Faith Eludes Me

When thinking of faith I quickly come to realize without it I’m lost, but holding onto it is merely a struggle. It eludes me often. Believing in something that you can’t tangibly hold onto, feel or smell. It goes against some preconceived notion in the mind that you can’t find something you can’t see.

faith in God
Faith in God

So for me looking outside my noodle is where I find reasons for hope. Two things have happened to me the last two times I have gone to church. Things that you can’t explain why these blessings happened, but they did.

First, as you can tell I write and love photography. As I sat in church with my sister and brother-in-law. The pastor was asking the congregation at the end of the service if anyone wanted to accept Christ in their life or if you felt disconnected from Christ and want to renew your faith to raise your hand. As the Pastor asked one last time to restore your faith in God I raised my hand. The usher brought over some materials for me to read and a cd. As I was beginning to sit down, the pastor completely stopped everything and motioned “Sir, Sir, yes you sir.” I looked up to realize he was speaking to me. He said, “God is speaking to me now, and he is saying you need to continue to work on your creative life this is good.” The service continued.

This is coming from a man who has never met me, ever. My first time in this church in my life. Nothing would have connected me to the pastor except for God. If that was not God talking to me through him, what was it then?

Over the past week, my struggle with faith has been put to the test in a barrage of negative thoughts and self-loathing. Fighting the enemy from the moment I awake until my eyes shut passing out for pure exhaustion from the battle.

So to my amazement and the amazement of my sister who knows that my past week has been a troubling challenge with the enemy. My headaches this week from the battles have been some nights overwhelming.

What makes this indeed thought-provoking. At the end of church service today as the pastor was ending the service he said that before the ceremony God spoke to his heart and he wanted to pray for people who couldn’t find peace in their head, suffered from terrible headaches. So he prayed over that. Again I was completely taken aback.

If God is not speaking to me in these moments, then this guy is a clairvoyant of such immense gifts as to be unrivaled by anyone. It’s God, and I get that!

Even with two big fish smacked across my head saying hey buddy, this is God and I hear, sadly I still struggle a bit. However, I do pause more to say wait a minute perhaps something is heard that I need to believe in.

What I’m suggesting to you is that if faith eludes you. Then put yourself in situations where God might have a chance to speak to your heart. Whether that is church, nature, watching your kids play. Whatever, just get yourself in a place that God can talk to you. One big thing, prayer!

If you don’t hear God like I did this past week. Then like I’m suggesting get somewhere especially church where with no expectation you just allow what happens to be.

For me only after I lost my faith, not completely mind you but lost. God nudged me and what came to my heart was believe. God hears us even when we think he’s not listening. Many times this past week I honestly thought I was alone.

Battling through these tough times for anyone can be daunting. My point is we’re not alone with faith in God and probably not alone on this earth. Don’t lose hope, I give you my word I won’t if you won’t miss trust. Let’s make that pact together and let God know what you’ve done!

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