas mohamadi on Pexels.com

Resources vs. Resourcefulness

December 3, 2019May 18, 2020 / Robert Bruton / Leave a comment

“Infuse your life with action. Don’t wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Make your future. Make your hope. Make your love. And whatever your beliefs, honor your creator, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what you can to make grace happen… yourself, right now, right down here on Earth.”—Bradley Whitford

In my research, the one common denominator that stood out to me more than anything. Peoples fear a lack of resources. We don’t have the right equipment. I don’t have a proper education. We don’t have enough money.

All great excuses if you don’t want to win. Throw in the towel before you even get in the ring.

Let’s dispel a few things.

The definition of resourcefulness as it appears in the dictionary:

noun

the ability to find quick and smart ways to overcome difficulties.

“his films show remarkable technical resourcefulness.”

You are learning to become clever. If you say you can’t be clever, I am going to scream.

Yes, you can!

Let’s work a couple of scenarios:

You want to start a photography business. You have no gear or at least not too much.

Some of the gorgeous photographs taken with a smartphone. Apple®, for example, has photo contests for its products.
Have you seen how many commercials shot on the phone? YouTube®
Pentax® introduced a new point-n-shoot and shot all the national promotional commercials with it.
Rent gear. Several cool shops offer this service for any camera you can think of including Cinema cameras. I should know I rent equipment all the time.
Free editing software. I use an editor called Resolve®. It’s free and very robust. Even pay software is not that expensive to use.

With a little research, you can get smart enough to start your business. Besides, most great videographers prefer simple equipment. You don’t need a $50,000 camera to shoot incredible shots. It’s the eye, not the gear! The expensive gear will come, be great the gear companies will come to you!

How about relationships. Who says you can’t find the right person? Say your supper, shy. Social occasions, you freeze, cold sweats, and disaster.

In chapter one, we learned volunteers. Do something you are passionate about that helps people. My guess is you do something in your life that you do well, and the shy you fade away. Helping others is a great way to get out of your head.
Teach people something. You can go to the library and offer a class. Can you potty train a puppy, do you cook well, can you bowl, what can you do that you could teach someone else to do?
Read to kids at the library. Kids are funny and will keep you on your toes.

Find something that will help you strengthen yourself to have confidence. Then we go out and tackle the big fish. Use things you’re comfortable to do to help you develop.

Most people I meet that are shy are afraid of social interaction. Why? Because of a lack of being in that environment. I get there are clinical issues that can go beyond this simple process. What I am suggesting is if you’re comfortable, to try simple things like volunteering. It’s easy to exit these situations if needed.

The more we can put ourselves in situations that allow us to grow from our fear. The less likely we are to fail.

Resourcefulness is fun to challenge the mind to find solutions to the impossible. My favorite comeback when asked what I am doing at work; “I am making Ice Cream out of dog shit.” Talk about resourceful, forget about it.

However, let’s stop for a second. You would have to be resourceful to make ice cream out of dog poo. The extreme that I want to take you too. If we lack in resources, then we better learn to make this ice cream.

How pray-tell do we achieve this smelly task, you ask? Knowledge, read, research, we learn how. Did you know that Warren Buffet reads much of his day? Other veracious readers include Bill Gates and Mark Cuban. My thinking is if these guys gather this much knowledge, seeing what level of success they enjoy. Well, there is something to the power of education.

When we have a lack of resources, maybe gaining knowledge that shows us how to be resourceful to overcome an obstacle will serve us well. Even if we have the resources, would you not prefer to solve a problem vs. writing a check cleverly?

Something I have learned along the way about having funding for a business. Of course, who would not want a million in the bank to begin a business? However, many who start a business with funding often fail. It makes you complacent. Take more risks in advertising, or we need this piece of equipment. When reality says no, you don’t.

Let me share something with you that I thought was one of the most profound statements ever. Robert Stephens, the founder of Geek Squad®, made this vague statement; “Advertising is the TAX you pay for being Unremarkable!”

What does advertising do it begs people to buy your stuff cheaper than anyone else? Have you ever seen a Cartier® commercial that says; THIS SATURDAY ONLY WE’RE BLOWING OUT ALL OUR ENGAGEMENT RINGS AT 50% OFF OUR LOWEST PRICE. Are you kidding me? Cartier® does not even open the store on Saturdays. If you can’t come during the week, you can’t afford to shop there. Moreover, they’re remarkable!

Think about that metaphorically. You could apply this statement for every aspect of your life.

Are you remarkable?

Remarkable Human Being
Remarkable Spouse
Exceptional Parent
Outstanding health

This statement speaks to resourcefulness. People are much more impressed with cleverness than they are any amount of money.

I could hire a ghostwriter, or I can write my books myself. Writing requires me to be smart. If I can’t keep you engaged in the book, I won’t sell to many. Amid this, I still hold down and everyday Joe job that is a stepping stone to my new life.

Learning to become resourceful will help you gain a great many new skills when no choice exists but to do something or try something. As you journey into that abyss, you will retain more because your focus is more.

You can teach yourself to do just about anything. The question is how bad you want your dreams to come true. Are you willing to invest in your success? The question applies to any aspect of your life. A great deal of what I’m writing sounds like a business success story. This information is all-encompassing.

The only way you can ever expect to win is to have more knowledge than the other guy. Allow you the resourcefulness to amaze. When you can solve issues without having to buy your way out or in, my friend that is genius. Who would you do business with a talent or a dude that has a lot of money (keep in mind money comes and goes)? The genius has a higher long-term yield.

Apply this to a relationship. Who will win the girl? The clever man or the guy with money? The clever man will have to work much harder and do even more spectacular things to win a girl’s affection. A good woman is going to weigh out and respect more the guy who must come up with unique ways to make the girl feel special. Money might buy you a good time, may purchase good food, but a resourceful guy wins over the heart.

If people can see your ability to solve problems consistently, that will take you to the finish line every time! Money comes and goes. Intelligence if forever.

I go back to the photography business. It’s not the gear; it’s the photographer’s eye. You can see the subject in a way that inspires. You can give a $50,000 camera to someone that never guarantees a Pulitzer prize. For that matter, a decent photo.

Being resourceful solving issues, seeing life in a way that you embrace challenge you don’t freeze because things get tough. Seeing the opportunity in all things is our minds destination. For years, I did not, and gave up. No more!

Today I am always looking at how to improve a bad situation. Looking to be resourceful helps me hone my skills.

This is a Chapter out of Tying it All Together. Link to Amazon

Tying it All Together

June 29, 2019August 8, 2020 / Robert Bruton / Leave a comment

My latest book on Amazon. Tying it All Together

Don’t you sometimes wish that you could tie everything in your life together? Career, relationships, marriage, and parenting. That all these aspects of your life to harmoniously work. Instead, our lives get fragmented, one minute our job is on top of the world, the next we’re in divorce court. Nothing ever seems to run hitting on all eight cylinders running smoothly. The trouble is one part of our life can crater with a trickle-down in all other areas of our life.

Chapter 1

I can’t | I don’t have

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”—Thomas A. Edison

First, we get out of our language anything to do with lack. The “I can’t” or “I don’t have” is not part of the English language of your new life.

Second, nay Sayers are just that. People who can’t do a thing themselves and naturally you can’t either if you listen to that bilge. What you’re now looking for are Mentors, people who uplift you.

Throughout history, people have done things that others said could not be done. Or invented products that folks needed. All the while, naysayers are “It can’t be done.” Horse hockey!

Limiting beliefs placed in our sub-conscious over years of saying I can’t. Also not limited to just that phrase. Years and years of self-defeating language has us convinced we cannot.

Dogpile on top of that, family, friends, managers, whomever, telling you that you don’t have what it takes, you don’t have the education, people who do that are gifted. What? You can teach yourself anything.

Okay, I give. You can’t teach yourself to be a brain surgeon. My point with this statement is I doubt you’re looking to become a brain surgeon, don’t overthink what your ability can or cannot achieve. Start, try, give it a shot, jump, swim, begin is the point!

So, in this chapter, we’re going to start replacing limiting language and thoughts. How you say, well I have an answer to that. Without this step in the process, later in the book, you will have more difficulty if you don’t make the changes now.

What do we have to change:

Replace limiting thoughts with thoughts of okay how do I achieve this (the what is irrelevant at this point).
Be aware of the language, the words that we use. I can’t, is NO longer a word in your mind’s dictionary. Don’t worry; I am going to share how to get rid of this stuff.
Self-defeating actions. Self-sabotage, and worst of all, procrastination.

There is a lot more to the life changes than just the three I listed. You get a general idea. As we move through chapters, we will cover a great deal more ground.

For many years we teach ourselves unknowingly that we can’t achieve certain things. Limiting beliefs are ingrained in our subconscious mind over the years. Taking the time now to change this old habit and create new ones will take work and time.

What I have found that helps me declutter my mind so that I can see myself in a better state-of-mind, meditation. Learning to meditate can get you back in touch with your inner self.

Getting rid of limiting beliefs takes retraining our mind not once to say, “I can’t do that.”
“I don’t have what it takes to achieve this.” In your meditation practice, you begin to see yourself through your mind’s eye in the place you want to be — not just a physical place, but where you see yourself emotionally.

Our brain will tell us to run from something that raises our stress level. It’s like what Marathon runners experience when they hit what is called the wall. That point late in the race where the brain is saying you can’t make another step, stop, your mind is telling you that your legs are injured. Push past this without risk of injury to your body.

Studies that prove it’s the brain talking to you, not physical injury. Pushing through this emotional wall is possible.

This bond your brain has with flight will be hard to break. Meditation is a daily practice. It’s the best way I have found to quiet my mind so I can reprogram my thoughts for growth, not defeat.

Let’s cover a few points on how easy it is to begin to meditate before you start if you have a spouse or partner have them give you a brief shoulder neck massage before beginning your practice — the tension out of your body as much as possible.

“Everything that’s created comes out of silence. Your thoughts emerge from the nothingness of silence. Your words come out of this void. Your very essence emerged from emptiness. All creativity requires some stillness.”—Wayne Dyer

Let’s begin:

Pick a time when you can have thirty minutes to an hour to yourself. With no interruption. My favorite place is my bedroom. I can either sit on the floor with my back to the bed or lay down (don’t fall asleep).
Music playing, outdoor sounds, ocean, rain, can be calming and help you relax. It’s best if you can use headphones. You can find lots of cool stuff on YouTube® that’s commercial-free. I find that with headphones, I can concentrate my mind more sharply.
Take several deep cleansing breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. It helps clear your body and ease tension.
Then with the eye’s closed in a relaxed posture. Breathe. Follow your breathing with your mind, nice slow breaths filling your body with oxygen. It’s good to feel your belly as it moves up and down. Get a rhythm.
Begin to relax your feet, move up your legs into your hips, and let your body go. Breathe and relax all the tension out of your body. Just focus for a time on relaxing your body.
As you relax feel yourself floating, imagine your light enough to float on clouds.
When relaxed and breathing rhythmically. Begin to focus your minds-eye towards happiness. See yourself happy. That can take any form you like. Use your imagination to see yourself happy. What is something YOU love to do? What makes you the most comfortable. It could be from childhood or adulthood: no right or wrong way, just a happy place.
Placing your mind there now begins to allow that emotion to fill your body. Feel it from the balls of your feet to the crown of your head. Feel happiness; fill your body. Allow yourself to be in this bliss. Stay as-long-as you like.
As you begin to come out of your meditation, slowly allow your body to unwind, let go of any thought and be in the moment. Open your eyes and smile.
Begin this process tonight! What you will learn in this book is we act now, not tomorrow! Procrastination is not in our vocabulary anymore. Begin today, please, and thank you.

If you want to make it through times when you will hit the Marathon wall, and it’s like you just got hit by a Mack truck, you must train to overcome what we will have to face as you begin this process.

You will have challenges to be sure. Don’t worry; our emotional training starts here. You will find the strength. So exciting.

Years and years of Garbage is overflowing your mind. This book is a garbage truck.

The “I can’t” do this or that. Who says? 99% of the time you. How do you know if you’re not even willing to try? Saying this to yourself, I can’t is conditioned into your mind so profoundly that you believe whatever your head is telling you. Hard to imagine that we can lie to ourselves unknowingly. It’s packaged to a negative response you accept.

We’ve all heard the story of breaking the four-minute mile. Once achieved, then many athletes now can claim they can run four-minute miles.

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”—Nelson Mandela

Twenty years ago, if you would have asked anyone in my family, do you think Robert will write books years from now. They would have laughed until they peed their pants. Not even my friends would have believed this to be true.

Fear is also going to hold you back. We all fear failure. The difference between success and failure is people stop because they get scared. “I have a family I can’t risk failure!” Ask yourself if you have enough money to stand a year-long layoff (heaven forbid) if tomorrow your company said we’re cutting back?

We’re all a paycheck away from disaster most of our lives. So, don’t use this as an excuse.

What if I could show you a way to conquer fear enough to allow you to formulate a plan to save your life, strengthen your family, and will enable you to walk with peace-of-mind. Be great, wouldn’t it?

Okay, follow along.

Everything you’ve learned in life plays it safe; I am going to teach you how to play it smart.

Stop buying the sack of manure you sell yourself every day that you can’t. Get the I’m shy; I’m weak, I’m feeble, get that the hell out of your vocabulary.

How?

Every time you say I can’t, take a rubber band and pop the crap out of your arm. However, take a moment to say that it was the old me, the NEW ME CAN! I can be happy; I can be in shape, I can learn more, I can have a happy marriage, I can have great kids, I can, I can, I can!

If you screw up guess what you’re not alone. Acknowledge, you had a time of weakness but your back. Guess what you can make a mistake and get right back on track. Right now, I want you to stop and run a mile as fast as you can no walking. Could you do it! Probably not is my guess. Could you if you trained for a month or so? Sure.

You’re not going to overcome this the first time. You’re not going to change without practice. Set in your phone reminders that buzz, ding, ring, whatever. Tell yourself to smile, or be strong, put an affirmation as a reminder.

Put all the good in your noodle today that you can plunge into your brain. Guess what we do this over and over. Day after day!

Shy people hello. Man are we going to need to get outside our comfort zone. Fear not time to train. How can we overcome fear?

“People who ask confidently get more than those who are hesitant and uncertain. When you’ve figured out what you want to ask for, do it with certainty, boldness, and confidence. Don’t be shy or feel intimidated by the experience. You may face some unexpected criticism but be prepared for it with confidence.”—Jack Canfield

Here are some fun ideas:

Find social meetups. Places that you can go to a book club, movie review club anywhere that you must socially interact with friendly people. Nice folks won’t eat you I promise.
The best way to get outside yourself is to help someone in need. It can even be an animal shelter. Put yourself in situations where you can gain strength. Social interaction helping someone is a blessing beyond words. Single parents take your kids.
Go to Yoga, meditation classes; take a cooking class.

Finding ways to strengthen our life resolve is just a matter of getting off our butt and doing it. I wish I could say something or give you a pill. My friends, we must work to achieve. Good news, it’s not hard, most of these costs no money.

Through your meditation practice, when you visualize yourself, see yourself healthy, assertive, and happy. Show your subconscious what you want it will manifest for you. Take this to prayer, let God know you no longer say I can’t, or I don’t have.

God will supply abundance in all areas of your life. Keep in mind this is not about starting a business, jobs, or material things. Yes, it’s a part of if you want it to be. This book is teaching you how to have an all-encompassing life. Mind, Body, Soul.

When you find yourself in a difficult situation, go to God in prayer, let him know that you need help, what I do when times in my head get dark. I say, “God has me” over and over. Eventually, I get calm.

In times of stress, let God know you’re not losing anymore. Power your way through. Even if you see no hope at all, hold onto hope with blind faith. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Talking later in the book, we will do an entire chapter on Resources vs. Resourcefulness. When you can master how to be resourceful the I can’t, and I don’t will go straight out the window. Also, strengthen your ability to fend off fear.

Fear manifests when you don’t have a solution. Then your mind starts to say “oh boy we’re going to crash” and away your head goes, and down you go. Think about being able to on command say “I have an app for that” metaphorically speaking.

You can know in your heart that today; an answer does not exist. Give me some time to sort this out and away you go. Having that knowledge to, in a sense, trick your mind into saying “we got this” will give you the inner strength to overcome any obstacle.

Click on the book cover to view on Amazon:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this: