“Your past does NOT define your future.” This will become very clear as the story moves forward. Are you ready for change? If so then welcome.
It doesn’t matter whether you male or female. Either side can be on the receiving end of a toxic relationship. The article is written to both genders.
When you dwell into the past then thoughts of “I’m not worthy” “I’m worthless” will stop you in your tracks. It’s time to get our thinking into a healthy mindset; it’s time to smile again.
We really do this when it comes to letting go of relationships. Looking in that rearview mirror for clues. Answers that may never happen. It’s difficult to let go of relationships when we don’t understand fully why they ended or must end because it’s toxic.
Sometimes we’re in toxic relationships that it’s necessary for us to move on for our own sanity. Sadly, in this type of relationship, we get ourselves beaten down to the point that toxic behavior is allowed and accepted from ourselves. For some, the connection itself means more than our own serenity.
Allowing ones’ self to fall prey to this type of relationship is far more comfortable than what you might think. We convince ourselves that this person will change, or something about ourselves we can change that will make our toxic partner love us.
First thing don’t believe you have no options. For example, a housewife with young children no family close and the list goes on. So, acceptance becomes easier than facing the pain. This life is not your portrayal of a doormat. “Woo-Hoo I landed the part of a lifetime Doormat!” Not only NO but heck NO!
What now seems like a no-way-out scenario. Is temporary if you make it so.
This story will help:
Let’s pretend for a moment that the relationship of our dreams is at the top of a vast mountain we must climb to the summit to live happily-ever-after. Stay with me I know it sounds cheesy.
Our emotions are so heavy for the beautiful relationship we have to carry them in a backpack. So we load love, passion, desire, tranquility, and fulfillment into our pack. This is a lot of heavy emotions we’re carrying up the hill. The good news, for now, is that it all fits and we can carry it. The summit does not seem so far away.
Now comes our partner who has a few things we need to carry for them. These toxic emotions are incredibly dense.
What could be so much?
- Narcissistic behavior
- Abuse both physical and mental (If physical violence is a part of your life, reach out for professional help, contact your local law enforcement. Protection and assistance are a phone call away)
So as the relationship begins “your hike up the hill” the emotions mentioned above get stuffed in your backpack. Not all at once mind you but slowly as you ascend to the summit. With each step, the pack becomes more burdensome, and your ability to combat these new emotions diminishes due to mental fatigue.
Until finally you just fall from exhaustion from the toxic emotional weight of the pack.
This becomes a dark place where we just see no light. The trail becomes so obscure we’re not able to see any hope (light at the end of the path to guide us). If you’re in this place, breathe! We’re getting ready to turn on the light to guide your way. Hope exists.
So what happens now? The answer is the flashlight that is in the bottom of your backpack that is now stuffed so tightly you cannot reach inside to get it. You’re going to have to unload the pack enough to get to the light. The flashlight holds the key to lighting your way.
Here are some simple steps bringing light to start now:
- Take a moment and breathe, yes breathe. Find a place that you can take a couple of minutes to just breathe. Take a couple of deep cleansing breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. Then just breathe for at least one minute. Relax your body. Relaxed clear mind!
- Start walking every day. Do this for a couple of reasons. One you need strength, two you have an opportunity to clear your
- Learning to make your mind, relax your body. Power comes from within when you can harness that strength, see yourself while meditating towards that which you truly desire.
- Accept that YOU are allowed to be happy. Allowed to have the life you want. Your current situation is not a sentence.
- Educate yourself with suitable material. Apply what you learn to gain strength and enlightenment. Make an investment in your own happiness.
Would you like to know what the good news is? Five new negative emotions were added to your backpack. You now have five steps that have helped you remove enough garbage out of your pack so that now the flashlight that guides your way is within reach in your bag.
Now, let’s finish our climb.
With a lighter pack and light to see the trail. You can stand up and finish the journey. Toxic relationships are not anyone’s destiny. Getting out of it may have some pain that must be endured. Our steps outlined help you develop the strength to take the strain.
With your lighter pack and flashlight in hand begin your walk. The summit is now is starting to come clear from the fog that WAS your life. Practice every day these simple steps, and you will be amazed at how quickly your emotional strength will recover.
See yourself at the top of the mountain. Now we need to add a little to what happens when we get to the top of our mountain.
At the top of the mountain, the summit, the pinnacle of your happiness. From this vantage point, you see, happiness, love, joy, and freedom to live the life you dreamt of. With the strength to say what is acceptable and what is NOT acceptable in your life experience.
We all may enjoy a life filled with trials and tribulations, but those trials are not acceptable when induced by someone that professes to love us.
You now have the tools to begin the journey. Remember, you’re not alone, and you are worthy of happiness.
Pastoral Counseling (reach out to a local Church that offers Pastoral Care)
Marriage Counseling (many centers work on a sliding scale for payment)