Setting Boundaries

When you examine how your life is working day-to-day. It’s important to think about what is adding stress to your life. Could it be fixed by merely setting boundaries?

The answer to that is yes!

self help, happy, relationship

It’s okay to set boundaries in relationships, with children little or grown. When we set expectations for what is acceptable in our lives and what is not, it’s incredible how much easier life becomes.

Work can also be a place where clear boundaries need to be set.

This change, however, most likely won’t come without some resistance. Here is a checklist to help with that conversation:

  • Set clear and easy to understand boundaries. If you need to write them out, do so. Just make sure that whoever is on the receiving end understands clearly.
  • Over a reason why you need this boundary. Explain the stress that it brings.
  • Don’t get upset if it takes a bit of time for the behavior to change.
  • Let the person know you’re not mad, it’s just bringing undue stress into your life.

With just a little conversation we can set the stage for acceptable behavior.

If you struggle setting boundaries for family, friends or coworkers. Take time to write out your thoughts on how this relationship could be a two-way street. Don’t just jump in without some real thought.

Sleep on your results reread them. If satisfied sit down with the person and have a friendly chat. Set expectations and lay them out.

You don’t have to live at someone’s Becken call 24/7/365. Figure what you need to not have stress, put it out there and then hold that person or person’s accountable. It’s not unreasonable by any standard.

Buy Me A Coffee

Advertisements

Toxic Relationship Stops NOW

“Your past does NOT define your future.” This will become very clear as the story moves forward. Are you ready for change? If so then welcome.

It doesn’t matter whether you male or female. Either side can be on the receiving end of a toxic relationship. The article is written to both genders.

When you dwell into the past then thoughts of “I’m not worthy” “I’m worthless” will stop you in your tracks. It’s time to get our thinking into a healthy mindset; it’s time to smile again.

stress, spouse, self help

We really do this when it comes to letting go of relationships. Looking in that rearview mirror for clues. Answers that may never happen. It’s difficult to let go of relationships when we don’t understand fully why they ended or must end because it’s toxic.

Sometimes we’re in toxic relationships that it’s necessary for us to move on for our own sanity. Sadly, in this type of relationship, we get ourselves beaten down to the point that toxic behavior is allowed and accepted from ourselves. For some, the connection itself means more than our own serenity.

Allowing ones’ self to fall prey to this type of relationship is far more comfortable than what you might think. We convince ourselves that this person will change, or something about ourselves we can change that will make our toxic partner love us.

First thing don’t believe you have no options. For example, a housewife with young children no family close and the list goes on. So, acceptance becomes easier than facing the pain. This life is not your portrayal of a doormat. “Woo-Hoo I landed the part of a lifetime Doormat!” Not only NO but heck NO!

What now seems like a no-way-out scenario. Is temporary if you make it so.

This story will help:

Let’s pretend for a moment that the relationship of our dreams is at the top of a vast mountain we must climb to the summit to live happily-ever-after. Stay with me I know it sounds cheesy.

Our emotions are so heavy for the beautiful relationship we have to carry them in a backpack. So we load love, passion, desire, tranquility, and fulfillment into our pack. This is a lot of heavy emotions we’re carrying up the hill. The good news, for now, is that it all fits and we can carry it. The summit does not seem so far away.

Now comes our partner who has a few things we need to carry for them. These toxic emotions are incredibly dense.

What could be so much?

  • Control
  • Jealousy
  • Anger
  • Narcissistic behavior
  • Abuse both physical and mental (If physical violence is a part of your life, reach out for professional help, contact your local law enforcement. Protection and assistance are a phone call away)

So as the relationship begins “your hike up the hill” the emotions mentioned above get stuffed in your backpack. Not all at once mind you but slowly as you ascend to the summit. With each step, the pack becomes more burdensome, and your ability to combat these new emotions diminishes due to mental fatigue.

Until finally you just fall from exhaustion from the toxic emotional weight of the pack.

This becomes a dark place where we just see no light. The trail becomes so obscure we’re not able to see any hope (light at the end of the path to guide us). If you’re in this place, breathe! We’re getting ready to turn on the light to guide your way. Hope exists.

So what happens now? The answer is the flashlight that is in the bottom of your backpack that is now stuffed so tightly you cannot reach inside to get it. You’re going to have to unload the pack enough to get to the light. The flashlight holds the key to lighting your way.

Here are some simple steps bringing light to start now:

  1. Take a moment and breathe, yes breathe. Find a place that you can take a couple of minutes to just breathe. Take a couple of deep cleansing breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. Then just breathe for at least one minute. Relax your body. Relaxed clear mind! 
  2. Start walking every day. Do this for a couple of reasons. One you need strength, two you have an opportunity to clear your
  3. Learning to make your mind, relax your body. Power comes from within when you can harness that strength, see yourself while meditating towards that which you truly desire.
  4. Accept that YOU are allowed to be happy. Allowed to have the life you want. Your current situation is not a sentence.
  5. Educate yourself with suitable material. Apply what you learn to gain strength and enlightenment. Make an investment in your own happiness.

Would you like to know what the good news is? Five new negative emotions were added to your backpack. You now have five steps that have helped you remove enough garbage out of your pack so that now the flashlight that guides your way is within reach in your bag.

Grab it!

Now, let’s finish our climb.

With a lighter pack and light to see the trail. You can stand up and finish the journey. Toxic relationships are not anyone’s destiny. Getting out of it may have some pain that must be endured. Our steps outlined help you develop the strength to take the strain.

With your lighter pack and flashlight in hand begin your walk. The summit is now is starting to come clear from the fog that WAS your life. Practice every day these simple steps, and you will be amazed at how quickly your emotional strength will recover.

See yourself at the top of the mountain. Now we need to add a little to what happens when we get to the top of our mountain.

At the top of the mountain, the summit, the pinnacle of your happiness. From this vantage point, you see, happiness, love, joy, and freedom to live the life you dreamt of. With the strength to say what is acceptable and what is NOT acceptable in your life experience.

We all may enjoy a life filled with trials and tribulations, but those trials are not acceptable when induced by someone that professes to love us.

You now have the tools to begin the journey. Remember, you’re not alone, and you are worthy of happiness.

Buy Me A Coffee

 

 

Helpful Resources:

Pastoral Counseling (reach out to a local Church that offers Pastoral Care)
Marriage Counseling (many centers work on a sliding scale for payment)

Desire in your Life

Desire

“The starting point of all achievement is desire”. Napoleon Hill

The sad thing about desire very few have it or understand it’s real meaning. Most people say that have a desire to do this or that but in reality, they’re not willing to dig in to achieve it. That’s the real difference between desire and wish. You can wish to do something those with desire actually do it!

self help, success, freedom

Desire is a passion you must fill your being with. It’s not something you learn it’s something you have. If you don’t feel it in your soul then maybe you need to rethink what it is you’re doing.

Desire:

  • Should fill your soul
  • Should get you up in the morning
  • Should be unwavering
  • Should be without fear
  • Should drive your every waking moment

What do you desire?

  • Peace & Contentment
  • Security
  • Financial Success
  • Relationship Success
  • Family Success

Then what are you doing? If you aren’t up every day with a sense of desire to achieve life on your terms, then really what are you doing? Lots to think about is it not?

Do not confuse desire with a wish. “I want success” is a wish, a desire drives you to do something about it.

This book will touch a lot on it takes work to achieve anything you truly want. It does just not come to you, the success that is. Anyone that has been married for over a decade will tell you a good marriage takes work.

We will use this statement throughout the book:

If money and time are not the roadblocks in our way, what do you want?

To find our true desire, you must have a passion for what it is you want to do. So if no roadblocks existed what would you be doing in your life?

STOP HERE

What I would like for you to do, is to do a few things to define what you would like to be successful at and then we will find our desire. We’re going to find one thing that we can do NOW to find success in one part or all of our life. Change is eminent in this exercise!

  1. Find a place where you can feel inspired. Park, pond, river, mountain, backyard, wherever you find peace and solitude. Clear out your head and identify what you would like to do. What will bring success to you?
  2. Have a notepad and pen. Write your thoughts out. Again don’t sabotage it with I will “never be able to afford this”, “I am not smart enough”, blah, blah, blah…
  3. Take as much time as you need. Don’t procrastinate, if you need a day to work this out take it but don’t get off task!!! Now go.

Welcome back!

For most of us, this is a hard task. We’re so used to dismissing dreams it’s hard to imagine achieving one. So nice job completing this task!

So you have your WHAT, that thing that defines success for you. This is the one thing where you should begin to feel desire.

The dictionary defines desire as
Along for, hope for. Noun

You should feel this in your very core.

Okay, so we have a lot more to cover. Most of you are saying now what?

Buy Me A Coffee

Am I Praying Right

“Prayer is man’s greatest power!” –W. Clement Stone

This bright light of God, Mattie, while on this earth stood for what I call “the true life.”

 “It doesn’t matter how you pray. Pray. All religions are beautiful, and they all have one common belief. There’s something bigger and greater than us that can give us and take from us life. It is better than the here and now.” — Mattie Stepanek

One of my first questions. How do you talk to God and will he listen? Yes, he hears when you pray earnestly. What I mean by that is open and honest. Ask before it is given, in our lives we as humans say, “I will believe it when I see it.” God is the opposite!

Here are some cool things. You can talk to God anytime you want. Most of us speak directly to God when we’ve messed up. “Oh God please save me.” The good news is you can pray formally on bended knee, or you can talk to God on your way to work in the car.

prayer, God, Jesus

Here is the biggest thing you should remember when you pray: “Don’t Beg!” God knows your situation and does not need you to beg. He has already forgiven you. For example, God thank you for the restoration of my relationship with ______. God bless you for my healing, my body is better (even if you’re still sick). Thank him for what you want to have as though you have it already.

When you study your bible, you will learn that God has already given you an abundant, health-filled life. We must receive it through faith.

One thing I have found very useful. I lay down on my bed at night. Put headphones on and find meditation music that relaxes me. As I listen to the music, I close my eyes and imagine myself in the presence of God. I begin to thank him for blessing my life with abundance, financial blessings, health and joy in my life.

When I do this visualization, it helps me to feel my prayers are powerful. That I see myself during meditation. I see myself happy with my children. I see my boss handing me a big bonus check. I see me laughing and happy. Most importantly I see me standing with Jesus, standing in heaven with my lord. Peaceful, happy and full of all the love I could ever ask.

When you see your prayers in that light, it’s already yours. Then God will begin to move things in your life, so it is a reality. It won’t happen overnight, don’t have unrealistic expectations. Know that God is providing what you see in your prayers as though they are already yours. If you see yourself on top of Mount Everest, then have faith God will put you there if its Gods Work for you.

God will provide all the promises in the Bible that are yours. Through prayer that you give God thanks for already providing your answers. The answers will come. Patience will be the next chapter, but this is where patience comes in.

People also ask me does God hear better when I pray at Church or a holy place. God hears all prayers no matter where you stand. If you come to God with a humble, loving heart, God hears you loud and clear.

Another question I get all the time. How many times do I need to pray for a specific thing? Ask yourself this question, if someone keeps asking you the same question repeatedly what would you do? God is an intelligent soul so I would imagine with confidence that once you confess it to God, he has it.

In prayer, you need to confess to God your sins. If you want forgiveness, then you need to come clean with God. Prayer for me had a real cleansing feeling for me. When you ask for forgiveness, then accept it because you already have his mercy.

Prayer is like getting a new job. When you take the role it’s on the promise of pay; you must do the work first before you get paid. The easiest way for me to understand how prayer works. I had to do the job before God would begin to bless me.

Which stands to reason, something for nothing is always nothing. Earnestly, seek God’s promises in the Bible in prayer. The good news is, it’s everything you need and then some! Words without action are just that words. Faith is action.

Buy Me A Coffee

The How Is Not as Important as Belief

“Be true to yourself, help others, make each day your masterpiece, make friendship a fine art, drink deeply from good books – especially the Bible, build a shelter against a rainy day, give thanks for your blessings and pray for guidance every day.” — John Wooden

Adversity comes with a sense of “I can’t do that” or “I don’t know how this will ever change.” What changed for me was believing that the how will come if I understand. You can’t merely want something to turn, sit on the couch and wait for it.

Problems can seem to be insurmountable to the point we don’t see how that anything will change. I heard something that resonated with me. If God can put stars in the Universe, he can probably figure out a way to help your issue. All it requires is a belief deep in your heart.

If your problems are financial for example, you cannot just say, God, I need to pay my bills. You still need to go to work and do your part. How many times in your life has something happened that was unexpected out of the blue.  Believe that God can work miracles in your life.

faith, Jesus, God, hope

What happened to me especially with my financial issues and my relationship was the catalyst I needed for change. I let them go. They’re so big that I could not do it on my own. The mountain was too big for me to climb on my own. In the natural world, I was on my own. This book is teaching you how to live in the supernatural world where God lives. Trusting that behind the scenes he is working to help me.

Worry and self-doubt stifled any progress that I could have made. It made nothing better. My hand in trying to fix everything only made it worse. You can choose to worry all day long if you want. The alternative is let it go, believe that faith does it. Do not worry about the how that’s God’s job. I promise he does not need your help. He does not work well with others; in this, he prefers to work alone. It’s your job to let him.

Little by little my financial worries are dissipating. All my bills are getting paid, sometimes just getting paid. Not sure how I am even going to eat yet I have not gone hungry. My credit is intact, and the phone calls have stopped. I am doing my part every day. God sees that I work, I work with a smile, I don’t complain that there is not enough, and I smile to be a friend to all.

The other day I received an email from one of my favorite Church’s that they were going to fall short of their budget this year. The reasons I understood why. So, I could only give $10.00. I did so joyfully. I left my job to run an errand. Came back a customer caught me outside and asked about a trailer I had for sale. Long story short my commission for this small trailer was $100.00. The deal fell into my lap. A ten-fold return for something I just believed in my heart.

It’s the hardest thing I have ever done, belief in God. Believe in promises from a book written thousands of years ago. Even if you’re skeptical about God, be open to learning something new by studying the word of God to change your life.

What if the story is true. How as a father could you bear seeing your son beaten to a pulp, then forced to carry his instrument of destruction (the cross) to your death? The strength that took to endure is beyond mortal comprehension. I think we can believe after that sacrifice in his word. The word that gives me life.

From all of this, you can rest assured that his promise is real. All you must do is believe. Praise God every day for your life. Thank him and directly through prayer and your excellent work blessing will come. When the enemy says, “see it’s not changing fast, God has left you.” That’s when you can rest assured that just around the bend, just a little further in faith, your life is about to change. All we must do is believe when everything suggests nothing is happening. That’s when you need to sit down relax and enjoy the ride.

Belief must be a total commitment. You cannot just say if you must believe in your heart. It’s easy to say I believe in God. If, however, I do nothing to back up that belief its words nothing more. When you hop up on a chair, you have unwavering faith that it will hold you. What if a spring is Broken just below the surface of the seat cover. You flop down and drive a spring right into your behind, ouch. Every day without a thought or care, flop you go. The real question is how we can believe in something so innocuous so entirely and yet struggle believing in God?

The real question for us all is how do we get unwavering faith in God so that we can flop in his chair? The short answer is prayer and letting go. We must put down the luggage we carry and let God have it. Way easier said than done. With faith the how does come! Imagine the wonder if you could put down the backpack of worry we all carry.

Having an unwavering belief will require that your role with the punches, pardon the cliché. Did I mention this is where the test comes? What you didn’t say anything about a test! What do you think tough times are? A check of your faith, your belief that everything will be okay. OR, you sink into a Pitiful Pearl state of mind. I’m also not talking about major life events like death or divorce. I’m talking about regular life stuff.

Life will throw you test to check your resolve. Okay, you’re going to get over this. We’re always going to have something to contend with in our lives. How we handle issues that get in the way is how God will judge us. Mine alter ego Pitiful Pearl would many times say “just my luck” “why can’t I catch a break” when just handling what comes with grace will get us through quickly.

When God knows that WE know he is in charge, that all things are possible through Christ. Guess what all things are possible through Christ. We can’t see the HOW but what we can see is that God will handle whatever comes down the pipe. Do what is in front of you every day. Remember you can’t sit on your backside and say okay God handle it. You still must get up and go to work, you still must be a friend, you still must be a parent, and life will move on. What will be different is if you are different, meaning if you handle the next season of your life with grace. Or does Pitiful Pearl visit you? It’s a choice you must make.

Keeping focused on believing God has us in his hand when life just kicked you right in you know what. God sees you taking a shot right in the gut but letting him know that yep it hurt but God I’m standing with you. I have done this now many times only to see his grace work in my life. I went from horrible dark places scaring my family for my safety. To realize that if I stay out of God’s way, peace does come to me.

My problems may not resolve themselves as quickly as I would like. I could jump in and start trying to solve problems that are just too big for me to handle alone. Instead, I am using what I am telling you to try, and it works. Nothing happens in the time frame I want. It does happen in God’s good time. When I let God handle my life and realize I may even miss a deadline for some significant life event but allow God’s timing to reveal itself. Somehow even at the brink of disaster, it all works out. Nothing blew up, nothing life changing happened, it resolves itself without my help. I did the work in front of me each day.

The how for me is not as important to me as letting God know that I believe. That in times where I think my world is blowing up, I without hesitation trust him. Am I 100% on this NO! That only makes me human subject to make mistakes. Quickly I will let God know that I am sorry, my forgiveness given to me. Presented in the words of the Bible; you might want to get a copy (study bible).

This chapter will close with this thought. If your child got deathly ill, you would have no problem going to God. In fact, you will probably go to God every moment of every day until your baby gets well. You will thank him if your child pulls through, earnestly you will thank him.

 My point is if you want God to perform a miracle in your life. You don’t have to have a catastrophic event for that to occur. If you want your life to be about beautiful blessings and happiness, go to God every day in faith prayer. Thank him for the blessings you have even if they have not manifested themselves in your life.

Don’t wait as I did until life blows up and now you have a huge mess to clean up. We all go through hard seasons in our life. Would it not be nice to have the tools now to help you weather the storm?

Buy Me A Coffee