trust

Giving: Between You and God, Not a Dollar Score

/ Robert Bruton / Leave a comment

1. God Sees the Heart — Not the Amount

From Genesis to Revelation, Scripture shows that God measures the heart, not the size of the gift.
When Jesus watched people giving in the temple, He didn’t praise the wealthy donors — He honored a poor widow.

“She put in two small coins, yet she gave more than all the rest. For they gave out of their abundance, but she, out of her poverty, put in all she had to live on.”
— Luke 21:1–4

That story shatters the idea that God keeps a dollar scoreboard.
Her gift had no financial power — it was the faith behind it that moved heaven and earth.
Faithful giving is an act of trust and worship, not a transaction.

2. Giving Is Between You and God Alone

Jesus made it clear that your giving is private, sacred, and personal — between you and God.

“When you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees in secret, will reward you.”
— Matthew 6:3–4

That means:

  • It’s not for show.
  • It’s not about impressing a pastor or congregation.
  • And it’s definitely not a negotiation for a blessing.

Your generosity becomes a holy conversation between your soul and your Creator — a reflection of gratitude, faith, and love, not a financial strategy.

3. Blessing Comes Through Faith, Not Finances

Nowhere in Scripture does God say, “Give Me money, and I’ll give you more back.”
Instead, He says, “Believe, and you will see My glory.”

“Without faith it is impossible to please God.”
— Hebrews 11:6

Faith opens the door to blessing — not money.
If blessings could be bought, they would no longer be a gift of grace.
Grace means unearned favor; it’s God’s goodness given freely, not bought with tithes or “seed offerings.”

“You cannot serve both God and money.”
— Matthew 6:24

The so-called “prosperity gospel” confuses cause and effect.
Faith doesn’t grow because you give more money — faith gives because you trust God more.

4. God’s Economy Is Not a Business Transaction

Some preachers teach that giving money is like investing — “sow this seed, and God will multiply it.”
But that’s not how God’s kingdom works. God doesn’t run a financial exchange. He runs on love, trust, and obedience.

“Freely you have received; freely give.”
— Matthew 10:8

If someone tells you that you must give money to be healed, to get a breakthrough, or to earn favor — that’s spiritual manipulation, not Scripture.

The truth is simple:

  • You cannot buy a blessing.
  • You cannot pay for faith.
  • You cannot purchase God’s favor.
    What God wants is your heart — not your wallet.

5. God’s True Reward

God blesses faith, humility, and obedience.
Sometimes blessings are material, but often they’re peace, strength, guidance, or joy — things money could never buy.

“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
— Matthew 6:33

When you walk by faith and not by sight, you position yourself for real blessing — the kind that lasts eternally, not temporarily.
You don’t give to get; you give because you already have — grace, salvation, mercy, and love.

6. The Early Church Understood This

The first Christians didn’t give to earn divine returns. They gave because they were transformed.
They understood that generosity was a natural outflow of gratitude.
They lived as if everything they owned already belonged to God.

“All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need.”
— Acts 2:44–45

That wasn’t forced giving or seed planting — it was faith in action. They did not seek to be blessed, but because they already were.

7. The Real Measure of Generosity

God is not counting dollars; He’s counting love, faith, and compassion.
A heart that gives out of faith is infinitely more valuable than a hand that provides out of guilt or fear.

World’s ViewGod’s View
Give more, get more.Believe more, trust more.
Dollars measure devotionFaith measures devotion
Blessing is financial gain.Blessing is spiritual fullness.
Giving is an obligation.Giving is worship

8. The Heart of the Gospel

God gave His Son freely — not because we earned it, not because we could repay Him, but because love gives.
Our giving should mirror that same spirit: free, loving, and without condition.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son…”
— John 3:16

That’s the model.
Giving out of love — not pressure, not performance, and never purchase.

When you give quietly, faithfully, and from a sincere heart, God smiles — not because He’s keeping score, but because He sees trust.
Blessing flows from belief, not balance sheets.
Faith moves mountains; dollars do not.

1. The Early Church’s Heart for Sharing, Not Accumulating

The Didache (c. A.D. 70–120)

One of the earliest Christian manuals — used to teach converts — says:

“Do not be one who opens his hands to receive but shuts them when it comes to giving.”
“Share all things with your brother, and do not say that they are your own.” (Didache 4:5–8)

This reflects the same spirit as Acts 2:44-45 — believers cared for each other so that no one suffered lack.
There’s no mention of tithes to clergy or “seed faith” gifts — only mutual support and practical compassion.

2. Justin Martyr (A.D. 150) — Worship Through Giving to the Needy

In his First Apology, describing Christian worship to the Roman Emperor, Justin wrote:

“Those who have and are willing to give freely what each thinks fit. The collection is deposited with the president [the elder], who helps the orphans, widows, those who are sick, or in prison, and strangers sojourning among us.”

This is crucial — in the second century, giving was voluntary and its purpose was clear:
Supporting people with low incomes, not enriching leaders or building luxury.

3. Tertullian (c. A.D. 197–220) — Condemning Greedy Teachers

Tertullian, one of the earliest Latin theologians, said of Christian gatherings:

“Every man once a month brings some modest coin, but only if he is willing. There is no compulsion; it is all voluntary. These gifts are not spent on feasts or drinking, but to support and bury poor people, to supply the wants of boys and girls destitute of means and parents, and of old persons confined to the house.”

(Apology 39)

This demonstrates that giving was modest, voluntary, and compassionate — directed to people in need, not for personal gain.

4. Clement of Alexandria (A.D. 190) — Against Wealthy Preachers

Clement warned believers not to confuse wealth with blessing:

“It is not in the power of the rich man to possess much, but to use much rightly.” (Who Is the Rich Man That Shall Be Saved?)

He rebuked those who hoarded money under the name of religion, teaching that true wealth is found in mercy and righteousness.
His message: God entrusts wealth as a tool, not a trophy.

5. The Apostolic Constitutions (A.D. 250–300)

A later manual describing how churches should operate:

“Let the bishop distribute the offerings to those in need… for the orphans, widows, the afflicted, and strangers in distress.”

Again, the focus was not on luxury or personal enrichment, but on pastoral stewardship — caring for the vulnerable as a sacred duty.

6. Summary — What the First Christians Believed About Giving

Early Church EraPurpose of GivingMethodRecipients
Didache (1st century)Sharing and equality among believersFreelyFellow Christians in need
Justin Martyr (2nd century)Charity as worshipEach gives what he decidesPoor, widows, orphans, prisoners
Tertullian (2nd century)Mutual aid, not indulgenceVoluntary monthly offeringsPoor, elderly orphans
Clement of AlexandriaStewardship, not greedMoral teachingThose suffering
Apostolic Constitutions (3rd century)Pastoral duty to serveCommunity-managedNeedy and afflicted

7. Why This Matters Today

What you see in those early writings is a radical contrast to modern “prosperity gospel” culture.

  • No one demanded tithes or promised blessings for donations.
  • Church leaders lived modestly, serving others first.
  • Generosity was the fruit of love, not the price of a miracle.

The first Christians believed that faith without compassion is dead (James 2:14-17).
They measured devotion not by what you gave to a building or preacher, but by how you loved your neighbor.

1. What the Bible Really Says About Tithing

Old Testament context:

  • The tithe (Hebrew: ma‘aser, meaning “a tenth”) was part of the Mosaic Law.
  • Israelites gave 10% of their agricultural produce and livestock to support the Levites, who had no land inheritance (Numbers 18:21–24).
  • There were actually multiple tithes — one for the Levites, one for festivals, and one every third year for the poor (Deuteronomy 14:22–29).
  • It was a national, agricultural system designed for Israel’s theocracy, not a command for New Testament believers to give 10% to a church.

Key verses:

“Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house.” — Malachi 3:10

However, note that this was addressed to Israel, with the intention of maintaining the temple and priests.

2. The New Testament Standard for Giving

Jesus never commands Christians to tithe, but He affirms generosity, sincerity, and care for others.

  • Matthew 23:23 – Jesus tells Pharisees they tithe but neglect justice, mercy, and faithfulness.

“These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others.”
His point was not “tithe or be blessed,” but “don’t think money replaces love or integrity.”

  • 2 Corinthians 9:7 – Paul gives the most straightforward New Testament principle:

“Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”
The emphasis is on freedom, sincerity, and love — not pressure or manipulation.

  • Acts 2:44-45 – Early believers shared everything so that no one among them was in need.
    Giving was voluntary and communal, focused on people, not luxury or hierarchy.

3. Why God Doesn’t Tell Your Pastor He Needs a Jet

God’s Word never endorses the accumulation of wealth for spiritual leaders.
Scripture consistently warns against using religion for financial gain:

  • 1 Timothy 6:5–10

“…people who think godliness is a means to financial gain… For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil.”
Paul’s warning is specifically directed against those who exploit faith for personal gain.

  • Titus 1:11

“They must be silenced, because they are ruining whole households by teaching things they ought not to teach — and that for the sake of dishonest gain.”

  • Matthew 6:19–21

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth… For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Jesus contrasts worldly riches with eternal values.

A pastor claiming “God told me I need a plane or a Rolls-Royce” contradicts these teachings. God doesn’t need luxury to advance His mission — He desires humility, stewardship, and service.

4. The True Biblical Spirit of Giving

The Bible emphasizes compassionate generosity, especially toward the poor and oppressed.

  • Proverbs 19:17

“Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and He will reward them for what they have done.”

  • James 1:27

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress.”

  • Matthew 25:35–40

Jesus said, “I was hungry and you gave me food… Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”

God wants your heart more than your money.
Giving to help a struggling neighbor, feeding the hungry, supporting honest missions, or serving your community — that is the essence of godly giving.

5. Summary

False Prosperity TeachingBiblical Truth
“You must tithe or God won’t bless you.”God blesses from grace, not payment (2 Cor 9:8).
“Sow a seed into this ministry to get a miracle.”Giving is never transactional; God can’t be bought (Acts 8:20).
“The pastor deserves luxury for his faith.”Leaders must be humble servants (1 Peter 5:2–3).
“Money equals faith.”Love and obedience show faith, not wealth (John 14:15).

Bottom Line

God calls us to give freely, wisely, and compassionately, not under compulsion or manipulation.
The measure of your faith isn’t the size of your offering, but the sincerity of your heart and love for others.

Robert Bruton is a multifaceted creative visionary whose work spans literature, photography, and filmmaking. As an author, Robert's captivating storytelling delves into the mysteries of human nature, life's challenges, and the pursuit of purpose. His written works resonate with readers, offering profound insights and inspiration from his journey of perseverance and creativity.

https://www.amazon.com/author/robertbruton

The Seed Principle: Trusting the Process of Growth

/ Robert Bruton / Leave a comment

When you plant a seed in the ground, you don’t rush back every morning to dig it up and check if it’s growing. You don’t question whether the soil remembers its job, or if the sunlight will show up again. You water it, protect it, and give it what it needs. You trust that nature, in her quiet perfection, is at work.

That same principle governs your life, your dreams, and your purpose. The moment you set an intention, make a decision, or take that first step toward change, you’ve planted a seed. The invisible process that begins after that moment — the nurturing, the patience, the faith — is what determines whether your seed ever grows into something beautiful.

1. The Nature of Planting

Planting a seed is an act of faith. You take something that looks lifeless — a dry shell, a speck of possibility — and you bury it in darkness. On the surface, it seems like nothing’s happening. But beneath that soil, there’s movement, chemistry, and creation. That’s where life begins.

When you decide to start over, chase a dream, or heal from something painful, you are doing the same thing. You’re burying a new idea in the soil of your life. You can’t see it yet, and others might even laugh at what looks like an empty patch of dirt. But what matters isn’t what’s visible — it’s what’s becoming.

Too often, we expect instant results. We want to plant a seed today and harvest a forest tomorrow. But that’s not how life works. Every living thing has a natural order — a time to rest, a time to root, a time to rise. The patience to allow that process is what separates those who flourish from those who give up too soon.

2. The Discipline of Belief

Once your seed is in the ground, your job is not to question it every day but to believe in it. Belief is the sunlight that warms your intention. Without it, nothing can grow.

Belief is not the same as unquestioning optimism — it’s discipline. It’s the decision to keep showing up, watering the ground, and protecting your dreams even when you see no results. It’s the quiet courage to say, “I don’t see it yet, but I know it’s coming.”

In the early stages of any dream, doubt will whisper louder than faith. The soil looks bare, and fear tries to convince you that nothing’s happening. But every gardener knows that growth begins in silence. What’s unseen is not unproductive — it’s simply preparing.

So, when life feels stagnant or your dream seems buried too deep, remind yourself: The roots are forming. Just because you can’t see the bloom doesn’t mean the process isn’t working. Real change begins underground.

3. Don’t Dig It Up

Imagine a farmer planting a field of seeds, then returning every day to dig them up, anxious to see if they’ve sprouted. The constant disturbance would destroy any chance of growth. Yet that’s precisely what we do with our dreams — we dig them up through worry, comparison, and impatience.

Every time you second-guess yourself — “Maybe this was a mistake… Maybe I’m not good enough…” — you’re essentially unearthing the seed. Growth requires stillness and trust. You can’t demand proof of progress and faith at the same time.

The law of creation is simple: You can’t nurture what you don’t trust.

When you’ve planted something meaningful — whether it’s a relationship, a business, or a personal transformation — give it time. Keep doing the work. Keep nurturing it. But resist the urge to analyze or force outcomes constantly. Genuine faith is not about control; it’s about confidence in the process.

4. The Work of Nurturing

Faith doesn’t mean idleness. You can’t just toss a seed on the ground and hope it survives. You water it. You make sure the soil stays healthy. You pull weeds. You protect it from storms and pests. In the same way, nurturing your dream means consistent action.

You don’t have to do everything in one day — just the right things every day. That might mean studying a little more, practicing your craft, saving for your future, or simply maintaining a positive mindset when challenges come. Small, steady steps create the environment for significant growth.

Nurturing also means protecting your environment. Not every voice around you is supportive. Some people will trample your garden with negativity, jealousy, or fear. You can’t let them. Be mindful of the company you keep and the energy you allow near your dream. A single word of doubt can choke out confidence if you let it.

Tend to your mind the same way you tend to your garden. Feed it with encouragement, knowledge, and gratitude. When you cultivate a healthy inner world, your outer world will naturally begin to bloom.

5. Seasons of Growth

Every seed has seasons — and so do you. There’s a time to plant, a time to wait, and a time to harvest. The waiting season is the hardest because it tests your faith and patience. Nothing seems to move. You feel like you’re stuck in the same place while others are thriving.

But growth doesn’t always look like expansion. Sometimes it seems like stillness, reflection, or quiet preparation. The tree doesn’t grow its tallest branches first — it grows its deepest roots. Without roots, it can’t survive the storm.

Your waiting season is not punishment; it’s protection. You’re being prepared for what you asked for. The universe isn’t saying “no” — it’s saying, “not yet.” Every delay is shaping you into someone capable of sustaining the dream once it blooms.

If you force the timing, you’ll end up with something fragile. But if you let the process unfold, you’ll get something lasting. Trust that what’s meant for you is already making its way toward you, even if it’s taking the scenic route.

6. The Power of Unseen Progress

In life, the most critical transformations happen out of sight. Muscles grow during rest—character forms in adversity. Seeds sprout underground. And faith is strengthened in the silence between effort and reward.

We’re conditioned to crave visible results — likes, numbers, validation — but real success begins invisibly. The universe often hides the early stages of growth because we’re not yet ready to handle the full bloom. The unseen progress is sacred. It’s where the foundation forms.

So, when you feel unseen or unnoticed, don’t despair. You’re still growing. In fact, that’s when the deepest work is being done. You’re being rooted, not forgotten. Every setback, every quiet day, every moment of doubt is fertilizer for your strength.

Keep watering your soil with gratitude and effort. What you nurture in private will one day shine in public.

7. The Garden of Life

Your life is a garden, and your thoughts are the seeds. Whatever you plant consistently will grow — whether that’s fear or faith, joy or judgment, purpose or procrastination.

Suppose you want peace, plant peace; if you want abundance, plant generosity. Suppose you want love, plant forgiveness. The soil doesn’t discriminate — it simply grows what it’s given. You get to choose what you plant.

That means every word you speak and every thought you dwell on is a form of planting. You’re either cultivating a garden of possibilities or weeds of limitation.

So, ask yourself daily: What am I planting today?

Choose seeds that feed your future. Plant ideas that align with your purpose. Speak life into your goals. The harvest you’re waiting for tomorrow is being shaped by the seeds you’re planting today.

8. Weathering the Storms

Every garden faces storms — rain, wind, even drought. The same is true for life. There will be seasons when everything seems to go wrong, when your plans wash away, and when you wonder if all your effort was for nothing.

But storms aren’t meant to destroy you; they strengthen your roots. A tree that never faces the wind grows weak. It’s the pressure of the storm that anchors it deeper into the earth. The same force that challenges you also stabilizes you.

When difficulty comes, don’t abandon your seed. Protect it, but let the rain do its work. Sometimes what looks like destruction is actually nourishment. Rain brings nutrients, and struggle brings wisdom. You’ll emerge stronger, more resilient, and ready for the next season of growth.

9. The Harvest and Beyond

Eventually, after enough faith, care, and time, your seed breaks through the surface. That first sprout is a moment of revelation — proof that your patience was not in vain. But even then, your work isn’t over. The seedling still needs sunlight, water, and attention to reach maturity.

Many people mistake the first sign of success as the finish line. But the truth is, growth is continuous. The moment one harvest ends, another planting begins. Life is cyclical. You’re always planting new seeds — in your relationships, your career, your mindset, and your purpose.

Celebrate your blooms, but stay humble enough to keep planting. That’s how you build a life that keeps flourishing long after the first success fades.

10. Knowing It Will Grow

The ultimate peace comes when you reach a place of knowing — when you no longer hope or wonder if your dream will grow, but know that it will. That knowing isn’t arrogance; it’s alignment. It’s recognizing that the same universal intelligence that grows forests and galaxies also flows through you.

When you operate from that knowing, you stop forcing outcomes. You stop comparing your timeline to others. You move with confidence, patience, and gratitude. You realize that your role isn’t to control every detail — it’s to nurture what’s yours and trust the rest to unfold.

That’s freedom. That’s faith. That’s living in harmony with the rhythm of life.

11. Planting Again

There’s beauty in starting over. The garden doesn’t mourn winter; it prepares for spring. You can always plant again — new dreams, new goals, new beginnings. Failure doesn’t mean the soil is dead; it just means you learned something about what didn’t grow.

Every experience, good or bad, enriches your soil. The lessons you’ve lived become nutrients for the next seed. So don’t fear change or loss—see them as compost for your growth. What feels like an ending is often a preparation for your most vibrant bloom.

Keep planting. Keep nurturing. Keep believing.

12. Living the Principle

To live by the seed principle is to embody patience, persistence, and peace. It’s to understand that life unfolds one layer at a time, and that rushing the process only robs it of its perfection.

You don’t dig up the seed every day — you water it, you believe in it, you care for it. You live with the quiet confidence that growth is inevitable because you’ve aligned your actions with faith.

Every great tree began as something small, planted by someone who believed in what they couldn’t yet see. Let that be you.

Closing Reflection

You are both the gardener and the seed.
You are the soil and the sunlight.
You are the dream and the doer.

The power to grow, to rise, to become — it’s already within you. All that’s left is to nurture it with faith, patience, and love.

Plant your seed — and this time, don’t dig it up.
Know it will grow.

Robert Bruton is a multifaceted creative visionary whose work spans literature, photography, and filmmaking. As an author, Robert’s captivating storytelling delves into the mysteries of human nature, life’s challenges, and the pursuit of purpose. His written works resonate with readers, offering profound insights and inspiration from his journey of perseverance and creativity.

https://www.amazon.com/author/robertbruton

In God’s Time: When the Impossible Turns into Destiny

/ Robert Bruton / Leave a comment

There comes a point in every journey when you start to wonder if God is still listening.
You’ve prayed until your words run dry. You’ve waited until your heart feels numb. You’ve watched others receive the very things you’ve dreamed of — love, purpose, a breakthrough — while you’re left standing in the quiet, asking, “What about me?”

But here’s the truth: God is never late.
He’s not ignoring you. He’s preparing you — and preparing what’s meant for you.

The waiting is not a punishment. It’s a refining fire. And in that fire, God forges your faith.

The Silent Work of God

When nothing seems to be happening, something always is.
You can’t see it yet.

Behind the scenes, God is weaving details together that you wouldn’t even know to ask for. He’s aligning hearts, opportunities, and timing. He’s maturing your character so that when your moment arrives, you’re not just ready for it — you’re worthy of it.

If you received everything you wanted right now, would you be ready to hold it? Could you sustain, nurture, and protect it? God doesn’t just want to deliver blessings; He wants you to become the person who can carry them.

Every delay is a sacred construction. Heaven’s blueprint takes time.

When You’re Waiting on Love or Breakthrough

Maybe you’ve been waiting for that one relationship — the person who feels like the missing piece of your soul.
Or maybe it’s not love you’re waiting on — perhaps it’s the dream job, the calling, the opportunity to step into your purpose finally.

You’ve probably told yourself, “It’s never going to happen.”
And yet… destiny has a way of showing up right after you stop trying to force it.

You meet someone by chance — but heaven never works by chance.
You walk through a door you almost didn’t open — but it was the exact one you needed.
You look back later and realize: every disappointment was divine choreography.

You miss a text message, only to answer at the perfect moment months later.

The relationship that didn’t work out was making space for the one that would.
The job you lost was redirecting you toward a purpose that genuinely fits your soul.
The heartbreak you thought would destroy you actually woke you up to who you were meant to become.

In the Blink of an Eye, Everything Can Change

God specializes in suddenlies.

Moses spent forty years in the desert before a burning bush appeared in one ordinary moment.
Joseph went from a prison cell to a palace in a single day.
Ruth went from picking up scraps to being written into the lineage of Christ.

All it took was one divine intersection.

That’s how fast grace moves — slow, slow, slow… then suddenly.

The thing you’ve prayed for your whole life can arrive in one conversation, one sunrise, one heartbeat. And when it does, it won’t feel rushed — it will feel right.

Faith While You Wait

Faith is not pretending you don’t hurt.
Faith is trusting that the hurt still has purpose.

You can cry and still believe. You can question and still hope. You can feel weary and still trust.
Because faith is not about your feelings; it’s about your focus — keeping your eyes on God even when your heart doesn’t understand.

And here’s the beautiful irony: the moment you stop demanding the outcome is often the moment God delivers it. Not because He’s withholding, but because surrender creates space for His will to move.

The Lesson Hidden in Every Delay

If you could see what God sees, you’d never question His timing.

You’d see how close you are.
You’d see the hearts He’s protecting you from.
You’d see how the closed door today is saving you from the heartbreak tomorrow.
You’d see how your waiting is shaping someone else’s miracle, too.

Because sometimes, the story isn’t just about you — it’s about the countless others whose perseverance, your patience, and your testimony will touch.

When your moment comes — and it will — others will look at you and say, “How did it happen?”
And you’ll smile and answer, “God’s timing.”

Remember This

God’s plan is not fragile.
It doesn’t fall apart because of your mistakes, your doubts, or your delays.
He wrote your story knowing every detour you’d take — and still, He called it good.

When nothing makes sense, believe this:
He’s not just preparing a path for you — He’s preparing you for the path.

And when it all finally unfolds — when love walks in, when the dream comes alive, when the breakthrough hits — you’ll realize something profound:

God was never withholding your blessing.
He was building you to be able to hold it.

And it all can change…
In the blink of an eye.

Robert Bruton is a multifaceted creative visionary whose work spans literature, photography, and filmmaking. As an author, Robert’s captivating storytelling delves into the mysteries of human nature, life’s challenges, and the pursuit of purpose. His written works resonate with readers, offering profound insights and inspiration from his journey of perseverance and creativity.

https://www.amazon.com/author/robertbruton

How to Deal with a Defiant Child

/ Robert Bruton / Leave a comment

Every parent has experienced it at some point: their child is being defiant. They’re not listening, they’re arguing, and they’re just plain being difficult. It can be frustrating and even downright scary, but it’s important to remember that defiant behavior is a normal part of childhood development.

blond girl sitting on a sandy beach and sun reflecting in the sea
Photo by Olya Harytovich on Pexels.com

What is defiant behavior?

Defiant behavior is any behavior that is intentionally disobedient or disrespectful. It can include things like arguing, yelling, refusing to follow instructions, and being verbally or physically aggressive. Defiant behavior is most common in children ages 2 to 8 but can also occur in older children and adolescents.

What causes defiant behavior?

Many factors can contribute to defiant behavior, including:

  • Developmental factors: As children grow and develop, they constantly learn and test boundaries. Defiant behavior can be a way for them to assert their independence and figure out where they fit in the world.
  • Environmental factors: Children exposed to violence, abuse, or neglect are more likely to exhibit defiant behavior.
  • Genetic factors: Some studies have shown that there may be a genetic component to defiant behavior.

How to deal with a defiant child

If you are dealing with a defiant child, there are a few things you can do to help:

  • Set clear expectations and rules. Ensure your child knows what is expected of them and the consequences if they don’t follow the rules.
  • Be consistent with discipline. It’s essential to be compatible with the field, even when difficult. If you don’t follow through with consequences, your child will learn they can get away with defiant behavior.
  • Use positive reinforcement. When your child does something suitable, be sure to praise them. This will help them to associate good behavior with positive consequences.
  • Avoid power struggles. When your child is defiant, avoiding power struggles is essential. If you argue with your child, it will only escalate the situation.
  • Seek professional help. If you are struggling to deal with your child’s defiant behavior, it may be helpful to seek professional help. A therapist can teach you how to manage your child’s behavior and help you to develop a positive relationship with them.

Remember, defiant behavior is a normal part of childhood development. However, with patience and consistency, you can help your child overcome unruly behavior and learn to behave more positively.

Here are some activities parents can engage in with a defiant child to better gain trust and social validation:

  • One-on-one time: Make sure to spend one-on-one time with your child daily. This could be anything from reading a book together to playing a game. This will help your child feel special and loved and give you a chance to connect with them on a personal level.
  • Positive reinforcement: When your child does something suitable, praise them. This will help them to associate good behavior with positive consequences. For example, you could say, “I’m so proud of you for putting your toys away without being asked.”
  • Problem-solving: When your child is defiant, try to help them solve the problem. This will help them to learn how to manage their emotions and behavior more positively. For example, if your child refuses to go to bed, you could say, “I know you’re tired, but it’s time for bed. Let’s discuss what you can do to make bedtime more enjoyable.”
  • Empathy: Try to see things from your child’s perspective. This will help you understand why they behave the way they are. For example, if your child refuses to go to school, you could say, “I know you’re scared of going to school, but I promise you’ll be safe there. I’ll walk you to class and stay until you feel comfortable.”
  • Be patient: Building trust and social validation with a defiant child take time. So be patient and consistent with your efforts; eventually, you will see progress.

It is also important to remember that you are not alone. There are many resources available to help parents deal with defiant children. If you are struggling, please reach out for help.

woman and child playing on green grass field near mountain
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Patience

/ Robert Bruton / Leave a comment

One of the hardest traits in my life to learn, from my New Book: Mastering Life God’s Way:

Patience!

“I believe that a trusting attitude and a patient attitude go hand in hand. You see, when you let go and learn to trust God, it releases joy in your life. And when you trust God, you’re able to be more patient. Patience is not just about waiting for something… it’s about how you wait, or your attitude while waiting.”—Joyce Meyer

Without which, you will stifle growth by imposing your own will that goes against what your destiny shall become.

Keep in mind that life, you must allow destiny to adjust itself, change trajectory, for your destiny to unfold. Changing your life means a whole new direction, so you must allow God to move things around to fulfill your destiny.

Let’s say you want a fantastic job that is currently filled by an amazing person. Someone that has left a real mark in this life. Someone, that if you knew them personally would be a friend! Let’s say this person is going to retire in six months. God’s plan is for you to fall right into this job that currently you are totally unaware of. Without patience, you may give up just a few yards from the finish line. Don’t be that person!

Prayer, self improvement, life

Nothing worth having happens overnight. Shortcuts get rich quick; you have to work seven days a week; it is all garbage. Beautiful flowers don’t bloom overnight. The sun does not rise all at once. Everything in our lives happens in the time our destiny is supposed to unfold before our eyes. Any faster, and you lose the real blessing.

God’s will, not our will. Let that naturally happen, and wow! When you impose your own will, we tend to want everything right now. Do this, and you will receive, tension, stress, overwhelmed mind, and misery. Then you’ll quit, instead of receiving the beautiful blessings headed your way.

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