A Guide To Real Change

A sneak look at my book A Guide To Real Change. Check out Chapter 1 of this fantastic book and begin the journey to change your life. We all need help changing aspects of our lives!

Chapter 1

 Together We Begin

Excuse me, hello, excuse me. Yes, you! Can you look this way, please? You’re looking at yesterday; I need you focused forward, thank you!

Are you looking forward to TODAY? When you woke up, did your feet hit the floor, with a smile on your face? Most likely not read on.

“Never let yesterday use up too much of today.”—Will Rogers

Today is all you have. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is just that tomorrow. So, what can you do to make today a good day? Plan for it. Have a program that has tasks that need doing today. Prepare the night before at least three things you know for sure you can accomplish in a day.

Have small successes every day. Complete tasks that will help bring about big success in whatever aspect of your life that needs help the most right now. Learn productivity vs. activity, read on you’ll see what I mean.

What happens is we tend to get to scattered out with all the things we need to fix. Like, relationships, jobs, ourselves, bills, and the list gets bigger. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time! Apply that to your life, and you will achieve much more.

This process of change has eluded me. By appearance, just organizing aspects of our life for success seem simple. The real test is, are you doing it now? Will you stay consistent?

Here are some tasks to help you get started:

  1. Set daily reminders on your phone to alert you to functions for that day.
  2. Use apps like Google Tasks, Google Calendar, they’re free. I use them, and they help me a lot.
  3. Make time in the evening to plan out tasks (minimum 3) for the next day.
  4. DON’T PROCRASTINATE!
  5. Use a calendar to help your track deadlines. Also, a Project Management app is a great way to keep track of your progress.

Five quick things you can do today!

It’s your turn to win! Get started right now. Don’t think, DO!!!

This book is the first step. Keep going.

Where to Begin

You are coming to a point in life where the outcome thus far is a disaster. If this is you, welcome, I welcome you to the beginning of your new life. Just reading this won’t bring change. If you want this, it’s going to take some work.

Before we begin, the importance of this one thing Patience! It cannot be understated.

“Patience is not simply the ability to wait – it’s how we behave while we’re waiting.”—Joyce Meyer

Without the patience to allow change to occur, you will stifle progress. My mother always told me this “it took you fifty years to break your life; give yourself time to change.” She was right as most moms are.

Where a failure occurs, most is the lack of patience to allow change to occur. We live in the “I want it right now society.” Get that out of your head right now. Where I stumbled hard — not allowing the universe to set a new course for my life. Think of yourself as a large ship that needs turning around. It takes a wide berth to achieve a safe turn.

Beginning the process will have its trials and tribulations. Your mind will fill with self-doubt, where patience becomes a struggle. Misery loves the company, and your noodle will remind you that “we love pain, we’re comfortable here” because you are comfortable in pain. You won’t let go quickly.

We all find ourselves in reflection to have a relationship with our pain. It takes years to develop, and it will take time to employ a paradigm shift.

Here is the skinny because I can sense those saying, “I don’t like pain.” We get so comfortable that our mind and body accept it as usual. Therefore, forbearance will see you through.

Don’t get discouraged when it seems that nothing is changing — allowing change to occur. Imposing your own will over a situation only makes an excellent job harder than it must be. You’ve heard I’m sure on God’s time, not my time.

Change cannot come without discomfort.

Don’t quit because of trouble. Evolution is not occurring as quickly as hoped. The pain of loss or other stressors is not dissipating.  The mind is continually in a barrage of negative thoughts, self-doubt, and feels as though nothing is getting better.

“I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.”–Muhammad Ali

Keeping an eye towards a positive outcome. Being grateful in advance of anything manifesting good in life. Meditate on the result.

If you take a trip around the world at some point in time, weather delays, airport delays, canceled flights, lost luggage, lost hotel reservations, something is going to happen. The chances are high that more than once.

Would you stop an ounce in a lifetime around the world trip over a delay? No, you deal with it and keep going!

What could you tell the younger you if you could? When you’ve drifted out into life like a space void only to look back into the abyss. You get a pit in your stomach that gives way to wow this sucks. Not exactly the experience you envisioned as a younger you.

Hitting the last half of life looking in a rear-view mirror that looks like an apocalyptic mess. Challenging our thoughts with “what a waste.” It begins to stifle any outlook because age has overtaken youth. The idea “I’m not the same as I once was.”

If you’re boldly marching into a mid-life crisis, menopause, or qualify for an AARP® membership. This story is for you. More importantly, if life has not turned out as you planned or hoped, does this give you a feeling of doom?

Everything we’ve read self-help wise in our lives has said to look forward never look back. Easier said than done but very accurate.

Over a year ago, I faced the questions I am posing to you now and staring divorce in the face, that at the time I did not want. With that situation at hand, my mind forced me to look back over my life. What I saw was not the beautiful painting I had hoped it would be — instead, everything past has illuminated for me to see very clearly — damned ugly!

The real kicker is a good bit; you don’t want to change, but the ugly is ugly. This also brings up a question that is the nasty uglier because of the situation currently adding to our loss or stress.

Not only is loss bringing pain, but so is life as we’ve lived it to date. As you often see in text messages, WTF!

Where do we go from here? How can you pick yourself up out of hell and gaze into the mirror and say I love you?

The strength needed to face you is perhaps the solidity you’ve searched for all your life. The power that comes from faith the best is yet to come and believe it. Facing you in the mirror. What do you see?

The choices of what you see can be boundless when in the depths of pain. The pain can become so unbearable that terrible darkness can overtake your thoughts. Damn, what a dark place. Are you sufficiently depressed?

Here is where we learn what advice we would have given our younger self. From this fountain of youth comes wisdom to carry us into our Senior years with a new brighter outlook. The struggle to realize life was not over. It merely takes recalibration of our thoughts.

This book is available on Amazon. Click the cover to check out this amazing book.

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Can You Find Silence

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature – trees, flowers, grass grows in silence; see the stars, the moon, and the sun, how they move in silence… We need silence to be able to touch souls.”–Mother Thresa 

For the longest time at the beginning of my faith. The silence was not comfortable to achieve. What we mean by silence is the wheels that are spinning in our heads. Relaxing on any level is a challenge.

Finding silence will have peaceful results in your life. Learning to not freak out over daily challenges, not letting the traffic jam ruin your day. What is your joy worth?

Think about that question for a moment. What is your joy worth?

Is losing your joy worth:

  • Traffic Jam?
  • A line at the Grocery?
  • Poor Service?
  • Someone else having a bad day, spills over on you?
  • Financial Issues? (always remember temporary)

You see the point here. We all become susceptible to losing our joy for reasons that are either out of our control, brief, or only not worth the aggravation we bring upon ourselves.

It’s too easy getting caught up in silliness that steals our joy. Seriously, getting pissed because someone cuts us off at the exit. It could be that God moved you from harm’s way. Life happens for a reason. Instead of flipping the poor soul off that cut you off, maybe the purpose was to save you. Unbeknownst to any of the folks involved!

You never know what turn life throws at you that is actually saving your fanny. It may not look like it at the time.

How does standing in line at the grocery because they’re short-staffed. How about listening to an uplifting Podcast while waiting? Or you can be grumpy and ruin your day. What you choose is a choice.

Make the most out of time. Caught in traffic, let us say. Crank up some music that gets your heart pumping. Again listen to a good podcast. Choose to do something fun instead of being grumpy. Life is a choice of happy or sad.

self improvement, self help, happy

Learning to allow life to just roll of our shoulders. Don’t hold on to the lousy luggage. Let that luggage get lost at the airport. Hanging onto negativity begets negativity. Letting someone steal your joy over something stupid, well, you do the math.

My joy is no longer for sale to jerks, grumpy bosses, lousy service, or the like. Don’t let someone else miserable day ruin yours!

So how do we find silence? 

  1. Meditation, learn to sit in quiet reflection. I use rain and ocean sounds using headphones. Close your eyes and breathe through your nose, out of the mouth. Silence phone!!!
  2. Prayer. Find times to pray. Let God know what you need. Just have a good conversation. 

These two simple acts can change your life. We find answers in the silence. Allow God to flow through you when you’re quiet. This is where you hear God speak to you!

 

Fighting Old Habits

“The key to forming good habits is to make them part of your ‘rituals.’ I have a morning ritual, afternoon ritual, and Sunday ritual. It’s one way to bundle good habits into regular times that you set aside to prepare yourself for the life you want. Rituals help you form habits.”—Lewis Howes

With no real easy way to tell you this. Your head is going to be at times, your most formidable adversary. Wanting to stay status quo. Comfortable in misery. So much so you don’t feel the pain at a level like the beginning.

Changes in our lives, new paradigms to replace old thought processes is what is needed now. The past will not give up easily. Prepare yourself for a title fight.

If you’re a Christian, the enemy is preparing an attack like you’ve never fought. Why? He wants you to continue miserable. He hopes that you will implode. As we move further in this chapter, I will share with you how I made it through the toughest times.

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The enemy will attack you to keep you down. He is afraid of losing you to an excellent team. So he will fight you in the form of:

  • Depression (not diagnosed or medicated) Just feeling depressed.
  • Keep your mind on past mistakes.
  • I am feeling hopeless.
  • I am reliving the past over-and-over in your head.
  • Dark thoughts of self-harm. (NEVER AN OPTION)

Working through this will be difficult, and you will be tested. You can and will get through this time.

We are making it easier to understand. We all buck change at work. If a policy changes everyone in the office complains. “Why are they changing, the old way worked.”

Let’s say, for example, you’ve done the same thing, the same way for years-and-years. Change won’t come easy. Excuses like:

  • I’m too set in my ways.
  • I’m too old to change now.
  • Too hard f*&^ it.

Don’t fool yourself into these false statements. You can change, you’re not too old, stop limiting yourself!

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”—Nelson Mandela

Allow yourself to change. It won’t happen overnight; I can tell you I still fall into traps; however, I can happily report that the bear traps are further apart.

So how do we bring about real change, especially when confronted with real pain? Here is how I brought myself out of the dark:

  1. Learn to quiet your mind. Declutter all the garbage that goes through our minds. Meditation can be life-changing if you practice daily.
  2. Something that seems innocuous has tremendous value — taking times daily to slow your breathing for sixty seconds only. Slows your pulse, helps relax your body, relieve tension. Tension causes aggravation. Breathing several times per day for a minute or so will slow you down.
  3. Do something physical every day. Walk, gym, run, get off your butt, and do something to relieve stress in your body.
  4. Helping others will get you outside yourself. Reminding you that life is not all about you. Be a blessing to someone!

Changing our lives takes time and work. You can’t all a sudden tell God you want to make a million dollars this year, order a Pizza and wait. Sorry life takes real work.

The most important of this is discipline and organization. Set reminders daily to do the tasks laid out in this book. Otherwise, you wake up a week later and go, “crap, I was supposed to meditate every day.”

If you want lasting and real change, fill your calendar with an activity that fosters change.

You are fighting with yourself. I call it kicking your own ass. Your noodle will run from the pain of change. Your mind is falsely convincing you that you cannot change. It’s too hard. Don’t listen to these false prophecies of your life. Years of conditioning will take time to shake off old paradigms.

At times this will seem relentless the attack on you to stay status quo. The enemy will come at you in ways that look as though you cannot win. You will feel alone, like nothing you can do will ever help. Surrender to God. Let him know that you can’t see a way, but you know he will take away.

When I first moved from my home in South Texas to live in West Texas. My ex-wife wanted a divorce that I honestly at the time did not want a divorce. Financially in dire straits, the woman I believed to be my soulmate now gone.

Could not at the time be in more of a dark place. I had so many times thought I had no reason to live. Scary how close that came to pass. For whatever reason, I never acted on dark thoughts. Thank God I did not.

With some lucid moments of I need to start over. I began to think about life without my wife. I decided I would get into Church and try to understand the spiritual side of my life. I was drawn to this need to find a Church home.

After finding a Church that was recommended to me by someone that I trust, I became a regular attendee, most times staying for two of the three Sunday services. Because my head would clutter with such garbage; I was fighting so hard to hear what the Pastor said; it was exhausting.

Most Church services end with a call to give your life to Jesus Christ. To confess, you’re a sinner and that you accept Jesus as your Lord and savior. For a few weeks, I had faithfully attended sitting mostly in the back of the sanctuary.

One Sunday during this altar call; I raised my hand. The Usher came and gave me a CD, and I confessed and prayed the short prayer to accept Jesus Christ. At the end of this part of the service, the Pastor headed across the stage stopped and turned.

He began to say “sir, sir,” not realizing he was trying to get my attention for a moment. As I realized he was trying to get my attention. Pastor Don said to me God had put in his heart for whatever I was doing artistically to keep going, don’t stop.

Here is the real kicker to the story. I had been blogging, take pictures with my camera and stating to myself that for the last half of my life I was going to do what I wanted to do not what I have to do. I wanted to be a freelance writer and photographer.

Not one person in this Church, including the Pastor, knew me from Adam. I stayed to myself and never said as much as a good morning unless first approached.

No way could the Pastor know that I was doing or working on anything artistically. This Pastor stopped in the middle of the ending of this service to tell me that God told him to say to me, keep doing what I love to do.

To say the very least, I was utterly in shock. It took a bit for this to sink in. Nothing in my life to this point was so profound.

This event helped me to go further and keep trying. Freely I admit stumbling and falling post this event. However, remembering that God has come into my life then and several times since then.

When I thought a couple of times all is lost something would happen to show me that even with a Mustard seed of faith left, God would bless me so that I knew he was still protecting me.

My point of this is even in your darkest moment when you see nothing, but my life is worthless not also worth being here. God if you try, if you fight through when you cannot see anything but dark, let God know you are trying to hold on, God will answer.

Today after many events from small to abundant miracles. God has convinced me that if I focus my faith, he will lead me through anything. Now I run after God.

The old me would not have hung in the darkness to realize the blessing. I would have long before quit and moved on. That is the old paradigms I must break. When enough-is-enough, you will change. My time was when I moved to West Texas, once you make that decision, you will be amazed at how life opens for you!

No matter what happens, you cannot quit. Take one more step, always.

Let me share with you why having patience will serve you well.

The dream job of a lifetime is something that you now focus your attention too — searching far and wide for this wonderful job. Some time goes by with nothing happening, and you cannot see any hope.

What you don’t know is that a beautiful person occupies the job you seek; someone that has had a fantastic career, beloved by all at the job. This person is getting ready to retire; the job will come available for you to apply for and get!

This person is another thirty days from retirement, and well-deserved retirement. God has you in mind so that this job will cross your path. Your search has gone on for five months with no results, so you quit thirty days before the position of a lifetime comes available.

Your focus moves on to something else, and the Universe moves on because you did.

Stay in faith even when you don’t see a way God is making a way. You won’t know what is having to take place in front of you before God can move this part of your destiny to unfold for you. The Universe won’t cut you in line. So have patience!

Here is the real kicker that will blow your mind. You can’t move yet because God is blessing someone you don’t know with something you currently have. He is driving your life around to be a blessing for someone you don’t even know.

Point is none of us know. So why stress over a fair outcome that may take a little more time. How many times have you quit than if you had not your life might be completely different? Think about that. Patience can make all the difference in your life. Faith, Hope, resolve, need to be your mantra!

A chapter from my book Tying It All Together. Click the book cover to see all my works on Amazon.

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Mastering Life God’s Way

This is my seventh book, Mastering Life God’s Way. For me, this book represents freedom in my life that I have never felt. Finally, I have found a way to enjoy life, have more fulfilling relationships, and have peace in my life like never before.

This book is my step-by-step journey that you can follow along.

Below read the introduction, and at the bottom, please visit my author page on Amazon. This book will change your life if you believe God’s promises, they do come true for anyone!

Introduction

 “Check your ego at the door. The ego can be a great success inhibitor. It can kill opportunities, and it can kill success.”—Dewayne Johnson

How would you like to connect with you on a spiritual level like never before in your life?

 How would you like to wash away fear, doubt, and limiting beliefs?

Unless you’re a Unicorn, my notion is that you’ve probably pondered once or twice, why life is such a struggle. Over that last couple of years, this question has really been at the top of my what the hell is going on questions.

After pondering this for some time. Doing a bit of research, I think I have a pretty good idea of why life is a struggle. The good news is, this book shares why it does not have to be a struggle. That we can live life we’ve dreamed of. Some of you right now are thinking, that’s just crap; it is always going to be a struggle that is just life. My case and point!

 Most of my adult life, I have struggled with an encyclopedia of issues. However, I don’t feel alone because most folks struggle and don’t even realize they can break this cycle. After learning some hard life lessons, I can with a great amount of knowledge tell you that life can be easier, more fulfilling, so much so you will want to live again!

Our lives, for the most part, are like the TV show saying “gym, tan, laundry.” Work, home, repeat. With no life in between. While trying to make a living, we forget to live our life! On top of which, we are indoctrinated into “play it safe,” “oh honey, you can’t do that only rich people can have those things.” “Have a plan B just in case.” The platitudes drone on and on.

From the time we begin our life learning, it’s all about playing it safe. It’s all about this is your lot in life accept it. We cannot afford that; we cannot take a chance; “we cannot” becomes a mantra.

So, what if I challenged you and said you can do anything you set your mind too. How many times have we heard our parents say that? Moreover, how many times in the same breath, “oh, honey, be careful.”

I am not suggesting you throw yourself in harm’s way. What I am suggesting is we change how we approach life. Again, I ask you to ask yourself, can you do anything you set your mind to?

Most of us would, at this moment, be filled with negative thoughts. Normal, considering how from birth, we are taught to play it safe. From well-meaning folks that don’t want to see us get hurt (emotionally hurt).

Reading this book will open your mind up to a new thought process. An outlook of yes, I can! Sweeping old paradigms away from us to open life. Fear instead of stifling us gives us pause to say Yahoo, here we go.

It took me years to get to this point in my life. When folks tell you that you cannot do a thing, it’s because they can’t, so of course, you can’t! Two people know if you can. God, who in this metaphor is your pal, and you. If in your heart you know you can do a thing, then naysayers need to get out of your way.

Remember the old saying: “at first they’ll ask you why you’re doing it, then naysayers will ask you how you did it.” The only person on this earth that needs to believe is you. You don’t have a clue what you can achieve until you try.

Throughout this book, you will learn as I did how to change your focus, thinking, and learn to take pain beyond your current limiting beliefs. Yes, you will struggle, but on the other side of this struggle is your life!

Available on Kindle & Paperback Click the Book Cover:

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Faith Moves Mountains

Waiting for you is your life. Let me explain. If, at this moment, you’re not completely happy with your life, let me give you the piece of the puzzle that is lacking.

Faith! 

Faith breaks open all the bondage of life that is holding you back. It’s that simple. We’ve talked about in previous articles that life is simple, WE put our head, ego, and fear in the equation to stifle growth.

I love the quote from Lisa Nichols, “you gotta know like you know like you know.” 

What this means is unwavering faith that everything will be okay! That what you need will come to pass. Training ourselves to not waiver when everything looks black. Nothing is definite except imminent doom. That dear friend is the enemy throwing his hardest punch to get you to quit. When on the other side of this fear is your life.

faith, prayer, meditation

Conquering fear of letting go and letting God was, for me, one of the hardest changes to make in my life. No, I am not 100% with this at all. However, when I waiver, my mind does come back and say, “Hey, wait a minute.” Catching myself before I thoroughly toss out and give up is less and less as time moves along.

Old paradigms can be tossed out with time and attention. New beliefs can arise. 

Here is the big kicker!

When you see absolutely no way, everything is dark, this is when you MUST hold strong in faith. The enemy will test your faith beyond what your mind conceives as no hope. This is when you dig in and let God know you don’t see a way, but you know in your heart he can make a way!

Times where I have just let God know he has me. I trust all will be well. Believe and do the work before me. You cannot just sit on your backside to do what is necessary to achieve that which you desire. God will come through when it’s time for him to go through, not a second sooner. Give God that faith, and he will move mountains for you!

Anyone that tells you “you can’t do that” is telling you they can’t do that. Think about this the only two people that know if you can or cannot. Is you and God. You show him the work and faith. He will come through. I was overwhelmed recently with an abundance of beautiful blessings. It actually scared me. So I took some time to realign my thoughts to trust in God.

I know I am ready to receive all that God has for me. It’s taken time to allow myself to have blind faith. When I do amazing things happen for me, and I look into the clouds where I believe God resides in the shadows looking out for me. Just my thing!

Changing your life requires faith and strength. We are all stronger than we believe we are. That is the first hurdle. You are stronger than you think you are by a long way. Marathon runners hit the wall in the last ten or so miles of a marathon. The wall is a figment of the imagination that you’re done, you’re injured when in fact you are not. Proven study after study. It’s all in your mind. Faith is the same principle. Bust through the wall, and you will finish.

 

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