You can give up or you can breakthrough! Choose wisely.
The difference between winning, change, or a continuation of the same. Don’t give up! Faith in all that you do will see you through the tough times when you want to give up. Giving up comes in the form of emotional pain.
I call it kicking your own ass!
We are conditioned from a very young age to avoid pain. Our brain will have us run from pain. Here is an example of overcoming emotional torture.
Marathon runners hit what they call the wall. This happens late in the race when your body is so fatigued your brain begins to say you need to stop NOW. Runners say they feel as though they are hurting their bodies beyond measure.
Yet studies have found this is all in mind. That if you can break through this process, on the other side, you complete the Marathon. Bodies are not injured, it’s simply fatigued that your brain registers as pain.
Humans can see themselves through tremendous emotional pain. You genuinely do not know what you can take until you try. More often than not, giving up too soon, when achievement is just one more step away. Success can take one action further than most are willing to do.
Yes, you will have to work through emotional pain to achieve real success in anything you set out to make. Moreover, this is worth your investment, time, and energy. Stop losing and learn to win. Achieve more than you dreamt of!
How you say?
Learning to recondition yourself, your auto-response to emotional pain. This takes time and your fullest attention.
Look at the state of your home or office. Is it cluttered? Is it clean? Clean is good, cluttered is bad will talk about that. The state of your mind runs congruent with the state of your account. East start, get your home and office in order!
Organize your life to win. In my book, we talk about activity vs. productivity. When you fully understand the difference, this is the secret sauce. For example, the action is social media, gabbing, etc. Productivity: net a result. Work on a project to completion in a set time.
Take care of Body, Mind & Soul. Eat healthy, walk, get in the sunshine. Take time to unplug from social media (most significant waste of your time) phones, get outside and leave the phone at home or in the car. Unplug!
Meditate and pray. During your meditation, see yourself as you would love to live. It’s not about fancy cars, mansions, it’s about being present in a moment. Success will come if you can actually be present in a moment. Giving full attention to the tasks at hand. See yourself and pray to God for wisdom. Not possessions.
Learn. Simple enough. Make time every day to broaden your mind. Watch videos, take a master class, attend night school. Do something that brings a better you to this world.
Five quick things to get started.
None of this will make any difference if you don’t follow-through. This means set out reminders for 1 Year. Exercise, make time for an entire year to exercise. One hour per day for 365 days = 365 hours of training, education, family. It’s time to organize to win in life.
For the “I don’t have time, crowd.” Let me piss you off here and say YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO MANAGE YOUR TIME, AND I CAN PROVE IT. I can also HELP!
Give me ONE day of honest assessment:
Track your day literally every 30 minutes make a note of what you have done in this space of time. Journal your day as close to the times as you can.
Be HONEST (Goofed off, social media, personal stuff, bathroom breaks) Chronicle it all HONESTLY.
Then with all the time, you’ve wasted doing junk. Add that number up and times it by your work weekdays.
I would challenge you to fill 1 hour with complete focus. NO phone, no email, nothing but real production. As you can begin to focus like this on daily tasks, complete one move on (oh, by the way, multi-taskers the 90’s called they want you to come home).
Laser-sharp focuses on the task at hand. Start and complete. It’s much harder than you might think to fill an entire hour with PRODUCTION.
Now you must begin to realize the enemy; your head will not want to let go of your goof-off time smoothly. You will start “this doesn’t work” “its too hard” will fill your head with crap. How bad do you want to win? Bad enough to not kick your own ass???
This is why we set out a year for changes in our life. You want lasting change? Do something that produces a result religiously for one hour per day for an entire year. This time next year, you will not know yourself as you do today. You will have achieved much, my dear friends.
2 The Lord answered me, “Write down what I show you. Write it clearly on a sign so that the message will be easy to read.
It’s incredible to me how much self-improvement information has its roots from the Bible. When reading Habakkuk 2:2, not only is God saying right down what you want. He is also speaking to create a Vision Board as well. Pretty cool!
As we all struggle to find our way of dealing with Covid-19. Now would be a great time as we all social distance to work on ourselves. Your mantra, “make me better.”
Here are some simple questions to get you started:
If money, time, and resources were not the problem. What would I do with my life?
Am I doing what I want to do in a career or what I must do? How could I change that?
How could I bring a new me to all my relationships?
Am I praying every day?
Do I meditate every day?
Am I taking care of my body, health?
Am I living in faith?
What kind-act could I reasonably do every day?
Am I telling everyone in my life, “I love you” every day?
Am I reading a book or doing something to educate myself daily?
Now is a great time to ponder our lives and begin to formulate a plan. Write down the answer to these questions or whatever comes to mind. In other words, turn off the TV stop binge-watching Game of Thrones and do something for you.
If you’re in a relationship, take time as a couple to do the same thing. What an excellent time to reconnect more deeply.
Instead of worrying about the world, take a moment to bring a better you back to the world. We all know that through the unlikely events we now face. At some point in time, we will move on. As Mathew McConaughey said in a video, “we’re all sitting at a red light that will soon turn green again.”
Remaining vigilant in this time, of course. However, while we sit around thinking of things-to-do. Let’s take some time for ourselves.
My challenge to you!
Go get a notebook, paper, whatever you can find. Begin to think of beautiful ways you can bring a better you back to the world. When we can all say, “thank God this is over.”
Over our lifetimes, we can accumulate a landfill of garbage in our heads. This is garbage that has taken a lifetime to gather. However, it is now time to empty the trash, let’s go learn how!
Let me share the same advice with you that my mother bestowed upon me. “It took you a lifetime to break your life, have the patience to allow change to occur.”
She is right; it has taken a lifetime to accumulate so much trash, it may take a garbage bag or a hundred to empty out our noodle. The good news is a lot of the garbage can be taken out never to return simply because you are ready for change. You are right?
What exactly are we talking about, garbage?
You get the idea!
Let’s plot out an action plan for change:
Make the decision you want to change your life. Whatever it is you feel you need to change, decide that today forward no more. The new you is at hand.
Organize your life so that you can feel like you are achieving something every day.
Learn how to quiet your mind. This will take some practice but will be the most fantastic thing you can do for yourself. Use headphones, find some relaxing meditation music, sounds, rain, etc. Turn off anything that will disturb you and on get somewhere no interruptions! Cannot stress that enough. Learn to relax and quiet your mind. This will open your mind and allow you to just relax.
Let God know what you desire and ask for the wisdom to find what you seek.
Get healthy. Walk to relieve tension in your body. When you’re healthy, you will be less fatigued. Your body will respond better to change.
Find something that is NOT about you. Volunteer and help others. Doing something that benefits others has an incredible cathartic result.
Learn to be thankful right where you are. Let God know every day you love what you have. When you are okay where you are. God will see that you can have more than you are ready for more in your life. Gratitude is a wonderfully blissful peace in your mind.
Don’t overload yourself. Pick a couple of things and do them consistently. We stop change because we overwhelm our brains. Believing we must do all this stuff to get a replacement now. Slow down, and change will come more quickly.
Someone shared with me, “the state of my house is in direct correlation with the state of my mind.” Look around for clutter. Get the clutter out of your life. No, it’s not organized its confusion. Desk, car, home, or office. Organize!
When deciding what your life should look like take the following OUT of the equation:
Don’t have the money.
Don’t have the time.
Don’t have the resources.
Don’t have enough education.
Too old or too young.
When framing a new life. Do it from the world is your oyster. You have NO obstacles in the way. I can hear some of you, I don’t have money, I don’t have time!
Learn quickly that in life, you can throw up an obstacle to stifle yourself. If you believe in something enough, PUT FORTH THE WORK TO ATTAIN IT. What you need will come to you someway somehow, even when you see NO idea at all.
Give this to God. Let him see you working diligently, stay in faith. You don’t know how, but you know God will make a way.
Hebrews 11:1-6 King James Version (KJV)
11 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Do everything you can to make your dreams come true. Cannot sit on your duff and expect God to just Miracle a million dollars in your bank. That is called the lottery!
You must condition yourself to release negative thoughts as they enter your mind. This is a pass you need to fumble. Drop the ball, let it go, don’t even try to catch the negative thoughts. Easier said than done, I get it. However, you can acknowledge the idea with a resounding “Delete.”
Meditation helps with this. See yourself happy, loved, and doing the life you want. The big difference in having the experience you wish to versus having a life you are stuck with. None of us are stuck, oh, you might think you are, but you are not! That much I am 100% on.
A sneak look at my book A Guide To Real Change. Check out Chapter 1 of this fantastic book and begin the journey to change your life. We all need help changing aspects of our lives!
Together We Begin
Excuse me, hello, excuse me. Yes, you! Can you look this way, please? You’re looking at yesterday; I need you focused forward, thank you!
Are you looking forward to TODAY? When you woke up, did your feet hit the floor, with a smile on your face? Most likely not read on.
“Never let yesterday use up too much of today.”—Will Rogers
Today is all you have. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is just that tomorrow. So, what can you do to make today a good day? Plan for it. Have a program that has tasks that need doing today. Prepare the night before at least three things you know for sure you can accomplish in a day.
Have small successes every day. Complete tasks that will help bring about big success in whatever aspect of your life that needs help the most right now. Learn productivity vs. activity, read on you’ll see what I mean.
What happens is we tend to get to scattered out with all the things we need to fix. Like, relationships, jobs, ourselves, bills, and the list gets bigger. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time! Apply that to your life, and you will achieve much more.
This process of change has eluded me. By appearance, just organizing aspects of our life for success seem simple. The real test is, are you doing it now? Will you stay consistent?
Here are some tasks to help you get started:
Set daily reminders on your phone to alert you to functions for that day.
Use apps like Google Tasks, Google Calendar, they’re free. I use them, and they help me a lot.
Make time in the evening to plan out tasks (minimum 3) for the next day.
Use a calendar to help your track deadlines. Also, a Project Management app is a great way to keep track of your progress.
Five quick things you can do today!
It’s your turn to win! Get started right now. Don’t think, DO!!!
This book is the first step. Keep going.
Where to Begin
You are coming to a point in life where the outcome thus far is a disaster. If this is you, welcome, I welcome you to the beginning of your new life. Just reading this won’t bring change. If you want this, it’s going to take some work.
Before we begin, the importance of this one thing Patience! It cannot be understated.
“Patience is not simply the ability to wait – it’s how we behave while we’re waiting.”—Joyce Meyer
Without the patience to allow change to occur, you will stifle progress. My mother always told me this “it took you fifty years to break your life; give yourself time to change.” She was right as most moms are.
Where a failure occurs, most is the lack of patience to allow change to occur. We live in the “I want it right now society.” Get that out of your head right now. Where I stumbled hard — not allowing the universe to set a new course for my life. Think of yourself as a large ship that needs turning around. It takes a wide berth to achieve a safe turn.
Beginning the process will have its trials and tribulations. Your mind will fill with self-doubt, where patience becomes a struggle. Misery loves the company, and your noodle will remind you that “we love pain, we’re comfortable here” because you are comfortable in pain. You won’t let go quickly.
We all find ourselves in reflection to have a relationship with our pain. It takes years to develop, and it will take time to employ a paradigm shift.
Here is the skinny because I can sense those saying, “I don’t like pain.” We get so comfortable that our mind and body accept it as usual. Therefore, forbearance will see you through.
Don’t get discouraged when it seems that nothing is changing — allowing change to occur. Imposing your own will over a situation only makes an excellent job harder than it must be. You’ve heard I’m sure on God’s time, not my time.
Change cannot come without discomfort.
Don’t quit because of trouble. Evolution is not occurring as quickly as hoped. The pain of loss or other stressors is not dissipating. The mind is continually in a barrage of negative thoughts, self-doubt, and feels as though nothing is getting better.
“I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.”–Muhammad Ali
Keeping an eye towards a positive outcome. Being grateful in advance of anything manifesting good in life. Meditate on the result.
If you take a trip around the world at some point in time, weather delays, airport delays, canceled flights, lost luggage, lost hotel reservations, something is going to happen. The chances are high that more than once.
Would you stop an ounce in a lifetime around the world trip over a delay? No, you deal with it and keep going!
What could you tell the younger you if you could? When you’ve drifted out into life like a space void only to look back into the abyss. You get a pit in your stomach that gives way to wow this sucks. Not exactly the experience you envisioned as a younger you.
Hitting the last half of life looking in a rear-view mirror that looks like an apocalyptic mess. Challenging our thoughts with “what a waste.” It begins to stifle any outlook because age has overtaken youth. The idea “I’m not the same as I once was.”
If you’re boldly marching into a mid-life crisis, menopause, or qualify for an AARP® membership. This story is for you. More importantly, if life has not turned out as you planned or hoped, does this give you a feeling of doom?
Everything we’ve read self-help wise in our lives has said to look forward never look back. Easier said than done but very accurate.
Over a year ago, I faced the questions I am posing to you now and staring divorce in the face, that at the time I did not want. With that situation at hand, my mind forced me to look back over my life. What I saw was not the beautiful painting I had hoped it would be — instead, everything past has illuminated for me to see very clearly — damned ugly!
The real kicker is a good bit; you don’t want to change, but the ugly is ugly. This also brings up a question that is the nasty uglier because of the situation currently adding to our loss or stress.
Not only is loss bringing pain, but so is life as we’ve lived it to date. As you often see in text messages, WTF!
Where do we go from here? How can you pick yourself up out of hell and gaze into the mirror and say I love you?
The strength needed to face you is perhaps the solidity you’ve searched for all your life. The power that comes from faith the best is yet to come and believe it. Facing you in the mirror. What do you see?
The choices of what you see can be boundless when in the depths of pain. The pain can become so unbearable that terrible darkness can overtake your thoughts. Damn, what a dark place. Are you sufficiently depressed?
Here is where we learn what advice we would have given our younger self. From this fountain of youth comes wisdom to carry us into our Senior years with a new brighter outlook. The struggle to realize life was not over. It merely takes recalibration of our thoughts.
“The key to forming good habits is to make them part of your ‘rituals.’ I have a morning ritual, afternoon ritual, and Sunday ritual. It’s one way to bundle good habits into regular times that you set aside to prepare yourself for the life you want. Rituals help you form habits.”—Lewis Howes
With no real easy way to tell you this. Your head is going to be at times, your most formidable adversary. Wanting to stay status quo. Comfortable in misery. So much so you don’t feel the pain at a level like the beginning.
Changes in our lives, new paradigms to replace old thought processes is what is needed now. The past will not give up easily. Prepare yourself for a title fight.
If you’re a Christian, the enemy is preparing an attack like you’ve never fought. Why? He wants you to continue miserable. He hopes that you will implode. As we move further in this chapter, I will share with you how I made it through the toughest times.
The enemy will attack you to keep you down. He is afraid of losing you to an excellent team. So he will fight you in the form of:
Depression (not diagnosed or medicated) Just feeling depressed.
Keep your mind on past mistakes.
I am feeling hopeless.
I am reliving the past over-and-over in your head.
Dark thoughts of self-harm.(NEVER AN OPTION)
Working through this will be difficult, and you will be tested. You can and will get through this time.
We are making it easier to understand. We all buck change at work. If a policy changes everyone in the office complains. “Why are they changing, the old way worked.”
Let’s say, for example, you’ve done the same thing, the same way for years-and-years. Change won’t come easy. Excuses like:
I’m too set in my ways.
I’m too old to change now.
Too hard f*&^ it.
Don’t fool yourself into these false statements. You can change, you’re not too old, stop limiting yourself!
“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”—Nelson Mandela
Allow yourself to change. It won’t happen overnight; I can tell you I still fall into traps; however, I can happily report that the bear traps are further apart.
So how do we bring about real change, especially when confronted with real pain? Here is how I brought myself out of the dark:
Learn to quiet your mind. Declutter all the garbage that goes through our minds. Meditation can be life-changing if you practice daily.
Something that seems innocuous has tremendous value — taking times daily to slow your breathing for sixty seconds only. Slows your pulse, helps relax your body, relieve tension. Tension causes aggravation. Breathing several times per day for a minute or so will slow you down.
Do something physical every day. Walk, gym, run, get off your butt, and do something to relieve stress in your body.
Helping others will get you outside yourself. Reminding you that life is not all about you. Be a blessing to someone!
Changing our lives takes time and work. You can’t all a sudden tell God you want to make a million dollars this year, order a Pizza and wait. Sorry life takes real work.
The most important of this is discipline and organization. Set reminders daily to do the tasks laid out in this book. Otherwise, you wake up a week later and go, “crap, I was supposed to meditate every day.”
If you want lasting and real change, fill your calendar with an activity that fosters change.
You are fighting with yourself. I call it kicking your own ass. Your noodle will run from the pain of change. Your mind is falsely convincing you that you cannot change. It’s too hard. Don’t listen to these false prophecies of your life. Years of conditioning will take time to shake off old paradigms.
At times this will seem relentless the attack on you to stay status quo. The enemy will come at you in ways that look as though you cannot win. You will feel alone, like nothing you can do will ever help. Surrender to God. Let him know that you can’t see a way, but you know he will take away.
When I first moved from my home in South Texas to live in West Texas. My ex-wife wanted a divorce that I honestly at the time did not want a divorce. Financially in dire straits, the woman I believed to be my soulmate now gone.
Could not at the time be in more of a dark place. I had so many times thought I had no reason to live. Scary how close that came to pass. For whatever reason, I never acted on dark thoughts. Thank God I did not.
With some lucid moments of I need to start over. I began to think about life without my wife. I decided I would get into Church and try to understand the spiritual side of my life. I was drawn to this need to find a Church home.
After finding a Church that was recommended to me by someone that I trust, I became a regular attendee, most times staying for two of the three Sunday services. Because my head would clutter with such garbage; I was fighting so hard to hear what the Pastor said; it was exhausting.
Most Church services end with a call to give your life to Jesus Christ. To confess, you’re a sinner and that you accept Jesus as your Lord and savior. For a few weeks, I had faithfully attended sitting mostly in the back of the sanctuary.
One Sunday during this altar call; I raised my hand. The Usher came and gave me a CD, and I confessed and prayed the short prayer to accept Jesus Christ. At the end of this part of the service, the Pastor headed across the stage stopped and turned.
He began to say “sir, sir,” not realizing he was trying to get my attention for a moment. As I realized he was trying to get my attention. Pastor Don said to me God had put in his heart for whatever I was doing artistically to keep going, don’t stop.
Here is the real kicker to the story. I had been blogging, take pictures with my camera and stating to myself that for the last half of my life I was going to do what I wanted to do not what I have to do. I wanted to be a freelance writer and photographer.
Not one person in this Church, including the Pastor, knew me from Adam. I stayed to myself and never said as much as a good morning unless first approached.
No way could the Pastor know that I was doing or working on anything artistically. This Pastor stopped in the middle of the ending of this service to tell me that God told him to say to me, keep doing what I love to do.
To say the very least, I was utterly in shock. It took a bit for this to sink in. Nothing in my life to this point was so profound.
This event helped me to go further and keep trying. Freely I admit stumbling and falling post this event. However, remembering that God has come into my life then and several times since then.
When I thought a couple of times all is lost something would happen to show me that even with a Mustard seed of faith left, God would bless me so that I knew he was still protecting me.
My point of this is even in your darkest moment when you see nothing, but my life is worthless not also worth being here. God if you try, if you fight through when you cannot see anything but dark, let God know you are trying to hold on, God will answer.
Today after many events from small to abundant miracles. God has convinced me that if I focus my faith, he will lead me through anything. Now I run after God.
The old me would not have hung in the darkness to realize the blessing. I would have long before quit and moved on. That is the old paradigms I must break. When enough-is-enough, you will change. My time was when I moved to West Texas, once you make that decision, you will be amazed at how life opens for you!
No matter what happens, you cannot quit. Take one more step, always.
Let me share with you why having patience will serve you well.
The dream job of a lifetime is something that you now focus your attention too — searching far and wide for this wonderful job. Some time goes by with nothing happening, and you cannot see any hope.
What you don’t know is that a beautiful person occupies the job you seek; someone that has had a fantastic career, beloved by all at the job. This person is getting ready to retire; the job will come available for you to apply for and get!
This person is another thirty days from retirement, and well-deserved retirement. God has you in mind so that this job will cross your path. Your search has gone on for five months with no results, so you quit thirty days before the position of a lifetime comes available.
Your focus moves on to something else, and the Universe moves on because you did.
Stay in faith even when you don’t see a way God is making a way. You won’t know what is having to take place in front of you before God can move this part of your destiny to unfold for you. The Universe won’t cut you in line. So have patience!
Here is the real kicker that will blow your mind. You can’t move yet because God is blessing someone you don’t know with something you currently have. He is driving your life around to be a blessing for someone you don’t even know.
Point is none of us know. So why stress over a fair outcome that may take a little more time. How many times have you quit than if you had not your life might be completely different? Think about that. Patience can make all the difference in your life. Faith, Hope, resolve, need to be your mantra!
A chapter from my book Tying It All Together. Click the book cover to see all my works on Amazon.