How to Deal with a Defiant Child

Every parent has experienced it at some point: their child is being defiant. They’re not listening, they’re arguing, and they’re just plain being difficult. It can be frustrating and even downright scary, but it’s important to remember that defiant behavior is a normal part of childhood development.

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What is defiant behavior?

Defiant behavior is any behavior that is intentionally disobedient or disrespectful. It can include things like arguing, yelling, refusing to follow instructions, and being verbally or physically aggressive. Defiant behavior is most common in children ages 2 to 8 but can also occur in older children and adolescents.

What causes defiant behavior?

Many factors can contribute to defiant behavior, including:

  • Developmental factors: As children grow and develop, they constantly learn and test boundaries. Defiant behavior can be a way for them to assert their independence and figure out where they fit in the world.
  • Environmental factors: Children exposed to violence, abuse, or neglect are more likely to exhibit defiant behavior.
  • Genetic factors: Some studies have shown that there may be a genetic component to defiant behavior.

How to deal with a defiant child

If you are dealing with a defiant child, there are a few things you can do to help:

  • Set clear expectations and rules. Ensure your child knows what is expected of them and the consequences if they don’t follow the rules.
  • Be consistent with discipline. It’s essential to be compatible with the field, even when difficult. If you don’t follow through with consequences, your child will learn they can get away with defiant behavior.
  • Use positive reinforcement. When your child does something suitable, be sure to praise them. This will help them to associate good behavior with positive consequences.
  • Avoid power struggles. When your child is defiant, avoiding power struggles is essential. If you argue with your child, it will only escalate the situation.
  • Seek professional help. If you are struggling to deal with your child’s defiant behavior, it may be helpful to seek professional help. A therapist can teach you how to manage your child’s behavior and help you to develop a positive relationship with them.

Remember, defiant behavior is a normal part of childhood development. However, with patience and consistency, you can help your child overcome unruly behavior and learn to behave more positively.

Here are some activities parents can engage in with a defiant child to better gain trust and social validation:

  • One-on-one time: Make sure to spend one-on-one time with your child daily. This could be anything from reading a book together to playing a game. This will help your child feel special and loved and give you a chance to connect with them on a personal level.
  • Positive reinforcement: When your child does something suitable, praise them. This will help them to associate good behavior with positive consequences. For example, you could say, “I’m so proud of you for putting your toys away without being asked.”
  • Problem-solving: When your child is defiant, try to help them solve the problem. This will help them to learn how to manage their emotions and behavior more positively. For example, if your child refuses to go to bed, you could say, “I know you’re tired, but it’s time for bed. Let’s discuss what you can do to make bedtime more enjoyable.”
  • Empathy: Try to see things from your child’s perspective. This will help you understand why they behave the way they are. For example, if your child refuses to go to school, you could say, “I know you’re scared of going to school, but I promise you’ll be safe there. I’ll walk you to class and stay until you feel comfortable.”
  • Be patient: Building trust and social validation with a defiant child take time. So be patient and consistent with your efforts; eventually, you will see progress.

It is also important to remember that you are not alone. There are many resources available to help parents deal with defiant children. If you are struggling, please reach out for help.

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Patience

One of the hardest traits in my life to learn, from my New Book: Mastering Life God’s Way:

Patience!

“I believe that a trusting attitude and a patient attitude go hand in hand. You see, when you let go and learn to trust God, it releases joy in your life. And when you trust God, you’re able to be more patient. Patience is not just about waiting for something… it’s about how you wait, or your attitude while waiting.”—Joyce Meyer

Without which, you will stifle growth by imposing your own will that goes against what your destiny shall become.

Keep in mind that life, you must allow destiny to adjust itself, change trajectory, for your destiny to unfold. Changing your life means a whole new direction, so you must allow God to move things around to fulfill your destiny.

Let’s say you want a fantastic job that is currently filled by an amazing person. Someone that has left a real mark in this life. Someone, that if you knew them personally would be a friend! Let’s say this person is going to retire in six months. God’s plan is for you to fall right into this job that currently you are totally unaware of. Without patience, you may give up just a few yards from the finish line. Don’t be that person!

Prayer, self improvement, life

Nothing worth having happens overnight. Shortcuts get rich quick; you have to work seven days a week; it is all garbage. Beautiful flowers don’t bloom overnight. The sun does not rise all at once. Everything in our lives happens in the time our destiny is supposed to unfold before our eyes. Any faster, and you lose the real blessing.

God’s will, not our will. Let that naturally happen, and wow! When you impose your own will, we tend to want everything right now. Do this, and you will receive, tension, stress, overwhelmed mind, and misery. Then you’ll quit, instead of receiving the beautiful blessings headed your way.

Life Detox

This is the first chapter of Life Detox. How we can cleanse, mind, body, and soul. Sometimes it’s just time to rip off the bandaid and be done with it! Choose to begin anew!

Chapter 1 

Why 

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”—Michael Jordan

Perfection is not the goal; persistence is our focus. 

You’ve all heard you need to find your way. True but, in this scenario, the why needs to be you’re sick-and-tired-of-being-sick-and-tired! Enough is enough. Well, I can tell you that over a year ago, that is where I found myself. 

(Get a pad of paper to do some writing) To make any lasting change, grab the paper! 

Here are some questions you need to ask yourself:

 

  • Is your life where you hoped it would be right now?

 

  • Are you depressed most of the time?
  • Are you merely going through the paces of daily life with no real direction, work, go home, that’s about all?
  • Are you unhappy? Why?
  • If money, time, education, depression were not the problem. What would fulfill your life?

 

 

Please take the time to put some real thought into the questions. If you follow along this way, we can save you a great deal of time. 

You must get very clear on what you would like to see your life become. One of the biggest epiphanies I’ve experienced don’t worry about the HOW, set your sail to the horizon of where you want your life. 

Imagine getting on a boat for a long journey. You set sail, and off you go. Along the way, you most assuredly will face rough seas. When you begin the rough journey seas, severe weather is not part of the equation when you decided to set sail. 

The end destination is more important than how we get there! If you had a chance to visit some beautiful faraway island, once in a lifetime opportunity. Would you not go because you MIGHT run into bad weather? Did you not go because you thought the how was more difficult — focusing on the “what if’s” instead of the outcome? 

Logic would suggest you have a plan that includes how. So how do you plot this course change in life without knowing how you’re going to traverse the course to a destination. When you set out on any journey let’s say a storm comes up, do you sail directly through it? No, you may have to recalibrate a new route. 

My point is you don’t know all the “how’s” that will change your course unexpectedly. However, if you worry yourself before you set sail, you’ll stifle any chance of real change! 

I can hear you! “How do you not worry about how?” These are bullet points that will explain: 

 

  • Have a clear definition of the result. Know what you want clearly! 

 

  • Learn to meditate on the result you desire, see it in your mind’s eye. Feel in every part of your being what it would feel like to have achieved that which you want most. 
  • Have unwavering faith it will happen. A prayer might sound like “God you know what I desire in my heart, I have faith you will provide everything I need for that, what you put in my heart to achieve. I don’t know how we will do this; I trust you have the way.
  • Pray for wisdom and guidance.
  • Set realistic expectations. Reach to be sure.

 

 

How to turn from wishful thinking to ACTION:

 

  • What is one step you can take right now to begin your journey? Forget the words significant steps, little steps. Every step forward creates forward momentum. 

 

  • Learn the difference between activity vs. productivity. 
  • Learn to plan your day for production — set reminders for tasks that produce results. Stay on task!
  • Take time to research and put into action what you learn to achieve your desire. Fill yourself as though you’re filling a pitcher with knowledge.
  • When self-doubt and the like hit your noodle, remember this, whatever negative thoughts you’re having it’s temporary. Work through it even when you think you cannot.

 

 

The how will come to you. Take steps every day, and you will begin to gain momentum. 

“When you begin to worry, go find something to do. Get busy being a blessing to someone; do something fruitful. Talking about your problem or sitting alone, thinking about it does no good! It serves only to make you miserable. Above all else, remember that worrying is useless. Worrying will not solve your problem.”–Joyce Meyer

A struggle for everyone.  When everything in your life is overwhelmingly worrisome. So how do we get through that?

When you begin to realize that no matter what you’re going through in life, it’s temporary. If you get flustered stifling any sort of progress the situation stalls or gets worse.

Begin to look at trials and tribulations as a coaching exercise. Learn to realize God is coaching you to become a world-class you! What do coaches do? They train you to go beyond what you believe you can do. Stretch yourself beyond your limiting beliefs.

Life is changing for me. I don’t look at difficulties as a problem, but a learning experience is preparing me to handle anything life can throw at me. Yes, at times, you can feel alone, lost, and defeated. At this moment I think of myself as running dead last in a race. I can choose to fail, or I can run my heart out and win.

God is merely working all of us out. He is training us to handle anything the enemy can throw to disrupt our life. Why can’t God fix my life? He is trying by letting you work through the pain to strengthen your resolve.

It hurts I can’t do it! God never puts more on our plate than we can handle. Hard to understand, but here is the skinny. Get through this because on the other side of pain is your destiny. Bigger and brighter than you can imagine.

Change the way you look at problems. They’re not happening at you they’re happing for you!

Here are some exercises you can do to change your state-of-mind: Crank up some music that gets you dancing. Music can immediately improve your state and put a smile on your face. 

 

  • Breathe. Take 60 seconds or so and breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth, beautiful and relaxing. 

 

  • Pray — nothing like a good prayer. You can hand God the garbage he is ready to be a blessing to you and carry it out. 
  • Meditate. Find the right place to meditate and relax your mind and body.

 

 

Take a walk. Get outdoors and walk to help relieve muscle stress. Throw on some headphones and good music. Change your state-of-mind, and you will change your life. 

Time outdoors can be incredibly cathartic to the soul. Taking in nature, walking by a river, standing on the beach, anywhere that God has touched the landscape. You can look up and happily say to God, “show off.” Smiling in awe of the world around you. 

When you can take these moments to find clarity in your head, good thoughts, new ideas, and fresh perspectives will become the norm. 

One thing that I did put up a bird-feeder. Birds are incredibly funny and beautiful to watch. I have found myself sitting for long periods just enjoying my birds and clearing my head when I’m not trying — just enjoying the moment.

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Unwavering Faith, Do the Work, Happiness, Joy, a Beautiful Life Awaits

“Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.”–Saint Augustine

Learning to give our all in the endeavors of life will carry us through the tumultuous waters that rock our lives boat. When trials and tribulations challenge our experience, we must buckle down in faith.

pray, prayer, faith

Learning to trust God in total is a challenge. Faith or what we all understand blind faith goes against what most of us learn in life. Life is about to show me first, then I will believe you. How many times have you heard that in your life?

The quote rings so true. If you learn to trust God, stay in faith, do the work, life will bloom for those that believe. Somedays for me, it’s a challenge, but I make this my mantra every day to stay in faith.

Take time right now to let God know you’re grateful for his presence in your life!

 

Patience is the Key, Blessings, Success, and Life

“Patience is not simply the ability to wait – it’s how we behave while we’re waiting.”–Joyce Meyer 
Letting God do his work takes time. Patience allows God to see your faith, that you trust enough to allow your life’s destiny to open up as it should. When you lose hope because times get tough slows the progress.

self help, happy, peace

We all struggle with patience because we want everything right now. Living in a world that wants us to believe now!

The struggle is we don’t see an outcome being positive quickly enough then our first instinct is to jump in the middle of something that needs time. Yes, you have to do the work, what’s necessary to move things along.

There is a difference in taking steps to realize a change, or forcing something that is not altogether ready to manifest. For example, a relationship you push too hard when you push someone away because you don’t give them the time and space to come to the same place you are.

Worse still is you merely give up. “Oh this is not going to work, or it would have by now.” The Universe will align the sun, the moon, and the stars in your favor with Patience. Remember you cannot say I want a new job and then order a pizza and wait. You have to get out and do the work, look for a job, interview and keep chugging until you here “Welcome we want to hire you.”

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